Insults-with-artistic-merit thread?

Bob Monkhouse
'My family laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. They're not laughing now'

[QUOTE]Originally posted by fidelio:
this is a quote from a fellow forumite. i think it's an excellent insultQUOTE]

Fidelio, as the person this particular "insult" was directed at, I have to say I was left more bemused than insulted (how does Mick know what camels' rectums smell like? He hasn't been.... well, let's leave it there, shall we?). It's just a random collection of unrelated grumblings, the sort of thing schoolboys make up.

Not much wit or artistic merit in it as far as I can see but I guess were all entitled to our opinions. You must have low expectations of life I suppose.

Pip pip!

quote:

Originally posted by acad tsunami:

quote:

Originally posted by Blueknowz:
Oscar Wilde to Charles Dickens on a Crossing to America when he was seasick " I knew you would bring up something eventually"

I doubt it. Charles Dickens died in 1851 and Oscar Wilde was born in 1854.

Dickens died June 9th 1870 his father died in 1851
I got the quote from The Life and Works of Oscar Wilde Richard Ellman

Most people would die rather than think - and frequently they do. Bertrand Russell

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Churchill, who was in the bathroom when informed by his butler that the Lord Privy Seal wished to speak to him:
'Tell the Privy Seal that I am sealed to the privy and can only deal with one shit at a time'

Clint Eastwood, in 'High Plains Drifter':
'Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining'

Anonymous, to complaining individual:
'Do you want cheese to go with that whine?'

Here's Oscar Wilde (somewhat unfairly, I feel) on Alexander Pope:

"There are two ways of disliking poetry. One way is to dislike it; the other is to read Pope."

quote:

Churchill, who was in the bathroom when informed by his butler that the Lord Privy Seal wished to speak to him:
'Tell the Privy Seal that I am sealed to the privy and can only deal with one shit at a time'

Brilliant.

Clint Eastwood, in 'High Plains Drifter':
'Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining'

I think that was in "The Outlaw Josey Whales" - (Hope I've spelt that correctly.)

quote:

Originally posted by Blueknowz:
[QUOTE]

Dickens died June 9th 1870 his father died in 1851
I got the quote from The Life and Works of Oscar Wilde Richard Ellman

You are quite right and I stand humbly corrected. My apologies.

Originally posted by Kevin-W:
Originally posted by fidelio:
this is a quote from a fellow forumite. i think it's an excellent insult

Fidelio, as the person this particular "insult" was directed at, I have to say I was left more bemused than insulted (how does Mick know what camels' rectums smell like? He hasn't been.... well, let's leave it there, shall we?). It's just a random collection of unrelated grumblings, the sort of thing schoolboys make up.

Not much wit or artistic merit in it as far as I can see but I guess were all entitled to our opinions. You must have low expectations of life I suppose.

Pip pip!


gee, k-w, you guys are always dressing us yanks down for not understanding irony. glad you were bemused, and didn't our moms tell us to have low expectations (or was that the dalai lama ... oh well)?

deanne, hoping for a ban. would get a lot more done around the house ....

adam?

A nice put down from Sir Alec Issigonis [designer of the Morris Minor/100 and Mini, as well as many other great cars] for the designers of the Morris Marina [which was a stop-gap model that hung around for a very long time!]:

"My chest swells with pride every time I see a Marina. To think that I had nothing to do with designing it!"

ATB from Fredrik

Elgar on Brahms, whose works elgar conducted very well apparently:

"Old Brahms is dull! When he gets excited, all he can do is get the Triangle out!"

ATB from Fredrik

quote:

Originally posted by fidelio:

deanne, hoping for a ban. would get a lot more done around the house ....

fidelio (on the roof?)

I hope you understood my use of irony. Parry calls for everybody to be banned when he decides he doesn't like what they say. He's even banned himself a few times but lurks for a while and then can't help himself and starts posting again. (Correct me if I'm wrong, Mick...)

(Oh, and call me 'Deanne' three times in a row and I'll let your tyres down... )

everybody has ironic problems in the cyberworld - lack of the facial / intonation cues, i think the psycholinguists would say ... but, yes, i'm not so retarded that i missed that. as far as tires, it's a long way from from nz, and once you get here, it's two benzes and a truck, but when you're done, we'll listen to some tunes. rgds., fiddy

Two I've heard uttered by friends:

"Her grey-matter came into contact with a microwave."

"He acts a lot shorter than he is."

dn'l

Wasn't it the actress Irene Handl who, on being subjected to a keen young director trying to explain the finer points of some new technical wizadry, interrupted him with, "Young man, I think you're confusing me with one of those actresses who gives a fuck."

Deane

I am banned from the Mana forum until 2031. The chances are I will be dead by then so I will not be going back there. The reason for being banned was that John Watson got fed up with me saying that Mana was bloody ugly. He should have made it look better but he didn't and the market shrank and it is now all over.

I have been banned from PFM twice for bollocking two useless scumbags who made very snidy and unnecessary comments about Naim users.

I have never been banned from the Naim Forum.

My input depends on my work.

I am contributing regularly at the moment because I am working in Swindon but I often get offers to work in London and China and if that happens I will hardly show my face.

If I work in London I rise at 5.00am and get home at 8.00pm and at 58 I cannot find the energy I once had, so I get home, slosh some whisky down myself and either watch the box or play the hifi, the last thing I want to do is switch on the pc. Hence I go through spells of being here and away.

If I do take up the China offer, then I will virtually disappear until I return.

So it is all ups and downs.

Regards

Mick

Never liked the Chinese til now.

mick, sounds kinda like my routine, save the whiskey, 56 and downtown everyday for 9 hrs. of protecting utility profits, 2 hr. commute, and a little music if i'm lucky. have fun in china .... fiddy

Mick
Take care. They have 48 capital offences in China.

quote:

Mick
Take care. They have 48 capital offences in China.

And it's chock full of commies.

quote:

Originally posted by Malky:

quote:

Mick
Take care. They have 48 capital offences in China.

And it's chock full of commies.

They're not commies - they're just big-boned...