Radioactive Poisoning in Sushi Bars:

The Gas Terminal fire is out and no casualties reported. The weather here is atrocious at the moment, storm force winds are wreaking havoc causing property damage.

Beano

quote:

Originally posted by Beano:
The Gas Terminal fire is out and no casualties reported. The weather here is atrocious at the moment, storm force winds are wreaking havoc causing property damage.

Beano

Good news at least, though I was thinking about the smog and shit that comes out of the exhaust of clapped out motorbikes polluting fine country lanes, scaring cows and sheep, and biggles himself devoid of it all.


Fritz Von They should be more highly taxed and require more insurance too to compensate for their nuisance factor, and the property damage they cause with the vibrations and smog could damage house prices wherever they regularly race their toys.


Imagine the TT every day! the Isle of Man wouldn't be worth living on, but do these Chaps care, do they buggery*

With Our Mick considering himself an elderly Chap, though he's been a pensioner already for ten years and most Chaps his age have to work yet another ten to claim their State pension, as with 20 more for my good self too, I can only say that I am shocked and stunned.*


Fritz Von Decent fresh Marmite on toast with walnuts for supper, fine dole food if there ever was such a thing, innit*


Goodnight, Brrrp*

Some would possibly be of the view I feel that folk who go on about certain blended whiskeys on internet forums and cannie even spell the bloody stuff correctly or point out that it's been wrongly spelt in the thread title whole-heartedly deserve to get totally ripped off on the stuff's price.

I tend to agree actually Chaps*

What's a Pot Noodle then, some kind of illegal Hippy Health Broth or something?

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:

I ain't sayin nuffin though*

You keep saying that.

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits."

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


Fritz Von Breathlessly sayin nowt*

Well Chaps that's phase one under way, I'm now in the legal system, just back from the old Courthouse. Bloody paperwork's amazing, and I thought I could bullshit some, it even makes the Military seem logical! Did you know that in the UK one is cleared (irrespective of amount of debt) in a private bankruptcy/insovency process three years quicker than here, and here it will soon be another four years more. So I'll ask Our Mick to comment on this great loss to the British Txpayer, where folk like (Farcepak) for instance go bust, and open up again a few years later and nobody's none the wiser Brother?

Regards,


Fritz Von Now real Hot Dogs for Brekkers, with a snippet of Colman's English to-boot.


P.S. What D'yer call an elderly bloke from Swindon in a collar and tie?


The Accused!

When the EU finally has it's own Military Force of combined Nations, which I feel isn't too far away now, should it have it's own Nuclear deterrent along French/British lines, totally seperate from Washington?


Fritz Von The Swiss Navy could run the U boats:

P.S. (Submarines are referred to as boats in the Royal Navy too for those that aren't aware of the fact, innit)*

N.B. Good fags the old Senior Service Jobbies, though you'd have thought that the Army was even older really wouldn't you?

Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Western Australia.He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to a radio station in Perth, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

G'day Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office -- it's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is this:- We have a diesel powered industrial 'water heater'; This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a hose, which is taped to the side of the suit. I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my arse started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my arse started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was already done. In agony I realized what had happened. The machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my arse was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my arse. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all in fits of hysterical laughter. I was then instructed to make three agonizing in-water compression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my arse as soon as I got into the chamber.

Yes the cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my arse was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your bum. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job".

Fritz Von Wotta Bummer*


Postmen have it well easy!

By Jove I think I've finally got it Chaps! Our Mick was quite right all along, the real way to actually change ones circumstances is not to stand around pinko-whingeing on internet forums, it's to get up and vote, or in fact be politically active and turn the things around in society that annoy you so much personally. That's why along with PMQ's which is shown live on The Worlds greatest NEWS Channel, ie, SKY as well as other important issues like Trident, (Britain's Nuclear deterrent system) which the PM has just also talked about in the house regarding it's eventual replacement/renewal, watched all over the world, live.



Fritz Von PMQ's is often interrupted by Moronic so-called er, journalists (totally unelected you understand) as were the afore-mentioned statements just made re-Trident, by elected representatives of the British people, I am at a loss for somebody to explain the significance of this to me?


HELP!

I just listened to a nice little song for the first time (bloody Music again, Sorry Chaps) called 'Bright Eyes' (Not Art's version), by a young lad called 'Lua' (Check it out). I expect he's known in the UK? I saw him on my most favouristist Luxemburg Channel, and his guitar playing would make even Swindon Chaps blush*


Fritz Von My top British Mammal is the Boomtown Rat*

Lua
------Bright Eyes

I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor's West side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they'll be gone

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist

You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back
Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad
But what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag

I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is

It was so simple in the moonlight now it's so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight...

Just read an incredible Trucker's story on another forum close to here, where the geezer saved some silly old duffer on a decrepid old banger of a two wheeler's life recently, and all he got for his troubles was abuse and threats of prosecution (and the language I'd better not mention the language) mind you! you cannie believe everything that you read in these places can you,no matter what the people say they do for a living?*


Fritz Von Listening to Col Bob Stewart last night (soon to have a new UK Telly show), now you wouldn't get him bumbling about moaning about horse shit in deepest English country on internet forums, No Sir!


Now there's a seriously decent Chap if ever there was one, innit*


Full Steam ahead number One! (Full Steamin ahead in Scotland).

Pretty amused by some of the B&B in London posts, I reckon a fair few Chaps around here couldn't arrange a free piss up in a Brewery if the truth were to be known, Wotta loada old Bollocks, really*

Fritz von Fritzland,

Apart from voting I am going to attend my first protest march later this week - the march is about the Right to March and peacefully protest. Some of you Brits may like to go on similar marches while you have the right to do so! The way your civil liberties are being constantly eroded is an outrage. Complacency never changed anything as Fritz has often said. I'm not sure voting is enough these days.

Acad von its time to stand up and be counted.

Acad Old Son, you do seem to meet a lot of Swindon born nutty drivers don't you! In fact you're nearly as war-zone prone as Our Academic Brother of the Bouncer variety innit, and says he was an ex-copper?

Regards,

Fritz Von I wonder if Nuclear testing in Australasia etc for instance amount to significantly buggering up the ozone layer, or are mopeds & Tuk Tuks more worserer John?


N.B. So-called PCSO injured badly earlier in Manchester during an eviction session, Why was he there? These Wallys are not trained for such things, I'll be interested to see how this developes, it has quite a lot of bearing on future er, incidents I feel*

Mind-Blowing Moronic Logic at work here! Yes Chaps and mine too if you will*

quote:

Originally posted by acad tsunami:
There is also the theory that if pigs had wings they would fly.

They've got Helicopters though me old matey!

Regards,

Fritz Von My Old Man's nickname years afore was the flying pig (never mentioned at home naturally) though amusing all the same, innit*

What on earth was that tracked drilling thingy that came out of Thunderbird Two's Pod called now Chaps?



Adrian the Soddin digger*

FAB Fritz,

de der der de der de der...The Mole



Did they ever load the wrong pod?

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
[QUOTE]

Fritz Von My Old Man's nickname years afore was the flying pig (never mentioned at home naturally) though amusing all the same, innit*

Fritz von why was he called the flying pig?

Acad my old man was called 'old money with no money' (good school but he was always skint)which was a bit cruel especially having six children!

quote:

Originally posted by acad tsunami:

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
[QUOTE]

Fritz Von My Old Man's nickname years afore was the flying pig (never mentioned at home naturally) though amusing all the same, innit*

Fritz von why was he called the flying pig?

Acad my old man was called 'old money with no money' (good school but he was always skint)which was a bit cruel especially having six children!

Basically Acad, because as far as I'm aware he broke doors down, and on occassion certain armed IRA suspects etc, went into the air, rather than him or his colleagues shooting them dead and in all honesty I shouldn't even be saying this on air to you, but I have, so there you have it.**


Regards,


Fritz Von I'm very tired and emotional at present John²

Goodnight***

Had a letter earlier from an old pal of mine who lives in Northants and said he'd had serious probs of late with burglars and stuff (just like Yon Post on here strangely enough Johns?) (1st time ever) who'd tried to rob him and his family. Frightening stuff I thought to myself, and the local police are over-loaded with other more important things seemingly; so we compramised, innit, as they weren't really interested at all in the real world (Sorry Our Andy, it's a Fact Son,& Parry's Club Chaps live on another Planet as you well know, as will he one day find out unfortunately too)*



Newspapers are brilliant for cleaning winders wiv Chaps as many of your wives will no doubt tell you, innit*

Thats's it! I'm giving you Chaps no more, you ungratefull lot, really*#



Brrrp:

quote:

Originally posted by Beano:
FAB Fritz,

de der der de der de der...The Mole





Did they ever load the wrong pod?

I really don't know if Our Mick's Stingray would have fitted in it, innit John?


FAB

Fritz Von The swimming pool's leaking again apparently?

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
I wonder how many future threads we'll see on here explaining to all and sundrie why England got totally wiped out in the current Ashes Tour?
Posted 00:22 23.11.06.

Fritz Von The excuses, the cheating, the dodgey balls*
*

Best to get it into place for the third test Chaps, What!

Fritz Von Yus My Dear![/QUOTE]



TRUTH WILL TRIUMPH


Fredders Old Chap did you know that Poland*s terrible twins totally ignored Berlin's Mayor recently on a vist to Warsaw!

Regards,

Fritz Von He's not one of them you see, he's er, one of them*

Dear Fritz,

No I did not know that, but there is a proper row brewing between the EU and Russia over the Russian ban on Polish meat! That has been reported on the Farming Programme on R4 at 5:45 am. last week over several days!

Quite a robust debate about the relative hygiene standards in the two countries took place. Best rough and tumble I have listened to on that usually rather sleepy programme for years!

I think the new (Ex Soviet Block) countries entering the EU will bring a sharper edge to the debates within the EU. Till Poland used its veto over the issue, it had received no support from other member states, who were trying the usual diplomatic fudge. I would think this is not the way some the new states will see it from now on! This is good in my view...

Kindest regards from Fredrik

You'll be possibly aware too then Our Fredders that Russia may well soon be banning UK milk (and Dairy products) because of not coming up to world TB testing standards (The only possible UK milk exported to EU that I can think of is NAAFI stuff, and most of that's Danish anyway John).

Regards,


Fritz Von Polish meat is marvellous, the Ruskies don't know what They're missing*

Did you notice how much meat the Poles eat when they're seriously drinking?

I've just found out that my old Scouse Pal Dennis who died 3 weeks ago (52) has just been certified as a natural death by the police coroner, so that's something at least.


Fritz Von I'm supposed to be going to his old mates birthday do tonight (also a Northern Git), but I think I'll give it a miss, innit*

P.S. And No Our Mick, he didn't have a heart attack when the dole office gave him a job, he choked during a asthma attack it seems*