It can take a long time to die.....

Posted by: hungryhalibut on 06 July 2015

My dad is 94, and since my stepmum died six years ago, he's been living at home by himself. My stepsister has been wonderful, dropping in once or twice a day to help with lunch and to keep an eye on him. Fiercely independent, he's refused to have any carers, saying he didn't want 'strangers' in the house. He was so lonely, despite visits from family and friends, but was adamant that that he did not want to leave his home and go somewhere else. 

 

Anyway, just under four weeks ago, he decided that enough was enough, sat on the floor, called the paramedics and told them he couldn't walk. He was taken into hospital and has refused food or water ever since. He was initially on a drip but as he gradually declined it was removed. That was about ten days ago. Since then his hearing has gone, and today he told me that he can no longer see. He just lies there, waiting to die. I go there every day, sit by his bed, hold his hand, and say 'yes, I know, but you are safe' every time he says 'I'm dying'. Life is on hold. It's so tragically sad. And it takes so long. 

 

This is is not meant to sound mawkish, nor do I want sympathy. It's merely an observation. 

Posted on: 15 July 2015 by JamieWednesday

My condolences

Posted on: 16 July 2015 by Gingerbeard

Nice to know your father passed away peacefully and that his last wishes were granted. My condolences to you and your family HH

 

 

Posted on: 16 July 2015 by hungryhalibut

Thank you everyone, for your kind words and your support.

 

Looking at this objectively, though traumatic, others face far worse. No years with a debilitating disease. No gradual decline into dependency. 94 healthy years and then a choice that enough was enough. Four an a half weeks in hospital. I won't say he was lucky, that would be crass, but in many ways he was. 

 

My mum died at 45. Hilary's mum died at 76, her dad at 60 and her sister also at 60. 

 

One colleague at work lost her dad to cancer This week. Another colleague's mum has cancer and only found out last week that her dad has terminal liver cancer And has only a few days left. Going into the office is like going to a support group!

 

I've now moved into admin mode. Today we pick up the death certificate and arrange the funeral, and tomorrow we are going to his house to find all the paperwork. Things I'm not looking forward to, but which need to be done. 

 

Thanks again everyone, your support has been terrific and I'm so grateful to you all, including those who have emailed me privately. This thread has run it's course for me and it's time to move on.

 

Nigel. 

Posted on: 19 July 2015 by Sneaky SNAIC
Originally Posted by Hungryhalibut:

Thank you everyone, for your kind words and your support.

 

Looking at this objectively, though traumatic, others face far worse. No years with a debilitating disease. No gradual decline into dependency. 94 healthy years and then a choice that enough was enough. Four an a half weeks in hospital. I won't say he was lucky, that would be crass, but in many ways he was. 

 

My mum died at 45. Hilary's mum died at 76, her dad at 60 and her sister also at 60. 

 

One colleague at work lost her dad to cancer This week. Another colleague's mum has cancer and only found out last week that her dad has terminal liver cancer And has only a few days left. Going into the office is like going to a support group!

 

I've now moved into admin mode. Today we pick up the death certificate and arrange the funeral, and tomorrow we are going to his house to find all the paperwork. Things I'm not looking forward to, but which need to be done. 

 

Thanks again everyone, your support has been terrific and I'm so grateful to you all, including those who have emailed me privately. This thread has run it's course for me and it's time to move on.

 

Nigel. 

After my father passed, a friend told me of this book, and it helped a little:

The Little Prince -  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

 

If you haven't already read it.

Posted on: 19 July 2015 by DrMark

I was away from home this past week so just catching up - my prayers and best wishes go out to you and your family; indeed in the not too distant future (although I hope it is in terms of years) I will be going through the same thing with my dad; I hope it will go as "well" as yours did.

Posted on: 20 July 2015 by Fabio 1

My condolences Nigel.

Posted on: 20 July 2015 by Mulberry

Nigel,

 

thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. My prayers go out to you and your family.

 

My father came back home from the hospital last week, having suffered a second light stroke. You have reminded me to share time with him, while he is still with us. He will turn 80 next year, but I have never thought about him dying anytime soon. Which is obviously a big mistake.