Career break / mid life crisis

Just to say my wife and I are just embarking on the 'if we don't do it now we never will' bit of our life together. Far too much to write about in one go but suffice to say we've just upped sticks to Northern France with an embryonic business plan which I am currently working slowly and singlehandedly on to get off the ground. This is far out of our comfort zone which is a good thing for motivation. More to come if you like if I'm not too knackered!

Me too!

I quit my job in April, serving my notice till the end of June, and then starting my own thing.

All a bit nervy, but incredibly exciting.

The fact that you're even asking means that you probably should, and have crossed some kind of line with your present thing.

Six weeks ago, three people I knew (one friend, one acquaintance, and one friend-of-a-friend) all died same age as me (operating table, took her own life, heart attack). This didn't provoke my decision, but it confirmed it, and spurred me on.

You're right, I don't know you, but if you feel like jacking it in - you should jack it in.

Life is not about making money, life is about living. Money is a necessary conduit, but as soon as it becomes an end in itself, you're doomed to fail.

Go for it!

I too work in IT and have been having the exact same feelings. 

I know that I want to do something different but I don't know what that thing is 

Good for you Hafler3o - It would be great to hear more. I started a new job only a few weeks ago after a couple of months break but already I know that it's not for me. The problem is that panic starts to creep in and you end up taking a role thinking that nothing else will ever turn up. I couldn't be a man of leisure just yet (because of both boredom and finance) but I feel there has to be something else.

Hi Redmires,

I've no real wisdom to impart and don't want to turn this thread into some blogospheric me-fest! Starting from the beginning would take forever with my one fingered typing! It may help a little with regards your recent job change to think of it as the final job before you get to do what you really want, every pound earned is x pence towards the 'dream'. Means to an end type stuff, enjoyment is a bonus.

Rodwsmith has made good points. I'm no optimist or blue sky thinker / dreamer / romantic, that's what Sue does much better, but I am hardworking, honest and determined (as long as I can listen to my music!) It took us approx. 1 year to go from making the decision to start afresh to making that decision a reality. It's been very much like the  "Camp Granada" song, I contemplated leaving my clothes on a beach somewhere and just giving up (I fractured my pelvis 2 weeks before we left and cracked a rib 2 weeks after we arrived) but now things are on the up. Well they could not have got worse.

Regards DaveW

So, we're all feeling a little Reggie Perrin then...

Seventeen minutes late, water seeping through the cables at Effingham Junction - there was a lot of Effingham and a good deal of Blindingham.

Redmires

I took an early retirement package at the age of 55 from the Royal Mail where I was a Purchasing Manager. Fortunately I had a good pension that meant that in all honesty I would never need to work again but boredom and guilt crept in and I had to do something.

My specialisation was EU procurement law relating to energy supply and PFI.  I was very good at this but I knew very little about anything else, so I took the leap and became a self employed consultant in those two fields

I was capitalising on my experience but being your own boss is totally different from being a PAYE employee. I did it for 6 years, ran myself ragged but made a packet.

I retired at the age of 61 and now spends 5 months in Spain every year and I gallivant around Europe with the wife having a damn good time.

Being your own boss means you can do what you want when you want and ultimately pack it all in when you want.

You have to change your outlook and you have to spend an awful lot of time taking an awful lot of people out for lunch searching out the more lucrative contracts and that is a skill that will either make or break you. You really have got to learn to network and sell yourself and that takes a lot of self confidence and the ability to back up promises because at the end of the day, you have to get results. Above all you need a killer instinct in identifying areas where you can add value before any one else gets in there. In other words, you got to engineer it so as your client dare not lose you.

If you got the confidence to do it, my advice is to go for it.

I enjoyed my six years of free lancing but I am certainly enjoying my globe trotting retirement a hell of a lot more.

Good luck to you.

Mick

My wife was a highly respected and well rewarded hospital specialist. She was also exhausted and working in a 'team' of awkward people with poor morale; a situation that had only worsened over many years.

She retired last year, at 55 years of age. That decision was crystallised by a serious health problem a few years ago, from which she thankfully appears to have recovered. We are lucky enough to be able to afford her retirement (I'm quite a few years younger and we have no kids to support) but the positive effect on her health and wellbeing is enormous and worth any drop in our personal circumstances. She is doing a lot of exercise, volunteering for a variety of local projects and developing her talent (and a very small income) as an artist. She is happy.

In my work I've encountered lots of people considering or going through this process of big life changes. I'd suggest a few observations.

Ask yourself honestly-are you the problem? Is it really work? If the issue is a deeper dissatisfaction (or even a depression illness) then changing job will not really improve things and indeed can catalyse a worse situation by introducing uncertainty. I've seen this a fair few times.

Can you freshen up life by looking at life/work balance and the interests that enthuse you away from work rather than ripping up the career?

What is it about work you want to change? Is it the people, the environment or the very nature of what you are doing now and will be doing in future? Be sure that any chnage you make is genuinely going to improve life, not just be for the sake of it.

On the positive side I'd be wary of procastinating forever as you never know if Life is going to chuck a spoke into the works and finally, to quote that erudite philosopher Winnie the Pooh, 'the most dangerous thing in the world is to try to cross a chasm in small jumps'.

Hope things work out for you. I'll be heading for the retirement exit at 55 if possible to spend more time on my bike, fixing my old car and, most important of all, sharing the good years of retirement with my wife. A year ago I'd have told you I'd work to 60 or beyond but my priorities are changing.

Bruce

An interesting and rather thought provoking thread. Maybe it's just an age thing but whilst i really enjoy my job, i'm wondering more if this is really what i should be doing for the next 20 years so it's good to read of others experiences.

James

This is why i like this forum so much its very  inspiring. I changed carriers many times and now I am in staffing and this gives much energy and doing what I like to do does not give the feeling that it’s a job. Even in 15 years when I am 67 I will for sure work a few days a week. 

I would go Bonkers if i had to do this every day.

If you dont need to worry about money retire. SHMBO owned a Computer consultancy with her ex husband. When they seperated she kept the 2 houses and he got the business. She then went freelance and was earning very good money and did a lot of work(mainframe computers) for a well known bank. She enjoyed her work but hated the travel up to Pall Mall in central London everyday.So at the ripe old age of 50 she called it a day and retired. View my profile.

Mista H

Reading this makes me really appreciate how I SHOULD have done things...sincere congratulations to all those who did things in such a manner as to be able to have the choices being bandied about here.

In 2003 I was unsuccessful in getting the head Of department job within the NHS Community Trust that I worked for.

I agreed with some of the changes the new manager made but disagreed with others. In 2006 I had had enough and took a position in Sydney Australia. So sold up and jumped on an aeroplane for 4 years.

So this was how I dealt with my mid life crisis.

However after 4 years in Aus I found the grass was not only Not greener but also much more expensive than UK. I had more than doubled my NHS salary that had taken 20 years to achieve, but was totally inadequate to live well in Sydney.

So I jumped on an aeroplane and returned home to UK.

I had a trip round the south west and had a couple of interviews but no good. Looked at north Norfolk for same . In the end I bought a house in the same road I lived in before I went to Aus.

I decided to have a year off and did a few recreational courses.

I then decided to fulfil an ambition since I was 17 and enrolled on a 2 year motor vehicle mechanics course which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Now reality bites. No jobs in NHS in my discilpline. Have been unemployed since july 2013. get no benefits as too much money in the bank. Lived off my savings for nearly 4 years now.

I have 4 years till I get my NHS pension which will enable me to live ok.

I do now want to work but having trouble even getting interviews let alone getting a job.

I could set up a private practice in my discipline but not worth the investment to work for 4 years.

Hmmm so reality has bitten.

But I can afford not to work for a bit longer but my mid life crisis car fund will disappear.

So I am content but since finishing college boredom has set in.

Do I regret the last 8 years OF course NOT.

David

I knew it was a long way to Australia, but not that far! :-)

I have no personal anecdote as such except I sometimes felt I would rather do something else. Like you, i did not know what that something else was and, as it turned out, I never did find out what it was. This meant I had a secure job and income and was not really that dissatisfied and eventually took early retirement.

If you have a clear idea of what it is you want to do and a business plan of how you will achieve it, then off you go.

In the current climate I would advise no one to cast themselves adrift from a secure job unless he knows what the next step is.

+1

try this daily "grind" instead............

It looks a bit more of a "grind" in Flickr

Good advice Bruce Woodhouse.

V interesting thread.

Not at the stage where my income and ambitions for upgrading car, house, system, have found equilibrium. That old toad work (pace Larkin) has got me for a few more years.

This could be an expensive time, so try to make rational decisions.

My youngest daughter is now 28, but 10 years ago, when I was 57, she was getting ready to start university doing archicteure. that was a seven year committment by her and a hefty financial committment by me. I knew that at the age of 60 I was going to have to make work changes. Happily I wasn't in your position of not liking my job, but I carefully weighed up the options (including retirement) before I reached 60 to try to ensure I had a job lined up that I liked and a decent income.

We are all different, and its difficult to visualise the future, but certainly worth trying to visualise and rationlise the mian aspects.

It must be pretty depressing finding yourself stuck in a job you dislike and being unable to see a way to change it. As has been noted by others we're all different, but I do think it a bit sad when folks seem unable to contemplate life without employment of some sort. I guess we're programmed to believe that without a job we're somehow failing in life and lacking in ambition, that we need to continually achieve. 

I suppose I was fortunate in being able to retire at 55, something I'd always planned to do. I think I achieved a lot really, having started my own business and seen it grow considerably in size. Although I'd enjoyed my job for many years, latterly I became increasingly frustrated with it, and resented the constraints it placed on me for enjoying my outside interests. Despite the predictions of colleagues that I'd be bored and become depressed, in the nine years I've been retired I've never been either; in fact giving up work was and continues to be incredibly liberating.

I've a very good friend who lives down the lane from us. The same age as me, he also ran his own company and retired at 55. But he couldn't settle and went into business again. He now finds himself caught up in something he cannot easily extract himself from, yet he still enjoys the cut and thrust of his work. That's fine of course, but I do worry how he will cope when the time finally comes to pack it in.

Sir Alex Ferguson, when being interviewed a few years ago, was asked why he wasn't retiring and he replied that he was too old to quit; he considered retiring to be a young man's game. There's some truth in this. I think if you get the opportunity to retire early you should take it and enjoy life whilst you're in good health. You only get the one life.

Redmires, if you found being a man of leisure boring, my opinion is, I'm not sure work is your problem. 

That's exactly the point of the thread. Is a mid life crisis (if that's what I am feeling) just being fed up with your job/life or is it a realisation that your time here is running out and there must be more to life than this. Should I become a care worker and give back to the community ? Should I downsize and live a more frugal lifestyle ? Do I actually enjoy the work but feel fed up of working for large companies who don't give a damn about the employees. How come companies in the 1960's - 90's could afford final salary pensions but (much larger/profitable) companies can not any more ? These, and a thousand other thoughts go through my head (and I don't think I am alone in this). Maybe it's just an age thing and "Grumpy Old Man" syndrome is kicking in.

Anyway, thanks everyone for the thought provoking comments. It's given me something to think about.

Personal circumstances differ so much that a model which works for everybody doesn’t exist. But the world is full of people who have put their life before their work, live well and commonly are in such a situation after a 180 flip in the life work balance.

I did it 14 years ago. I spent a couple of years with feelers out for possibilities of contract working for multiple clients in preference to being stuck in one full time job, using maybe 20% of my talents for 10% of my working time, the rest of my time and resources being concerned with corporate static and invariably pointless circling.

It has been challenging but well worth it. Helen and I enjoy a quality of life which we didn’t know existed. I can cherry pick the really interesting projects and I don’t come into contact with any repetitive grind, politics or people who want to waste my time. Whereas there was a time when I considered the prospect of long term full time employment to be job security, my life and my mind have been liberated by the flexibility of working for myself and being able to choose when and when not to work.

The last four years have seen Helen seriously ill for a year and requiring much care, both my patents passing on, two more grandchildren arriving and more recently a heart attack for me. While this would all have been manageable in my old world, my work life balance is now such that we can cope better with the negatives and derive more enjoyment from and participate the good stuff.

For what that’s worth.

Hi Harry -

That is a shedload of stuff to go through!  I know this is just a forum, and that the relationships we form here are not anywhere near those we have in the real world.  But still, as we read and exchange posts, often over a period of years, I think we all tend to develop a list of forum members that we think fondly of, and wish the best for.  

You, sir, are on my list, and I am certain that many others here would say the same. I hope that both your and Helen's illnesses are in the rear view mirror. After all, looking forward, there are many interesting topics for us all to consider!  But more importantly, there is nothing better than spending time with new grandkids!  Enjoy them in good health, whenever you wish...and then happily give them back to their parents just as soon as they turn fussy!  

All the best.

Hook