The wit and wisdom of George W. Bush

Posted by: Bhoyo on 18 March 2004

Just in case you haven't seen this already (I think it may come from The Onion):

Once again, our president has the answer . . . sort of . . .
In a nationally televised address last night on the subjects of gay matrimony and space exploration, President Bush revealed that gay marriage wiped out all life on Mars millions of years ago.
"The Mars rover tells us that Mars at one time was host to a great civilization, perhaps even more advanced than our own," Mr. Bush said. "But that civilization and all living things in it were ultimately destroyed by gay marriage."
While the Mars rover has found evidence of water necessary for sustaining life, it has found no evidence of life itself, "leading one to the unavoidable conclusion that gay marriage must have destroyed it," Mr. Bush said.
"The Martians, for all their advancements, obviously neglected to pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage," Mr. Bush said. "We follow their example at our peril."
In the Democratic response to the president's speech, a spokesperson denied that there was any evidence that the so-called Red Planet had, in the words of Mr. Bush, "gone pink."
The spokesperson went on to say that while the Mars rover had in fact discovered traces of water, the rover offered "no evidence whatsoever" of gay Martians.
"We now know that Mars was a wet planet. We do not know how it got wet."
Later, Mr. Bush backed off his claims somewhat, saying that if gay marriage did not destroy life on Mars, then Saddam Hussein did.
Posted on: 18 March 2004 by BigH47
Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin ROTFLMAO.
I assume you were being funny and he did'nt actually say that?
It says a lot about our view of your president that I have to ask.

Best of luck for next 5 years. I'm sure Jeb can fix another term. Mind you Democrats may do that for him.

Howard Razz
Posted on: 18 March 2004 by TomK
Try this load. These are for real.

The Poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld - Recent works by the secretary of defense


The Unknown
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.
—Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing

Glass Box
You know, it's the old glass box at the—
At the gas station,
Where you're using those little things
Trying to pick up the prize,
And you can't find it.
It's—
And it's all these arms are going down in there,
And so you keep dropping it
And picking it up again and moving it,
But—
Some of you are probably too young to remember those—
Those glass boxes,
But—
But they used to have them
At all the gas stations
When I was a kid.
—Dec. 6, 2001, Department of Defense news briefing

A Confession
Once in a while,
I'm standing here, doing something.
And I think,
"What in the world am I doing here?"
It's a big surprise.
—May 16, 2001, interview with the New York Times

Happenings
You're going to be told lots of things.
You get told things every day that don't happen.
It doesn't seem to bother people, they don't—
It's printed in the press.
The world thinks all these things happen.
They never happened.
Everyone's so eager to get the story
Before in fact the story's there
That the world is constantly being fed
Things that haven't happened.
All I can tell you is,
It hasn't happened.
It's going to happen.
—Feb. 28, 2003, Department of Defense briefing

The Digital Revolution
Oh my goodness gracious,
What you can buy off the Internet
In terms of overhead photography!
A trained ape can know an awful lot
Of what is going on in this world,
Just by punching on his mouse
For a relatively modest cost!
—June 9, 2001, following European trip

The Situation
Things will not be necessarily continuous.
The fact that they are something other than perfectly continuous
Ought not to be characterized as a pause.
There will be some things that people will see.
There will be some things that people won't see.
And life goes on.
—Oct. 12, 2001, Department of Defense news briefing

Clarity
I think what you'll find,
I think what you'll find is,
Whatever it is we do substantively,
There will be near-perfect clarity
As to what it is.
And it will be known,
And it will be known to the Congress,
And it will be known to you,
Probably before we decide it,
But it will be known.
—Feb. 28, 2003, Department of Defense briefing
Posted on: 18 March 2004 by Richard S
quote:
Originally posted by TomK:
Try this load. These are for real.

The Poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld - Recent works by the secretary of defense


The Unknown
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.
—Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing



I am not known for sticking up for Republicans, or any kind of raving right winger.

BUT I think Mr Rumsfeld was misunderstood over this one.

All he was trying to say was that there is a distinction between known and unknown unknowns. Which isn't daft at all if you think about it.

On the other quotes...........guilty as charged !!

regards

Richard S
Posted on: 18 March 2004 by RandallE
The Onion is a fake news site, and a very funny one at that. So the quote is bogus.

This marks the absolute last time I defend that smirking, dyslexic, dry-drunk whacko.

The Onion


Posted on: 18 March 2004 by ErikL
This also marks the last time any of us will see "wit" and "wisdom" in the same sentence as "George W. Bush".
Posted on: 18 March 2004 by quincy
"The future will be better tomorrow."

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."

"Public speaking is very easy."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."

And something to be REALLY worried about:

"Remember, 2004 is an election year!!!"
Posted on: 18 March 2004 by Bhoyo
quote:
Originally posted by Ludwig:
This also marks the last time any of us will see "wit" and "wisdom" in the same sentence as "George W. Bush".


He always makes me laugh. Or cry.

Davie
Posted on: 18 March 2004 by Dan M
dubyaspeak.com is a treasure trove of Bush quotes -- always good for a laugh.

Dan
Posted on: 19 March 2004 by TomK
quote:
Originally posted by Richard S:
I am not known for sticking up for Republicans, or any kind of raving right winger.

BUT I think Mr Rumsfeld was misunderstood over this one.

All he was trying to say was that there is a distinction between known and unknown unknowns. Which isn't daft at all if you think about it.

On the other quotes...........guilty as charged !!

regards

Richard S


I agree Richard and indeed I found this stuff after making a similar statement at a meeting to discuss whether a particular training course would meet the requirements of some of my staff. I actually said "The trouble is, we don't know what we don't know.", and after realising what that sounded like, found this load of gems on the net.

I think most people in the scientific or engineering worlds would have known what he meant, but I think he got his audience at the time wrong.