Animal bereavement - Your experiances

MDS posted:

 

 

 

Ben looks adorable. I'm a big fan of Labs and Goldies...

Ha! That 'look'! When I despaired of the French language, Official bureaucracy, Normandy rain, bodgy buildings, runny cheese, crap telly, etc. there was that 'look' looking at me (a mix of pity, disdain and 'get on with it!') The Sphinx 'look'.

We sent Clyde off to Valhalla at the end of March. At the end, he wouldn't even get up to drink water; it was clearly time. I had my wife choose a spot. My son and I dug a hole in a garden plot, and I let him lay the cat in the hole and fill it in by way of catharsis. After a few months, it was clear that there was a cat-shaped vacuum in the fabric of our household. 

The county animal shelter had a mixture of kittens, which went quickly, and hard cases with behavioral problems. The local pet supply stores give space to animal shelters which take in dogs and cats from kill shelters further south, There we found Kismet. She's not that bright, but she's entertaining and affectionate. She'll do fine.

I can only echo the thoughts & sentiments expressed so well by others above. I had two cats (brothers) from kittens & lost the last of these, jasper, 10 years ago. It can still cause heartache from the wonderful memories I have shared over 19 years: they saw me through marital & life moments and the preferred position for the two of them was draped around my neck while I was working/watching tv/cooking(!)/listening to music (Cat Stevens an obvious favourite, Snoop Dogg not so much ). Time does indeed help/heal but I haven't been able to replace them......

 This month has all the makings of a dark and heart-breaking September : (

Got news today about a death of a cat belonging to good friends that used to live close by.

They believe Jimi was involved in a road accident.

Jimi was 7 years old, and like the guitarist he was named after, has died far too young.

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In 2011, my 3 recently acquired six month old kittens, Disa, Frieda, and Edda, would hang out together on large cushions placed in the front of house bay window. They would look out the window to the house across the other side of the road, where a pair of six-month brother cats, Jimi and Eric, would be the other side of their window, and looking back. [Eric also being named after a famous guitarist].

Whist all these young cats grew older, they became friends and enjoyed playing around the neighbourhood together, my cats often visiting their house and the two brother cats often visiting our place. Jimi was a very frequent visiter, he also appreciated the audio and loved to flop out in the sweet-spot to enjoy some rock n roll.

It's such a shame he has gone already : (

The degree of grief must depend on how much the pet was loved. I have, over the last 30years owned 4 cats and I am sorry to say the first 3 were "duds" and it did not bother me in the least when they "went west".

The first "Woosie" was  a handsome black and white stray. We started feeding him after we noticed this poor thin cat eating vegetables and bread on the back lawn meant for birds and hedgehogs. We looked after him for 10 years and fed him well, but , alas, earlier traumas had meant he was unable to relax in our presence and he gave little affection. He lost a lot of weight after running away in a house move for 2 weeks and getting him put down was more upsetting t the vet than me.

The second "Gingee" a female ginger Tabby, was a good looking puss. We bought her as a kitten from a pet shop. unfortunately, she must have been separated from the mother at too young an age. 2 pats maximum were tolerated and then there would be a bite or a scratch. She lived 12 years, the latter 2 spent urinating on the furniture. When she started defecating in the house I put her in the transport cage, played Mozarts Requiem in the car, drove the to the vets and had her put down. I should add prior to this there were many vet visits for her hyperthyroidism. Again the vets seemed more cut up about it than me.

3rd was a pedigree British Shorthair "Misty" from a specialist cat breeder. She came with the papers and a triple banger official name. This kitten had the personality and energy of a can of baked beans. Inbreeding had meant she seemed to have only 2 brain neurons that only synapsed once a week. At the age of 1 year, on a dark and stormy night, when my wife and kids were away at a school camp, I forgot to unlock the cat flap. She must have decided then to run across the road and suffered severe head injuries when hit by a car. The next day the family came back and we could find no sign of her. After putting photos of her on the lamposts a brown box arrived at the front door, filled with plastic flowers and the carcass with an "I am so sorry note". Kids cried for 3 minutes, we then got over it and all was well.

So as far as these first 3 cats were concerned I would be happy to dance on their graves.

The last one "Smooch" a tabby is an absolute delight. 7 years old and a great companion and very gentle,intelligent, adventurous and playful. When she finally goes I am sure there will just about be a state funeral  and a lot of wailing and ululating. In the meantime we love her to bits and give her lots of cuddles , like she gives us. A real pet at last!

I am very happy to believe that the little ones don't quite make it to pet heaven on their own.

they need your best memories and your positive dreams of them to help send them there.

I'm not a pet person, only ever had a goldfish prize from a travelling circus and they didn't last long. My experience with cats, by and large, is they claw first and run away. I have a relative who is cat mad and has adopted strays, the last one c.5 years ago from the alleyway behind their house - it turned out it got 'lost' in a house move and lived outside for c.2 years. Sadly, it had a high level of distrust towards humans and the other cat in the house didn't take to it either. It died a couple of months ago, post the vet citing a scanning cost of >£2k (may have been 2x that) to diagnose a lump post a period of non-eating etc, - from the outside not a loss, as life seemed to revolve around the cats, and the problematic one in particular.

c.15m's ago, I noticed a visitor cat to my front driveway and it was always meowing, so I put down a bit of wet food, which it gobbled up. It was in good condition and kept coming for elevenses for a few weeks - I ensured I didn't become 'home'. It inspected the inside of my house and quickly bolted out. Then a long gap......and about 6w's ago it reappeared but was in very poor condition.  

Bottom line, via an animal charity & a very helpful lady, it was captured - setting the large trap and seeing the poorly little thing caught in this way was quite unsettling for me. Unfortunately, my earlier attempt to manhandle it in to a box failed as I was far too gentle with it. All local checks and CPL advised protocols were undertaken before this - but as the cat charity lady said 'anyone who lets a cat get to this condition, doesn't deserve it'. 

By now, it should be on the mend and suitable for re-homing, as it isn't that old and its afflictions were treatable - although I understand the charities are struggling under the weight of cats being rejected/abandoned and lack of attention by owners in getting them 'done'  early doors. My relative also has a new cat, who is a complete contrast to the one that died. Highly affectionate and docile  -  but has yet to make peace with the longstanding existing cat.

..maybe I'm more of a cat lover than I realised!

Tabby cat posted:

tonyi posted:

I have tears rolling down cheeks reading this. I had a call from the veterinary hospital at 0100 this morning that Dylan my Loving Dachshund had died. He is under The stuff I love in my profile. Christ, don't it hurt. I am far too old now for another   

Tony,

So sorry to hear about Dylan.I feel for you so much.We both have some hard day's in front of us that's for sure.I know time heals but I am just trying to dig deep and trying to keep busy.Work is helping as the banter with colleagues and concentration on my work helps.I looked at your things you love in your profile and having the picture of Dylan I know how much you loved him..Likewise Florance in mine.

What this has taught me is when things are a bit dull and humdrum in our lives be blessed as you never know how things can change.

Thinking of you mate.We are both at sea in a ocean of sorrow.

Thanks again to everyone who has shared and offered advise and your experiences.Its really been supportive and very sad reading and seeing pictures of your best animal friends who have passed on.

Tabby Cat

Thanks for your understanding words. I picked up Dylan yesterday, with the help of my wife and sister, couldn't do it before and buried him in the garden with the rest of the cats and dogs we've had for the last 46 years but Dyls was the most difficult.

I have been retired for nine years so he was always here by my side.

Is that your picture of Florence, she looks very relaxed except she has a certain look in her eye.

With you in sadness.

Tony

Thanks Tony,

I emphasise so much with how you must be feeling today and the weeks and months ahead. But take comfort in all the love we gave them and treasure all the memories of them and they will always be with us in our hearts.I am still feeling the pain and feel dazed by her loss.At least they are not in pain and at peace now.

RIP - Dylan .    RIP - Florance

Like wise Tony - I am with you in this incredibly sad week.

Ian

Sorry for your loss. I unfortunately also have already experiences with losing my dear little friends. It took me quite some time to get over the death of my first cat, as we where extremely connected. She actually had a stroke a half year before I personally had a stroke, so it was also in hindsight a tough experience..... I hope my current friends can be long with me. 

Richard Dane posted:

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss TC.  The loss of a pet is hard, and doesn't get any easier I have found.  However, I have never let that put me off, even though when you take on a rescue pet in particular, you know that your time with them will only be relatively brief, particularly if they are already quite mature.

 

Richard, I volunteer at a local cat rescue place.  We see cats of all ages from kittens (that are adopted at 9 weeks of age) - probably seen 30+ of them in last 4 months, 6 month old cats, 1-2 year olds all the way up to a 17 year old cat.  So it's not the case that it's just old cats.  Of course they are all desperate to find a forever home and we work hard to ensure that they are well socialised to increase their adoption chances.

Thanks so much for all your very moving replies to this thread and your wise words of coping and sharing pictures of your pets which have passed on.It was such a moving thread and Tony losing his dog Dylan shortly after Florance made it even more poignant.I am still missing Florance alot but I am taking comfort in the life I gave her and trying to be positive and treasuring the memories.She will always be with me in my heart. R.I.P my little girl.

This thread made me realise we all face dark days in life but so brilliant we give empathy and compassion on this forum when our days are raw with sadness.....Your a great bunch even in cyber space.Although I know if we where all in a pub together we would get on fittingly.

A picture Debs posted brought a big smile " Your gonna need alot of rescuing,your gonna need three".Thanks for such wise words an incredible considered compassionate reply  

Mikes Dog Freddie - Feel for you Mike so much  - And I will try to get another cat from a rescue center to give another cat a break in life and to honour the memory of Florance.Look forward to when you get one Mike

Antony I thought I would post your cat - Sorry you never mentioned the name but it would be inconsiderate not to include the picture.

And Florance and Dylan  - Thanks for touching our lives - Be with us in our hearts today and forever 

Tabby cat posted:

And Florance and Dylan  - Thanks for touching our lives - Be with us in our hearts today and forever 

Thanks Ian.

Tony

Your so  welcome Tony,

I know how you are feeling.Somedays I think I am fine other days I start getting upset.

Got tears in my eyes typing you this.

Words are hard - They say Time heals......I think you and I are going to need a lot of it.

Thinking of you.

That's the problem keep coming back to this topic. I have to do it but reading it starts me off again.

Your Florance (spelt it correctly this time) reminds me of our Felix who we lost in January. We had a Tortoiseshell who passed away in November last year and Felix seemed to go down hill after that. They both had a good and long life of 17 years.

Time has eased for them both, so time should help for you and me and everybody else on here.

Tony 

TC - hopefully as each day passes the pain becomes a little less and the wonderful memories become a little more.  0ur new cat Jersey is now six months and growing large (6.5 pounds). regards, Jeff A

Jeff,

Thanks so much for sharing the picture of Jersey he or she looks really cute and a great picture.It must be satisfying seeing  it grow and develop a personality.Also honouring Pepper with another cat.

Last weekend I visited a Rescue center  where I got Florence from to get a kitten I had seen on their website but sadly somebody else got the kitten a couple of days prior.Had a look at the other cats but there wasn't any that I liked enough to adopt.Will keep looking at their website  though and other local rescue renters or get a kitten in the local paper as there is always kittens for sale.

Will always miss Florence as she was special but just try to be realistic in that I gave her a good life and she was 12.Also a vet told me she had a heart murmur years ago .So having a heart attack was to be expected maybe ?

What is tough is the spot 10 feet from the front door where she had her cardiac arrest. That's tough sometimes as it brings it back but that's life....

The compassion from everyone on this thread has really helped me and so moving to read of other past pets that touched us when they where with us and the pain we all feel with them gone.

Warm regards

Ian

We are a cat loving family... and every so often obviously our cats die of old age... we have a little ceremony in part of the garden where I bury the cats, usually wrapped in their towel or other fabric they were fond of .. it’s usually quite  emotional.. with the inevitable teary eyes.. however once buried and respected.. we find it’s usually an effective closure and we can reminisce fondly over the cats life and the fun and enjoyment it brought to our family.

Last month our Leo lost his battle. If anyone wonders how someone/somecat can lose a battle or how a human can be so attached to a cat, it's probably because they have no experience of it. There are bonds that are very special and don't come around very often. Here's Leo. 

 For us, the best thing to do was find two kittens from the same litter. Here's one below (the other is hanging off the curtains somewhere).  

For the photographers, this kitten pic was lit with just a little hand flashgun. 

What a gorgeous cat! ????

Lovely photos and sentiments on these posts. My sympathies to all who have lost beloved companions.

We lost our border terrier Poppy earlier this year...we had a lovely ceremony in the garden similar to Simon and will be planting 3 rose bushes shortly when they become available. 

I still keep seeing Poppy around the house and we miss her lots.

Here are two references to services to help you through these difficult times.

Just talking to someone who'll truly listen, fully, with empathy and without judgement, can be surprisingly helpful.

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/p...avement-and-pet-loss.           0800 096 6606    (All animals)
https://www.cats.org.uk/what-w...ef-resources-support.            0800 024 9494    (Cat specific)