What's your best (new) short joke?
Posted by: AL4N on 30 December 2002
Given that my memory is not what it used to be(I'm know in my 30's), what joke's can you offer that may have a chance of being remembered,
cheer's Alan
cheer's Alan
Posted on: 12 January 2002 by samo7
A young man was walking to his fiancées house, when he noticed some rather lovely flowers growing in a field. He hopped over the fence and began picking them, only to discover he was in the same field as a large Bull of unfriendly appearance which, gazing at him steadily began pawing the ground in a threatening manner. The young Man, spying a Farmer on the other side of a distant fence, shouted "Hey, mister, is that Bull safe?"
The Farmer surveyed the situation with a critical eye, and called back "He's safe as anything" and after a pause, added "Can't say the same about you, though".
The Farmer surveyed the situation with a critical eye, and called back "He's safe as anything" and after a pause, added "Can't say the same about you, though".
Posted on: 30 December 2002 by Bruce Woodhouse
Two fleas leave the cinema, its raining. One to the other, 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'
Well it is short.
Bruce
Well it is short.
Bruce
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by throbnorth
Q: What's glass, has a patch over one eye, and floats around in an oven off Land's End?
A: The Pyrex of Penzance.
throb
A: The Pyrex of Penzance.
throb
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by Jez Quigley
I woke up this morning with 5 penis's, I went straight round to the doctor. He asked me how I'd got my trousers on. I said they are ok, in fact they fit me like a glove.
"All systems are perfectly designed to get the results they get."
"All systems are perfectly designed to get the results they get."
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by Jez Quigley
I asked my butcher where his assistant was. He told me he had fired him for putting his dick in the bacon slicer. Yuk! I said, what did you do with the bacon slicer? The butcher replied 'I fired her too'
"All systems are perfectly designed to get the results they get."
"All systems are perfectly designed to get the results they get."
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by Nigel Cavendish
...I have a strawberry stuck up my bum
- Don't worry, I'll give you some cream for that.
cheers
Nigel
- Don't worry, I'll give you some cream for that.
cheers
Nigel
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by garyi
What do you call a giraffe with no eyes?
A graph
Well ok you need to say that one out loud.
A graph
Well ok you need to say that one out loud.
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by man2wolf
Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A Carrot!
A: A Carrot!
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by Bruce Woodhouse
'Doctor, can you give me something for this terrible cough?
Doctor puts enormous bottle of syrup of figs on the table.
'Sorry, I think you misheard me, I said I have a bad cough'
'I know. Drink that and trust me, you won't dare cough'
Bruce
Doctor puts enormous bottle of syrup of figs on the table.
'Sorry, I think you misheard me, I said I have a bad cough'
'I know. Drink that and trust me, you won't dare cough'
Bruce
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by garyi
So good they named it twice!
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by Steve Toy
Pub local: Paddy, if I can guess how many geese you've got hidden in your coat, can I have one?
Paddy the poacher: If you can guess how many I've got you can have the them both!
PC disclaimer - An Irishman told me this one.
Regards,
Steve.
Paddy the poacher: If you can guess how many I've got you can have the them both!
PC disclaimer - An Irishman told me this one.
Regards,
Steve.
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by Nigel Cavendish
Doctor, when I wake in the morning I have this compulsion to sing "Delilah" and when I go to bed I must sing "The green green grass of home"
- You have the Tom Jones syndrome
Is that common?
- It's not unusual.
cheers
Nigel
- You have the Tom Jones syndrome
Is that common?
- It's not unusual.
cheers
Nigel
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by quincy
Q. What part of a woman's body should not move while she is dancing?
A. Her bowels.
AQD
A. Her bowels.
AQD
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by MarkEJ
Two parrots were sitting on a perch.
Said one to the other:
"Can you smell fish?"
Said one to the other:
"Can you smell fish?"
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by AV
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last
instruction of
the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint
on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to
lock the door of the room, strip off their habits and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?", calls one of the nuns.
"The Blind man", replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm
can come from letting a blind man into the room, so they open the door.
"Nice tits", says the man, "where do you want this blind?".
instruction of
the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint
on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to
lock the door of the room, strip off their habits and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?", calls one of the nuns.
"The Blind man", replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm
can come from letting a blind man into the room, so they open the door.
"Nice tits", says the man, "where do you want this blind?".
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by ChrisD
Whats pink and hard?
A pig with a flick knive!
A pig with a flick knive!
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by Roy T
Q. What is translucent and sticky?
A. Cum, cum - you don't expect an answer do you?
A. Cum, cum - you don't expect an answer do you?
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by NaimDropper
...phone rings in the barber's shop...
Caller: Bob Peters there?
Barber: Nope, just haircuts.
Caller: Bob Peters there?
Barber: Nope, just haircuts.
Posted on: 31 December 2002 by Peter Litwack
A girl from New Jersey and a girl from the west coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from New Jersey, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya from?"
The west coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from New Jersey sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:
"So, where ya from, bitch?"
The west coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from New Jersey sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:
"So, where ya from, bitch?"
Posted on: 02 January 2003 by David Sutton
The other night I had a dream.
I dreamt I was awake.
And when I woke up, I was!
ha ha ha
I dreamt I was awake.
And when I woke up, I was!
ha ha ha
Posted on: 02 January 2003 by Tony Lockhart
Q. What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A. A zebra.
A. A zebra.
Posted on: 02 January 2003 by Matt Gear
A man walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barman says to him "excuse me mate, did you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of the front of your trousers?". The man replies "yeah, I know. It's driving me nuts"
cheers
matt
cheers
matt
Posted on: 02 January 2003 by Tony Lockhart
Hear about the dyslexic man that walked into a bra....
Posted on: 02 January 2003 by AL4N
Not bad at all, keep 'em comeing even i can remember some of those
cheer's Alan
cheer's Alan
Posted on: 02 January 2003 by David Stewart
1st Sailor to 2nd Sailor: Where's the soap
2nd Sailor to 1st Sailor: Sure does!
David
2nd Sailor to 1st Sailor: Sure does!
David