Animal bereavement - Your experiances

Our friends cat died last week, they too were distraught. The husband rushed out and bought a puppy from some guy he knows, not chipped, vaccinated etc. Yes, they are happy again as the dog takes their mind away from their loss. But it could have been much better planned was my take out on the latter part.

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss TC.  The loss of a pet is hard, and doesn't get any easier I have found.  However, I have never let that put me off, even though when you take on a rescue pet in particular, you know that your time with them will only be relatively brief, particularly if they are already quite mature.

When we lost our rescue lurcher Willow a few years back we took her to be cremated at a place that specialises in pets just outside Cobham in Surrey.  Then, over the next few days and weeks we would go on much load walks and would scatter some of the ashes in various places that she loved.  This was really good therapy and a great way to celebrate her life.

And it wasn't long before we were scanning the rescue sites, visiting Battersea, and taking on a young lurcher called Luna. Now, three years down the line we have one more rescue lurcher (Twig) and one rescue Jack Russell.  So, I'm sure that after a short period you will be able to look forward to giving a loving home to another deserving cat.  They are out there, but they just don't know what good fortune awaits them.  They will find you.  You have that to look forward to.

It's never easy.  The more you care the tougher it is.

When we lost our Jack Russell called Toby quite suddenly (heart problems that we did not know about) I took a week off work and just really kept myself busy.  Just give yourself time - it will always hurt - you just learnt to cope with it on a day-to-day basis. And think of the quality of life you have given to your pet during the time they were with you.

Ian, i can give you plenty of empathy; been there a few times - that cold dark bereaved place, after the loss of a pet cat.

It's a real shitty experience to be sure, but to be hopeful, and to put things into perspective, the loss of a much loved pet cat is measured by the success of the wonderful experience of the befriending in the first place, and faithful history built up over the while. You are fully entitled to feel very down while you recoil with the bewildered sense of total separation and heartbreak, but the pain will ease given some time. It's so unfortunate that a cats life-span is so short compared to humans, and so the inedibility happens : (

You are obviously a very fine cat companion, and it would be an injustice and a shame if you were not to find another feline partner, especially as these-days the cat rescue places are overflowing with cats that deserve a better life elsewhere with someone nice.

No one can tell you when is the right time to acquire a new cat, but i would suggest at least a little time to re-coup some feel good factor before committing.

I had a biggie bereavement in 2010, my 19 year old Freya passed away [ at Vets by euthanasia ] after suffering the terminal effects of kidney failure to include general weakness, weight loss, blindness. I felt awful about deciding to end her life, even tho it was to end to needless suffering, and all i really wanted was for her to live another 40 years so we could be get euthanised together at a ripe old age. But incredulously, cats can't live to that sort of age, and humans tend to live far too long, it's all very silly really : /

Took me over a year to visit the local Cat Rescue Centre, when i got there they looked me up and down and said, "You need a lot of rescuing, you're gunna need three".

Deep sympathies TC, cats are hard to lose. I  lost my cat Bella at the end of last year, she was an ageing rescue cat and her kidneys finally reached the point where the vet and I couldn't keep them running. She'd been a lovely friend for 12 years, and had been very important to me as a companion when I lost my wife less than 2 years before. If I look back at my listening history on the thread before and after her death, I used to almost exclusively listen to streaming because she spent every evening I was at home on my lap/chest as I sat/lay on the sofa, and I didn't have the heart to disturb her every 25 minutes to turn records over.

Losing her was a massive wrench, pets do become very very important to you, and it's hard to fill the gap they leave. I found that thinking about how lovely she was and remembering the happiness she brought me was the way to handle it for me. Lots of things remind me of her (often pulled threads in t-shirts), and I smile fondly, and remember her eccentricities and quirks.

I'll get another 2 cats when the current uncertainty at work settles down, I don't want to bring cats in and then find I'm travelling a lot and leaving them alone/in a cattery when they're not properly settled in.

Very sorry to hear of your loss, Ian. I can fully empathise. My beloved dog, Freddie (below), was diagnosed with cancer just before Xmas and while the chemo seemed to work for a while it stopped working in May and I had to take the heart-breaking decision to have him put to sleep. I was with him at the end but was terribly upset by it. The house isn't the same, my routine of two walks-a-day is broken and most of all I miss my companion climbing up for a cuddle. The pain has gradually eased over the three months that have now passed but every so often the emotions well-up again (e.g. as I type this).  

Having lost my previous dog (also to cancer) I've been through it before, but it doesn't ease the pain. I do, though, know that getting another will quickly fill a hole.  I've already found myself browsing the 'dog rescue' sites. So my advice would be get another puss. 

Regards and sympathy.

Mike

Eoink,Debs,Richard,Guinless and Gaza,Mike (MDS)

Thanks so much for responding and sharing your experiances with losing a dear pet.

I only posted this 2 hours ago and  going back to the thread  and seeing 6 replies brought a smile and tear to my eye.

Thats what I love about the forum over my years here; is the amount of empathy and wise words and support we give one another if something bad happens in our lifes that we share with the forum.A good example was Lindsey (Strat) and his wife dying recently.

TC

my sincere sympthy, we our cat back in May = same as you we are thinking Christmas again but.....................

its horrible but someone once said Grief is the price you have for love, that dont help, we have plenty of photos and it does get slightly easier

and as far as coping is concerned it's only time for us to be honest, but that time when you open the door and they are not there will sadly never go away

antony d posted:

TC

its horrible but someone once said Grief is the price you have for love, that dont help, we have plenty of photos and it does get slightly easier

 

Very wise words.

Saddened by your loss.  We went through a loss three months ago with a 14 year old indoor/outdoor cat (Pepper) who came to us as a stray in 2004.  She was aging quickly and mostly came in only for food toward the end.  She loved being outdoors protecting our (her) property.  Last winter she would sleep indoors laying on my chest with her head on my pacemaker (tick, tick, tick). As the spring weather arrived she slept outdoors by choice. Never wandered further than several neighbors yards.  One day I went to let her in for breakfast and she wasn't there.  Over the years we had developed a noise (rattling a key on the door) that she had never previously failed to respond to.  We searched and sent emails but nobody has seen her or found her.  It is very hard not knowing how it ended. I still go through the routine every morning hoping she will be there, but alas, not so far.

We would have had her cremated, as we have done with a dog and two cats over the last 25 years.  Those ashes await my cremation and will be mingled with mine and released (permitted) at Mt Rainier National Park in Washington state, into the riverbed of the run-off near Whiteriver Campground.

We have a new baby kitten (15 weeks old, from the humane society) named Jersey as her coloring is similar to a jersey cow.  And Pepper's picture is my desktop pic on my laptop, which I still say hello to every morning.

It's always devastating; as has been said before, they become an integral part of your family, your life, your home.  It's about a year since my 2 year old cat, Fudge, came off worst in his encounter with a car.  He died in my arms.  A year later, tears come as I type this.  But I know the hurt will will get better as time passes, and we do still have his mum with us  (both, like so many mentioned so far, rescue cats).

I'm a Christian;  I don't think pets go to heaven (but you may disagree), but the one thing I do  know is that God guided me to where Fudge was lying, injured but not dead.  We were able to spend the last hour of his life together, much of it at the emergency vets, around midnight.  For me this was truly a miracle, I'd never have found him without help.

Roger

There are bonds to be made between cat/dog and human that some (if not most people) have no idea). I have a cat called Leo who is 17. The bond between us from a tiny kitten has got stronger every year since. He sits with me at my work computer during the day and watches tv with me on my seat in the evening roughly the same time every night I'm there. The slightest eye contact between us and he talks. I could write paragraphs of how he reacts to me at home and in vets.

He's had ckd for the past 3 years and has been on renal diet and Fortekor. Blood tests every 3 months have shown it to be very slow progress and nothing to be alarmed atm.

He's been a bit slower than usual the past month or so and a bit weaker when he jumps on the sofa. I put this down to old age. Last Thursday he walked about 10m, I bent down to pick him up and he fainted in my arms. I put him on the bed and he looked dazed for 30 secs and slowly recovered over the next 5 minutes or so. When I look at him sitting, his breathing rate is 18 per minute, but it is bit more exaggerated. He's been put on Vetmedin while we wait to have a scan of his heart this Friday. He's also had a Laurabolin steroid injection. He sleeps 23 hrs out of 24 for the past 3 days, but he looks comfortable. Apparently the steroid takes a couple of days to kick in and the Vetmedin builds up over the first 10 days.

Going back to the original post, yeah, I've felt ill for the past few days worrying about him. Sorry for your loss Tabby cat.

I too can empathise having lost cats over the years. The last one was Domino, my avatar, who was 18. I had had from a kitten and she was with me longer than my 2nd wife.

We have 2 cats now, Toffy and Olly, both rescues. Toffy came from a local rescue centre and Olly, literally, off the streets of York.

They are dearly loved and, like any cat, take enormous liberties but, we forgive them. We will mourn them when their end comes but there will lots of memories to look back on.

Take heart TC, the pain will pass. Just keep remembering the good times.

steve

The grief we experienced following the death of our Norfolk Terrier last year was so bad that we vowed never to get another dog as the emotional strain was too much. Of course, some of our non-pet owner friends and work colleagues thought we were nuts and couldnt understand what all the fuss was about. After a period of about six months we caved in and got another dog.

Ray

I'm so sorry Ian. Pet years are never long enough. 

James

I have tears rolling down cheeks reading this. I had a call from the veterinary hospital at 0100 this morning that Dylan my Loving Dachshund had died. He is under The stuff I love in my profile. Christ, don't it hurt. I am far too old now for another   

tonyi posted:

I have tears rolling down cheeks reading this. I had a call from the veterinary hospital at 0100 this morning that Dylan my Loving Dachshund had died. He is under The stuff I love in my profile. Christ, don't it hurt. I am far too old now for another   

So sorry, Tony. This thread seems to have provoked many a tear.  Yes, it hurts and feels so bl**dy unfair.

My sympathies Tony.

Suki, Seal Point Siamese, 1999-2011

Sasha (Suki’s bro), 1999-2017

Her royal queen-ness above (by name and picture, and definately by temperament!), Tortie Burmese, 1999-2016

All much loved, sadly missed and fondly remembered. 

The best way to fill the void is with a cat, or in the case of SW, two cats (it’s a long story)........

Currently the household is ruled by Zebedee (red Burmese & SW’s nephew) and his cousins Freckles & Marble (Tortie Burmese)

What a heart-wrenching thread. My dog is fourteen (against an average life span for Belgian Shepherds of 12), amd I am really not looking forward to the end.

I guess that, unlike other people, we live longer than them, and they have nothing negative to have given us. But reward yourself with having enhanced - immeasurably by the sound of it - a life well lived.

Tabby cat posted:

...

Will get another rescue cat or kitten before Christmas to help move on with my grief.

Anyone here lost a beloved pet and how did you cope mentally ?

Any comments most welcome

Really feel sad at your loss, and can empathise with losing a vital 'part', the deflation etc. I won't waffle on with my story of Ben the Labrador (hopefully people can see a pic of him in my profile) right now but I recommend you don't rush in and try to fill the gap, however painful that might seem. A truly loved pet is a difficult act to follow, especially if they had their special needs. Our replacement arrived six months after, any sooner and I think I might have had unfavourable thoughts which would have coloured my judgement (unfair on the newbie).

I'm not a pet lover but my partner still has photos of and still regularly talks about the Alsatian she lost in her teens. She lost her mum at 14 and says it was only Sheba her dog that got her through that loss . She much prefers animals to humans as she always says they are far less complicated.

Tony, sorry to hear about your loss.

We’ve had seven cats, the first was a stray all the others from cats protection. We had one for about seven years all the others less than four. We know Cats Protection under estimate the ages of their cats and we won’t have them for that long, but IMO it’s worth doing, I see it as giving a cat a good home at the end of its life, as opposed to, it’s not lived very long.

hafler3o posted:

Tabby cat posted:

...

Will get another rescue cat or kitten before Christmas to help move on with my grief.

Anyone here lost a beloved pet and how did you cope mentally ?

Any comments most welcome

Really feel sad at your loss, and can empathise with losing a vital 'part', the deflation etc. I won't waffle on with my story of Ben the Labrador (hopefully people can see a pic of him in my profile) right now but I recommend you don't rush in and try to fill the gap, however painful that might seem. A truly loved pet is a difficult act to follow, especially if they had their special needs. Our replacement arrived six months after, any sooner and I think I might have had unfavourable thoughts which would have coloured my judgement (unfair on the newbie).

Ben looks adorable. I'm a big fan of Labs and Goldies.

You can't replace a specific beloved pet as, like people, they have their own individual personalities. But each one can give the love and loyalty.  Building a new relationship can help heal the sense of loss we feel for a very long time.    

tonyi posted:

I have tears rolling down cheeks reading this. I had a call from the veterinary hospital at 0100 this morning that Dylan my Loving Dachshund had died. He is under The stuff I love in my profile. Christ, don't it hurt. I am far too old now for another   

Tony,

So sorry to hear about Dylan.I feel for you so much.We both have some hard day's in front of us that's for sure.I know time heals but I am just trying to dig deep and trying to keep busy.Work is helping as the banter with colleagues and concentration on my work helps.I looked at your things you love in your profile and having the picture of Dylan I know how much you loved him..Likewise Florance in mine.

What this has taught me is when things are a bit dull and humdrum in our lives be blessed as you never know how things can change.

Thinking of you mate.We are both at sea in a ocean of sorrow.

Thanks again to everyone who has shared and offered advise and your experiences.Its really been supportive and very sad reading and seeing pictures of your best animal friends who have passed on.