Radioactive Poisoning in Sushi Bars:

I was being facetious about the commie Illiberal who has a penchant for creating new offences, no doubt the fine for loitering in doorways will be £1000 too!

Beano

quote:

Originally posted by acad tsunami:
Looking at Blairs wife I'd say he sleeps rough every night

acad von miaow

Tony Blair started jogging near his home in Chequers.
Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

"Fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the kerb.

"No! Five pounds!" Tony would fire back.

This ritual between Tony and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty pounds!" He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

One day, Cherie decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.

As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Tony realised she'd bark her £50 offer and Cherie would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He figured he'd better have a darn good explanation for the 'Boss'.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Tony became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker. Tony tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the pavement, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five quid?!"

quote:

Originally posted by Beano:
I was being facetious about the commie Illiberal who has a penchant for creating new offences, no doubt the fine for loitering in doorways will be £1000 too!

Beano

Our Gordon better watch out then Chaps, innit.


Fritz Von I wonder if Our Fredders has started training for next years birthday bash yet then?

quote:

Originally posted by JamieWednesday:
Of course, some of us are more middle class than others.

Recently middle aged too!*

Goodnight*

quote:

Originally posted by bob mccluckie:
2 out of 3 of those minority sports are the preserve of toffs. That's about all we are good at. Sports played by the leisured classes. Didn't our croquet team beat someone 12-0 earlier this week?

I knew I hadn't seen 2 Jags for a week or two, the old sod was in training all the time!*


Fritz Von 4 wheel drives cause tornados you know Chaps!

Dear Fritz,

It is a wonderful thought this. My forty-sixth will be spend only rather close to your very city! Berlin is closer to parts of Poland than the rest of Poland is, as I am sure you know!

Bloody hell, you might be at my forty-sixth, if you promise to speak English and not German! Now there is a thought! And yes the training is already in progress, with a couple of glasses of Zywiecs before bed this evening!

I shall have to learn a whole new set of politics too. No vote for a while though [naturalisation will take time], except I expect I would still able to vote in UK for a while. My goodness that would be funny!

ATB from Fredrik

Fredders Old Bean, Joni's excellent "Down at the Chinese Café" comes to mind with that wonderful fretless bass on it. "We're middle class, we're middle aged etc". As British rules presently stand (maybe they'll soon change again?) once you've been out of the UK for 6 months, and registered in another European country, you can't automatically vote there again, though can vote in UK by PROXY for up to 20 years from your last electoral UK address (after properly registering etc, naturally). Depending on how fast Poland moves into the EU, you'll be able to vote there in local European elections too, as I do here, though work permits for say Germany won't happen officially for another 5 years, and what you get there residence permit wise I don't know, but you do I expect. As for you becoming a Polish national, you must first speak the language, then have a good reason to do so, (as well as a job & income & taxpayer naturally) as already being a EU Passport holder you'll have to give the British one up, as you can't hold two simultaneously, irrespective of what other people may say (Nobody to date has ever shown me two valid EU Passports, though many seem to think they have them for some reason?)



Regards,


Fritz Von Frankfurt near here is right on the border*

N.B. Perhaps Our Mick could squeeze you in as a Diplomat? At present there are some 40 odd different 'legal' European Driving licences floating around which will slowly diminish as the local old style ones are not renewed. Your UK (or European UK) one is valid in any given EU country for one year then must be replaced by a local European one (applies to new credit card sized jobbies too), but Our Mick can sort you out on all that stuff as he's more up to date on the old Harley Spanish front, innit*

Good Luck*

International licences are valid for one year too, but can't be renewed in the country of issue*

http://www.direct.gov.uk/Motoring/DriverLicensing/Drivi...D=4022556&chk=KSyaCx

Info re driver licencing for eu nationals wishing to drive in the uk - clarifies what prof Fritzy is getting at - note the time lengths....

quote:

Originally posted by andy c:
http://www.direct.gov.uk/Motoring/DriverLicensing/Drivi...D=4022556&chk=KSyaCx

Info re driver licencing for eu nationals wishing to drive in the uk - clarifies what prof Fritzy is getting at - note the time lengths....

Very good Our Andy, that clarify's what folk need to do in the UK, not here in Germany, please don't assume they're all the same, cos they're not. The times I've heard of folk here going whingeing to the British Embassy or whatever over this kind of issue, and the German authorities (as in France, Spain etc, too) say 'you are here, Our rules apply', it's as simple as that, local rules apply, so find out what they are!


Cheers,


Fritz Von Jolly good fun though isn't it Chaps*



The crunch is after the crunch when your insurance won't pay out due to you driving illegally*

There again Our Andy after reading a report a few months back by the British Association of Chief Police Officers, which highlighted that around 4 million people in the UK regularly drove illegally, wether drunk/stoned, no licence, banned, no tax/insurance, no MOT, under age, stolen, etc, etc, I hardly think most people give a toss in Spain etc, about having a legal vehicle on the road, they're British afterall*


Regards,


Fritz Von Get yer motor runnin*

I wonder if Princes William & Arry will get Royal Wii's for Christmas then?

N.B. You know how people are tricked into De Ja vu situations when one side of the brain tells the other side the same thing milli seconds too late and you subsequently get such an experience, well I wonder if Politicians get it more often than us mere mortals then, it would explain a lot, innit?

Nice little line from Sting being interviewed on Auntie earlier when asked about his possible political ambitions.

"I prefer to tell the truth so wouldn't stay in power for more than 5 minutes anyway"


Fritz Von Message in a bottle*


Is Sting Working Class?

N.B. It's gonna be interesting to see how the Brent Council reacts regarding the damaged properties after yesterday's mini tornado, and who'll end up losing out big-style financially. Going by general UK Council efficiency to date (Which I personally find 90% of which are totally Mickey Mouse and useless, going by reports I've read etc) I'll not be surprised if the so-called surveyors raise all the houses to the ground, the owners lose out by compulsory purchases (insurances won't be seen for dust (nothing new there then) and it'll all be fudged and bullshitted away!) as per usual.

Who wants to put a fiver on it then?


P.S. Thanks to Our Mick for the Christmas Card by the way!

Here's a place he could contribute some of his well advertised vast wealth to, to honour a real hero*

innit*

I'm waiting for the Spin (twist rather) regarding the highly publicized and aired Norf London Tornado and it's connection with Global warming! As many of you Chaps will already know with your newly assessed up and coming Council taxes based on the 'assumed' present value of your private property, many so-called Estate Agents (don't require to be qualified as with IFA's) have already secretly furnished your local Town Hall with details of your Houses etc (God help you if you've made changes to things without Nanny's permission) so you'll be in for some unpleasant surprises in the near future.

Regards,


Fritz Von Perhaps their are some folk on here in the proffession of Property & Insurance assessment who would care to give us the benefit of thier professional expertize (or is it only interesting when people are paying and not claiming?).

N.B. I understand that individuals are required to a certain degree to keep their drums well maintained, but what the fuck has it got to do with the Council snoopers? (many unelected Officers with arrest and fining powers too as Our Stevie Boy will attest to in the real world, innit)*


It's enough to make you want to rent, I reckon!!!

quote:

Originally posted by JamieWednesday:
YES, WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS!!

Short Joke thread I think Sir! and i Is a crowd naturally; innit*

Regards,


Fritz Von So when is Our Deano gonna tell us when Maori women got the vote then?


P.S. I'm sure the hardest working woman in the UK, namely HM QEII, would take umbridge at being classed in the same bracket as mere sales-people who like to call themselves er, Consultants for some strange & peculiar reason!*

N.B. I surprisingly had a letter from the Court today (signed by a er, Judge) confirming that my paperwork and process was all in order and that it is now in the system officially so to speak, and that I'll hear from them further soon. Not bad since I was only there on monday I thought, issit Chaps?

You know how a lorra lorra people are now being tested as Our Beano quite rightly pointed out and found to have minute traces of er, Polonium in their bodies as a result of the inquiry pertaining to the title of this thread?


Fritz Von Isn't it a pity then that the British Government didn't pay a similar amount of attention to British Servicemen (& women) contaminated by depleted uranium weaponry during the Gulf War*



Can't mess with Civvies you see Chaps*

P.S. I believe the largest participatory er, sport by far in the UK is er, Fishing!!!

I could be wrong, I often am, but I think it is, innit?

This also affects NATO soldiers from various nationalities as well; Spain, France, Italy, Turkey, Belgium and Portugal, several of the countries have actually got soldiers dying or died of leukaemia caused by contamination from these weapons. The MOD still says it doesn’t cause health problems as they’re classed as conventional weapons. These people need looking after, not forgotten just because the political picture has changed.

Beano

quote:

Originally posted by Beano:
This also affects NATO soldiers from various nationalities as well; Spain, France, Italy, Turkey, Belgium and Portugal, several of the countries have actually got soldiers dying or died of leukaemia caused by contamination from these weapons. The MOD still says it doesn’t cause health problems as they’re classed as conventional weapons. These people need looking after, not forgotten just because the political picture has changed.

Beano

I refer only to UK Our Beano, other Countries involved including this one when such issues arise are dealt with swiftly (German Vets get well looked after and pensioned) and thoroughly.
If you cannie conform don't come here, wise words uttered by TB hours ago, so if you can't speak English, support Galatasaray etc, forget it John, we don't allow individual minorities here (unless you're rich and Iranian naturally) but that's different, innit*


Regards,


Fritz Von When you sign up, Tony owns your Ass Boy*

N.B. Amusing to see the US Ambassador on the local news tonight showing off his Christmas lights at their impressive Villa here in Berlin (No Dogs)*

Pity I thought though that he and his wife didn't even attempt to speak a smidgeon of German (which they can't) unlike thier British, etc, etc, counterparts in Diplomatic street.

Remember Our Nime going on about Denmark in NATO, I bet he's well proud of today's Iraqi bash then! (I hope he's got his buns ready to throw at the Sailors & Yachties?)

P.P.S. Just to remind folk that Blair (who you all voted in) is the biggest supporter of Faith schools in UK (Catholic in other words) and is just moving the goal posts to back his own ever changing agenda to the detriment of millions of decent British folk.


Great to See 'Dr' Reid getting his arse kicked over crime figures too, let's see him Bullshit his way out of this one then*


As if any of you give a toss, really Chaps*

Not forgetting the 3,000 plus present Yankee fatalities of course Our Beano (in Iraq alone) plus countless, countless, Casualties (The reporting of which was very interestingly recently highlighted by Britain's Col Bob Stewart (Rtd).

Fritz Von Not to mention the US Soldiers etc that have already had the Baillifs around and some actually been arrested for not paying US Medical Bills for injuries incúrred in the current theatre (FACT & 80% are black, How Odd and surprising).


Goodnight Chaps, Sleep tight (If you imbibe like Our Mick that is?)*

Depleted Uranium has a half life of 4.4 Billion years; this well thought up waste disposal program is in my opinion tantamount to experiments on human beings and is a culpable criminal act.

When a tank busting "waste disposal weapon” is deployed the kinetic pyphoric energy produced is huge, basically it vaporises, turns it into aerosol dust, which is then breathed in by whoever, be it civilians, military personnel, an animal or plant life, everything is contaminated.

I could go on and on… The use of DU weapons is also prohibited under Article 35 of Additional Protocol 1 of the 1977 Geneva Convention which states 'it is prohibited to employ methods or means of warfare which are intended, or may be expected, to cause widespread, long-term and severe damage to the natural environment.'

Arms dealers, PFI, and Governments are in cahoots with one another, fuck em all is their motto!

Beano

Deear Fritz, and Friends,

Thanks for the sensible advice on the last page. I would think that I will give up driving (at least in terms of actually doing it, if not retaining the legal option) as I am not very good, and guess that I would soon adapt (as I have in the past in UK when the finances did not allow for it while buying my five string bass), but there will be a mountain of beaurocratic paperwork to climb in other areas as well, I am sure!

This surely going to the biggest adventure in my life, but what the hey? I am sure that I shall swing this, and I don't usually have that kind of confidence.

_____________

As for the Home Office in UK surely there is no way out, but admit that things are not going that well.

_____________

Two weeks to Christmas from tomorrow, when, at 6 pm., I shall be free for the days till Wednesday the 27th! For the first time since 1984 I shall have a familly time, having been invitied to my sister-in-law's (you do not loose a sister-in-law if she splits from your brothter do you?) and I shall spend my first Christmas with my nephew and niece. Just as my forty-fifth was really my best ever birthday, so this Christmas will be the first great one since 1969 for me. We already have a no-present pact. Just company - that's all. Oh and some good wine, beer, vodka, etc!

In fact my siter-in-law is also spending a week in Poland shortly, but in Krackow! A friend of her's is getting married! I bet the time will be good.

Anyway, with just one day left to fire on all cylinders at work this week, I must soon go to bed.

Kindest regards from Fredrik

quote:

Originally posted by Jay:

quote:

Originally posted by J.N.:
A friend from London tells me that if you use a 'stick-on-the-windscreen' Sat Nav stalk (and remove it when you leave the car unnatended), some thieving arseholes are looking for the tell-tale sticker ring on the windscreen - then breaking into the car, in the hope that your Sat Nav is secreted inside.

John.

Exactly!

So what I did was take some window clean and wipes with me at all times so I could clean the windscreen of all marks when I left the car unattended.

And what happened?

That's right. They broke into the car and stole my Windolene.

Did he/they swipe the Jay Cloth Cloth too John?

Regards,


Fritz Von Watch Out Watch Out there's an economically deprived relative poverty stricken Gadgie about*


Have fun² Our Fredders*

Just watching a Classic old Bronson movie, together with the brilliant Jill Ireland and Rod Steiger. It's difficult to find a decent filum sometimes though (I have over 2,400 tv stations on Sat free to air), the TV times is 20 cms thick!


I think Bronson would have made a seriously good James Bond actually (bad timing with Sean I suppose), wunnit*


I wonder if Our Adam will let me start a new thread yet without vanishing it?

Dear Fritz,

I hope you will not mind me posting on you (current) thread to:

"Dear Adam,

Life is a funny old business, and I never stop learning. This often involves a little pain, but the best reason to look into the Padded Cell in my view is the 'current' thread of Fritz. Sometimes it is bewildering, but so much more often a life enhancing experience. Please don't vapourise this most extra-ordinary set of postings. And I would bet that even those who profoundly disagree with the views expressed, find the results at least thought provoking, and thus a chance to grow as human beings. Fredrik"

Maybe be it took a bit of Polish [Dutch} courage to write that, but I do believe in live and let live, and other ideas only help to sought out one's own.

I had two big Threads in mind for the "Music Room" tonight, but the ideas are not lost.

Kindest and all that from Fredrik. [Four Zywiecs [said, more or less jivietz], and some Wyberowa [viberova], soon be Christmas, slightly gone sort of Smiley}!

[Perhaps that should be a 'Cztery [Stery] piwa i jeden wadka, prosze [proshen(g)], type of Smiley?].

Fredrik

You are a single man and yes going over to Poland should be looked upon as an adventure that may or may not work. If it does work then you will have changed your life for the better.

If it is not what you expected, you can return back here with some good memories tucked away.

The main thing is to do it rather than dream about it.

The internet has made the world a smaller place, you can enjoy being on the other side of the globe whilst keeping in touch with your friends back here.

Good luck to you, go for it, you only live once.


Regards

Mick

Good Moaning Chaps!Though it's actually an hour later here and in neighbouring Poland, so It's G'day really, innit.

Fritz Von Thank you for your nice post Our Fredders, but you really shouldn't go brown nosing too much to Our Adam, that's another members vocation in life (dicpline you see). Beano, loved the pic of the kid on the plane, and Our Deano too, isn't Melbourne wonderful, all those Aboriginie faces with Scottish names*


I suppose that Maori women got the vote at the same time as white Kiwi broads then? I'm obviously aware I can goggle it to find out, but that's not the point is it!


For £25 I'd buy one bottle of lidl Single Malt each, simple really.

A GREAT CHRISTMAS STORY!


There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in shaky handwriting to God, with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

"Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna


The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few
dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96 which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

"Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those
bastards at the Post Office.

Sincerely yours, Edna



Believe it or not I've just recieved this as an e-mail from an old mate down the road who has absolutely nothing to do with this forum, etc, coincidence or What?

Aren't single spur threads popular these days Chaps!

Bloody clever bloke that Vladimir Illych wunnee Comrades°!

Wotta Grab Shot Eh Chaps?

Fritz

I heard that Edna joke when I joined the Post Office in 1982. The joke was the same but it was Aunt Gladys from memory

You are becoming somewhat dull and repetitive lately.

I now await your dull and repetitive put down.

Regards

Mick