England set off to Australia to retain Ashes tonight.

The England boys and the new advisor (see picture above) will be dancing hard tonight


The Aussies have fallen in to our cunning trap.

We refused to bowl the Aussies out and allowed them to smash us all over the place to keep them out there as long as possible. Meanwhile, as Ponting and Langer messed around in the middle, the rest of the team struggled to wake up McGrath and Warne who were asleep in front of the telly and thus delayed the start of the England innings.

As predicted, when he did come out McGrath was hobbling around as he's had enough and wants to go back to his nursing home as there is a tea dance on tomorrow. England have forced Australia into the fifth day they didn't want.

All England have to do now is get the tailenders to hold out against the old codgers until the rains come.

First test: Draw!

I love an optimist!

The way I see it is 355 to win, as long as the rain holds off - as Russell Osman said in Escape to Victory when the allies were losing 4-1 at half time: We can still win this.

Ah well at least a couple of our batsmen have remembered what they're about.

The Aussies must be knackered though, having to declare after only a couple of hundred in the second innings. Must be all he running they've been doing up to now. Looks like we've got em on the ropes. Keep going boys. They don't like it up em.

ROTF

You're right - we can win this. How could I have been so negative? With Hoggard, Harmison, Anderson and Giles still to come we should be able to knock off the 355 required.

Almost everyone's "doing a Harmi". Hoggard nearly bowled a wide with the first ball of the day, and Brett Lee nearly bowled a wide with the first ball of England's second innings.

Steve

This reads like a pfm thread - loads of England bashing and no support. Some of you have short memories.

We didn't win the ashes without conceding a test last year, did we. We looked out of it at lords, didn't we?

Get a grip - this series is far from over. That said, some of the senior players will need to step up to the plate...

quote:

That said, some of the senior players will need to step up to the plate...

Perhaps they SHOULD be playing baseball then....

quote:

Originally posted by andy c:
This reads like a pfm thread - loads of England bashing and no support. Some of you have short memories.

We didn't win the ashes without conceding a test last year, did we. We looked out of it at lords, didn't we?

Get a grip - this series is far from over. That said, some of the senior players will need to step up to the plate...

Andy

I agree. It's just a little bit of humour to see us through the bashing England are currently getting.

As you rightly point out England lost the first test last year. They have already started to get a grip and I am sure it will get better through the series.

We only have to draw to retain the Ashes.

I also don't think that you can underestimate the loss of Michael Vaughan, Troy Cooley and Simon Jones. I'm sure Cooley would have had Harmy's action sorted out by now.

We also need to bring in Monty for a different dimension to our bowling.

Mark

Hopefully today's better performance is a sign that England are getting over their 'first night nerves'. Let us hope that some confidence has been injected, that a draw might yet be salvaged (and how would Oz feel about that, having had us under the cosh for so much of the time?!) and move on to the next Test.

But (as I said the the half full/half empty thread) I do like a bit of 'Dunkirk spirit' humour in the face of difficulty, and - deprived on 'office banter' working on my own - I have really appreciated the wit of the cricket and rubgy threads!

Keep the wit coming!
James

Mark,
I'll wind me neck in, dude.

I just get a little passionate about folk dissing national teams that, in the face of it, have done rather well for us over the last few years.

I am somewhat vexed tho as to why we have not put our best team on the field i.e. no Reid and no Panesar...

I don't think there is much wrong with the batting when it fires, but I'd have also kept a winning captain in Strauss and left Freddie alone...

Off t get me cars washed...

quote:

Originally posted by markah:
Bring it on!! There's a simple way to win - bowl line and length, no silly shots, and take all your catches - dead easy! I'm now sat patiently in front of the TV, curbing my wine intake, for a fantastic night's viewing. Or at least the first hour anyway.

NO SILLY SHOTS!!! Obviously Strauss, Collingwood and Freddie don't read this forum. Imagine the optimism if we had only been two wickets down going into the last day.....with the possibility of an unlikely (and undeserved) draw. Now that would feel like a victory!

Mark

Here we go then chaps, day 5, who'd have thought it?

Pray for rain and resistance like we haven't seen since the French in WW2.

Pietersen will do the business for us and ensure the draw. Ponting is going to rue the biggest cock up in test match history.

Come on the barmy army!

Mark

England comprehensively beaten by Australia.

Looking rather like the death of English cricket, all over again...

1-0 down, but we'll be back.

I think playing in the middle of the night has disrupted us, but we'll overcome that.

quote:

Originally posted by ROTF:

I think playing in the middle of the night has disrupted us, but we'll overcome that.

I suppose that means that the team is now drinking in the middle of the day...

Jetlag - best excuse yet!!

Did we lose then?!!!

I thought the idea was to be the first to use all the batsmen - which we won easily!

Never mind.

Big Chief Raindance has been called in for an emergency review with management this morning and will be offered the option of falling on his sword or the somewhat more messy route of dismissal.

So we have given you a one game start again just to give you a hint of a chance. It's so much more fun coming from behind to win.

I'm just a little disappointed we will not now be whitewashing the Aussies!


Mark

England had their best day of the tour so far yesterday!

What did they do - have the day off?

Most had the day off, while Harmy pelted the nets. He uses nets with extra long sides...

Unlike certain overpaid 'world class' footballers who have consistently failed to deliver anything like a world class performance in an England shirt this bloke has held up his hand, said it is not good enough and got on with sorting it out by hard work. Good luck to him.

We need it.

quote:

Originally posted by Bruce Woodhouse:
Unlike certain overpaid 'world class' footballers who have consistently failed to deliver anything like a world class performance in an England shirt this bloke has held up his hand, said it is not good enough and got on with sorting it out by hard work. Good luck to him.

We need it.

I hope Harmy can pull it together for his sake as much as England's. He is a confidence bowler, but when he is in form he is not called 'Grievous Bodily Harmison' for nothing. We badly miss Simon Jones though, as the Aussies really struggled to cope last year with his reverse swing. When one seam bowler was 'off' another would be 'on' and the Aussies were unable to cope.

At last, some useful insight into the two teams:

England opener Andrew Strauss has come out swinging, forecasting his side would wallop the Aussie players in a stoush.

"Fred could take three of the Aussies down, Steve Harmison would get stuck into two, I could take one . . . but they've got some big guys in their squad," Strauss said.

Strauss hasn't done his pre-fight analysis, say team insiders.

"I have yet to see a fight break out in a cricket match, but there are some handy boys in the Australian side," said former Australian fitness trainer Jock Campbell. The key weapon would be feisty Justin Langer, who has a karate brown belt and recently sparred with champion boxer Vic Darchinynan.

Langer's hulking partner Matt Hayden hits the focus mitts hard as well, said Campbell, while super-fit Adam Gilchrist can last the rounds and Glenn McGrath and Brett Lee pack a punch.

Shane Warne and captain Ricky Ponting also are said to be able to box

Steve

PS I believe everything except for Shane Warne and Ricky Ponting being able to box.

Perhaps we should scrap the cricket and just have a good old fashioned 'bundle'. No biting or gouging. Winner takes all!

Mark