Thread to Make People Wince My Recounting Your Best Injuries

Falling off my Raleigh Chopper* and breaking my wrist, also aged about 12 or 13. Having the doctor explain that my break was a 'greenstick' breakage due to going through puberty, said in a loud voice and in front of my mum, had me nearly requiring new cheeks due to severe blushing. I didn't really notice my wrist at that moment in time :-)

Steve

* knocked the shifter into neutral with my knee - doh!

When I was also about 12 our teacher was absent so we were given an extra, pretty much unsupervised PE class. I was doing the high jump using the established technique of the time which as I remember was called the Western Roll or something like that. Sadly for me it had been raining earlier that day and the sand pit had not been properly raked over so it was very similar to concrete in texture. When I landed I heard an almighty crack and looked round to see my left arm apparently buried in the sand up to the middle of my forearm, which looked a bit strange. When I stood up it looked even stranger as I began to realise what had happened. My arm had snapped clean in two in the middle of the forearm which was now a sort of boomerang shape with my hand just about touching my elbow. As I was in the process of going into shock I found it almost amusing and then noticed that a girl standing close to me had fainted when she saw it. I was rushed to hospital and my arm was put back together again but that didn’t work properly so I had to have a metal plate inserted to hold it in place. This was removed the following year and I now have a noticeably skinnier left arm with two six inch scars running up it.

Stevie, losing the use of your wrist in puberty must have been very traumatic!

I once sat down very quickly (i.e. I fell) on a glass top coffee table. There was blood everywhere. I tried to get cleaned up and thought I had stemmed the flow and so went to bed. Woke up in the morning with a lake of blood around me. I could hardly stand I ahd lost so much blood but managed to crawl to a phone box down the street to get my girlfriemd to come round. She rang an ambulance and I was rushed into A&E. The worst bit was when the nurse looking at it said "my God I think it's got his scrotum!" It hadn't

Anyway took a good few weeks of salt baths and re-dressing etc to get it sorted. No glass anywhere cept for windows now in my house!

Rich

This is slightly of course but a chap i used to work with's wife was a consultant at a local hospital, and a patient arrived in casualty with a Shipmans Salmon paste spread bottle fully inserted into his Anus, his excuse was that he sat on it in the bath.
Smells fishy to me.

Amateurs the lot of you.

I broke my spine and ruptured a kidney playing goalie. Letting in the last of a 5:0 thrashing too.

My favourite (not too gruesome) casualty story was on one Xmas morning. Small child had bought her Dad a present and excitedly left it outside his bedroom door. It was one of those stainless steel excutive toys with a wire model of a rower balancing on a short spike on top of a column whereon it rocked back and forth. Daddy throws open door, stands on parcel and has to have the rower surgically removed from his foot. We laughed.

Bruce

Respect Bruce -- you are obviosuly the Bert Trautman of the North Yorshire Leagues.

Matthew

The only injury worth telling on this thread was when I was walking with my then partner along a river. It was early summer, the weather was great, we were having a pretty good time.

Except for one thing - hayfever. My nose was running a lot and I was sneezing every now and then. Which means I used a lot of paper hankies.

We approached a bin and I wanted to get rid of the used hankies. It was a round bin, about waist high, and I don't know why, I felt inspired to slam dunk the wad of hankies into the bin's opening. I must have jumped about 4" high, if that, but when I came down, I turned my ankle and tore the ligaments in my right foot. And scraped off a few pieces of bone from my joint.

That hurt. But what hurt even more was the exam at the hospital. They used a pretty large needle to squirt a contrast liquid into my foot, the better to see on the X-ray exactly what had gone wrong. I still remember the feeling of that needle scraping around inside my ankle joint.

The next "best" thing is that I once broke an arm because I just had to drive my brother's Yamaha on a really stormy October day, ending up in a field after one particularly strong gush blew me off the street as I had to avoid a very large peasant woman in a very large rain cape that blocked half the road under the onslaught of the wind.

We live and learn. And when we have learned enough, we die. Funny old world.

Similar to Matthew, I was watching the F1 GP on the telly one Sunday having spent the day vegging out on the sofa, and the ad break came on, so I quickly got up and ran to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee before it came back on again. I had bare feet, and unfortunately ran into the door frame and smashed my little toe out sideways. It was a perfect 90 degrees.
5 years later and it still clicks and goes dead occasionally, so I guess it will never really knit together properly. No movement at all.

Well...

(In one fell swoop) Compound fractures of Femur, Fibula, Tibia, Radius, Ulna, Humerus, probably all of the fingers on right hand, severed Subclavian Artery, severed Brachial Plexus and contracted gas gangrene into the bargain. Ouch.

Cheers,

Tim
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Os nid Campagnolo yw hi, dyw hi ddim yn werth ei marcho...

I used to race pushbikes when I was 16ish for a local club.

One night I was coming down a local hill (in the "sensible" decision to avoid the well lit main road as there had been a couple of incidents involving riders getting stones and bottle s thrown at them by the "youth" at he chippie) when I entered a huge hole left by the gas board in the middle of the road. I must have been doing at least 30mph.

Front wheel disintegrated (28 spoke Mavic Blue for all the olde world riders) and the front forks left the frame permanently.

One dislocated jaw, fractured skull and a very badly torn shoulder along with many scrapes and bruises was the final tally.

The injuries were that bad that my parents walked by my hospital bed when they first visited.

Needless to say the bike was never replaced with another.

I bought an STD305S (AT1120 and AT110E), A&R A60 and a pair of Infinity Reference speakers instead...............

And now I am here - intact with no real permanent injuries !!!

I consider myself to be VERY lucky.

Many years ago when at school , a friends older sister was training to be a nurse.

Any when she was doing her bit in A and E one night a guy came in with a 60w light bulb par RECTUM.

Now that had a couple of the senior medics thinking for a long time on how to extricate without breaking the bulb.

Or another friend of mine at school in a hurry pulls the zip over his foreskin and had to go to A and E to have the trousers and zip cut off to free off his erm bits.

He was in great discomfort for several days and was the butt of many cruel jokes.

regards David

Most health care workers have a collection of foreign body stories.

I'm no exception.

My favourite involves a man attending A&E with a tomato sauce bottle up his bottom. The Casualty Officer on duty examined the guy in the company of an (incredibly) naive medical student. After they had left the cubicle he asked the student with a wink; "What did you make of that......?"

"I'm puzzled" she declared "however did he manage to swallow it ?"



regards

Richard S

quote:

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Originally posted by alexgerrard:

- spent nearly a year on crutches ... shredding the ligaments in my foot/ankle. In my comeback game (against Doctors advice) I broke my other ankle in a tackle

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Snap (err literally) - playing football snapped my ligaments in my left foot. The pain was incredible and I went out like a light for five minutes.

Ten months later playing in the second or third pre season friendly the same happened again and at the same time it transpired that I broke five or so bones and fractured several others too in my right wrist. I didn't know about the wrist until the next day because the pain was minimal in comparison to my ankle which by then resembled the ball.

No longer play competitive football.

When I was young (less than ten) I was trying to cut a notch in a stick with a pen knife but stuck the knife into my leg just above the knee all the way to the bone. Lots of blood. But I was very brave.

Mike

You've all been very brave boys, but I know someone who shames you all.

I have a friend that, when he was a kid, was playing with (get this) homemade explosives and blew a thumb and two fingers clean off!

I doubt anyone wants to try and top that.

He thinks it's a right laugh now.

Joe90

I've been lucky (touch wood) in that I have never broken anything, but I do have one tale of woe.
I received a parcel one evening after dinner and a few drinks and eagerly ripped into the tape with my trusty Swiss Army knife. The first cut missed completely. The second ripped into the skin between thumb and forefinger of my left hand which had been holding the box down. I remember looking at the hole and thinking how amazing it was that I could see right into the space, into the hand, as it were. There was, strangely, no pain, but a lot of blood. I tied a handkerchief on the general area and cycled the 2 miles to the local A&E. It needed six stitches.
What was funny about the whole thing (the punchline) was that the doctor who fixed me up had a cast on his foot. He'd fallen off a ladder doing some DIY earlier that week.
Peter

About 18 months ago I had a kidney stone, which is apparently right up there alongside childbirth in the pain department. I didn't know what was wrong with me so my wife drove me to the local ER (the most painful 2 mile drive of my life).

I was admitted and put in a room where I was literally clawing the floor in pain. A couple of paramedics came in, stripped me off, put one of those hospital gowns over me and lifted me onto the examination table. The pain had me curled up on my knees on the table with my bare bottom towards the door. Presently, a lady ER doctor came in to be greeted by my bare rump. Her first words were "the last time I came into this room to see a man's butt facing me it had a vibrator stuck in it". My wife immediately replied "what, he hadn't tied a string to the end?".

Laughing hard with a kidney stone hurts. A lot.

Best Regards,
Mark Dunn

LOL. Good story.

One cold and very snowy evening, in January 1984, I left work and climbed on to my Gilera GXR125. For those of you not familiar with this machine, it was actually a barely road legal competition enduro bike. Being a competition bike it didn't have anything as nancy boy as electric start (it didn't even have a battery.)
So perched on top of my extremely tall enduro bike I gave a hearty kick at the kick start, lost my footing in the snow and came crashing to earth with the bike on top of me.
Now the wince making bit is due to the fact that enduro bikes have heavily serrated foot pegs to grip on big chunky motorcross boots. To my dismay one of these lovely foot pegs went straight through my boot and ripped my right big toe nail completely off!
As you can imagine, I rode the seven miles home very gingerly!

Four years ago, I skied the Austrian alps with some friends. I never fell on the slopes bit did slip in the parking lot prior to leaving the mountains. I will refrain from throwing snowballs in the future. This led to an ankle fracture, and a collection of Austrian crutches and medical/hospital bills in both Germany and Spain.

Three short months ago, I went to a conference sponsored by my employer in the mountains. On one surprisingly warm day, I played a bit of football with my colleagues. Snap! I broke my Achilles tendon, and am still wincing as I begin my second month of rehab.

My greatest wincing was psychological, however. One orthopod insisted he has to operate; or else I would be permanantly crippled. The second insisted I was healing sufficiently on my own.

Cheers,

Steven

quote:

---

Originally posted by joe90:
You've all been very brave boys, but I know someone who shames you all.

I have a friend that, when he was a kid, was playing with (get this) homemade explosives and blew a thumb and two fingers clean off!

I doubt anyone wants to try and top that.

He thinks it's a right laugh now.

Joe90

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A few years ago I worked as a gardener for the local council and one of the van drivers had blown his left arm of while making home made fireworks in his teens. He was driving us to a job one day when his false arm came off while he was changing gears on a roundabout and it fell to the floor with a clatter, the artificial fingers still clutching the gear lever. Needless to say all of the squad in the back shat ourselves.

Yours in Music

Syd

Hey Tim D -

Now I understand!

Tim J

As a kid we used to spent weekends mucking about on my grandparents farm. One of the favourite play things was an old van that had been merrily rusting in the corner for a number of years. Doors/bonnet/rear doors etc all still opened and closed as designed.

This particular day I happened to be sat on the top of the van gripping the roof above the (open) front passenger door, when my cousin slammed to door shut trapping three fingers in the door. The problem was my incoherent screems and jet-washer like crying didn't help the observers figure out what the problem was. I was basically sat on top of the van screaming my head off, in incrutable pain with my hand stuck in the door. Eventually, after what seemed like several ice ages, my father figured out the problem and opened the door. I spent the next several weeks with black fingers, no nails and huge difficulties writing etc.

er excuse me for 'butting' in, so to speak, but I did hear a story of a guy that got taken to A&E, with his bicycle - the problem being that the handlebars were 'stuck' up his rear end, his explanation for this event was that he was, apparently 'cleaning the bell'...

Well I thought it was funny

I was 18 and riding shotgun with a hippy-wannabe friend who drove like a madman. We came around a corner and blocking the road, perpedicular to it and not 150 yards off, was a huge cargo truck which was backing out of a driveway (just dropped off building supplies). My friend slammed the brakes and aimed for the rear tire of the truck, realizing that if we hit the cargo box we'd be decapitated. We crashed into the rear tire, breaking the rear axle of the truck, at a speed later estimated at > 70 MPH (IIRC; it was a hot August day, the road was recenty paved, so it was slick and braking did little for us in the skid). It was the front passenger area that took the full impact of the collision, i.e., where I was sitting. I'd badly twisted my foot (the footwell was crushed around it), bruised a few ribs, bashed my knee, smacked my head into the dashboard, and somehow got away without breaking a single bone or limb (if I still had a pic of the totalled car you'd be amazed that I lived). But my lower front teeth went through my skin just below my lower lip, and I lost all feeling in my lower lip. I had 200+ sutures inside my mouth and sutures and plastic surgery to re-fasten my lower lip back to my mouth.