It's English Jim, but not as we know it...

Posted by: seagull on 04 August 2008

I've just received the following job specification from a recruitment agency...

<name removed to protect the language impaired> is seeking a Director of Consulting to join their team to provide a lead for the group of consultants within the Defence Capability Development Team.

Key Responsibilities:

Lead on strategic intent development
Consulting practices
Customer Relationship Development at senior levels to help alignment of future opportunities & business development themes
Support to Business Unit demands on take-up of Through Life Capability Management techniques

Translation of System & Technical requirements for Capability Development into workplan & funded programmes

I recognise the indiviual words but...

Posted on: 04 August 2008 by tonym

Do you know, I've wanted to do that very thing since I was a young toddler. You lucky, lucky swine...

Typical management-speak gobbledegook. Don't they realise how stupid it all sounds?

Posted on: 04 August 2008 by 555

We appear to have a blue sky thinking scenario, Captain.

Posted on: 04 August 2008 by Bruce Woodhouse

The prolific use of capitals is always a warning sign. I wonder who could convert that advert into the most brief and pithy alternative? My suggestion is;

'We want somebody to tell us what we should be doing, now and in the future."

Incidentally, in another rebellion against 'newspeak' I'm struggling not to let the newly adopted verb 'to medal' ruin my anticipation of the Olympics.

Bruce

Posted on: 04 August 2008 by 555

Posted on: 08 August 2008 by 555

There's a Lot of It About ...

Posted on: 08 August 2008 by Exiled Highlander

You could always grow your own.
Cheers

Jim

Posted on: 08 August 2008 by 555

Excellent link Jim; I need to send my boss an email,
& this is the perfect tool.

Posted on: 08 August 2008 by TomK

Jim,
I was going to forward your link to our marketing department but then I realised they're probably already using it.

Posted on: 08 August 2008 by Exiled Highlander

Tom

Your Marketing Dept is probably conceptualizing a strategic review of the paradigm shifts needed enable a step change in the end user perception of the high level corporate value propositions.

To do this, they a few gin and tonics and a bullshitometer!

Have a good end to the current work unit as well as a good beginning to the upcoming expected future work period that is expected to start on the second day of next week. That should translate into have a good weekend!

Cheers

Jim

Posted on: 08 August 2008 by Exiled Highlander

555

I don't have a boss as I just resigned!

Off to have a Peroni!

Cheers

Jim

Posted on: 08 August 2008 by TomK

Jim,
Don't forget I'm middle aged with the associated prostate irregularities. PMSL sadly is closer to being a statement of fact than it used to be.

Posted on: 08 August 2008 by Exiled Highlander

Tom

TMI mate! Even though I had to look up PMSL as I had no clue what it meant!

Cheers

Jim

Posted on: 09 August 2008 by tonym

That's an ace link Jim!

Posted on: 09 August 2008 by Exiled Highlander

I sort of live in a related world to this so it appealed to me!

Cheers

Jim

PS. Is there 2 l's in appealed in UK spelling - I've been gone too long!

Posted on: 09 August 2008 by Willy

All made perfect sense to me. I'll have another beer and try again later.

Willy.

Posted on: 10 August 2008 by Marcopolovitch

So sick was I of everyone using stock, hollow and cliched phrases at work, I have started using my own as a defence:

"We need to change the straw around here".

Hasn't done my career much good but usually gets a laugh at least.

Cheers, Marco

Posted on: 10 August 2008 by Jono 13

That looks horribly like something my employer would use, and we are in that industry!

Do not accept under any circumstances.

Jono