Half past four? Half past four?
You said half past ten to us
No dry ice? No dry ice?
Hey Jason, they’ve got no dry ice
There is no way on earth
They should be on after us
Five K? Five K?
They can’t even play their instruments
Listen squire, who d’you think
Sold this thing out anyway?
Them lot there? Them lot there?
They haven’t even got an album out
Sound man, sound man
We’ve got our own sound man
C&D? C&D?
We’re not going on after Chas & Dave
I don’t care, I don’t care
Hello boys, there’s a change of plan
You’re going on after Crispy Ambulance
This Leaden Pall
Granddaughter doesn’t want to know
Ever since she got into the charts
Ask her what perfume she wears
“Self-Righteous” by Anita Roddick
The doctor overrates me in my room
And with the regularity of doom
A geezer with a double-necked guitar
Comes and tells me Tales from Topographic Ocean
Turned Up Clocked On Laid Off
The three men I admire most
The Father, Son and Mickie Most
Took the last train for the coast
And rendezvoused with Peter Glaze
To kill Don Maclean
And remember when you walk through a storm you get wet
How many of you know that song by Blackfoot Sue: “I’m Standing In The Road”
Was penned by the burly physio of non-league Farnborough Town
