What's your best (new) short joke?
Posted by: AL4N on 30 December 2002
Given that my memory is not what it used to be(I'm know in my 30's), what joke's can you offer that may have a chance of being remembered,
cheer's Alan
cheer's Alan
Posted on: 02 January 2003 by DAVOhorn
What is black and white and read all over?
A newspaper !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two Nuns in the bath and one says to the other
Where's the soap?
The other replies
Yes it does !!!!!!!!!
golden oldies i know.
regards David
A newspaper !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two Nuns in the bath and one says to the other
Where's the soap?
The other replies
Yes it does !!!!!!!!!
golden oldies i know.
regards David
Posted on: 02 January 2003 by DAVOhorn
An american is driving through Dublin in his vast Yank Tank.
Stops at the traffic lights.
Paddy walks over and says " that be a fine motor car you there sir "
Yank replies " yes it is thanks, and fast too"
Paddy replies " i would believe that "
Yank adds " when i am on my own the car will do over 100 miles an hour on a good straight "
Paddy replies " well i would hate to drive with you when you are on your own "
regards David
Stops at the traffic lights.
Paddy walks over and says " that be a fine motor car you there sir "
Yank replies " yes it is thanks, and fast too"
Paddy replies " i would believe that "
Yank adds " when i am on my own the car will do over 100 miles an hour on a good straight "
Paddy replies " well i would hate to drive with you when you are on your own "
regards David
Posted on: 02 January 2003 by Steve Toy
A guy wins the lottery, buys a Ferrari and wants to put it through its paces on normal roads without fear of losing his licence.
He considers Germany, but doesn't like the idea of driving on the right, so he heads for Ireland where there is not much traffic, and police are few and far between.
He finds a nice straight country road and so puts his foot down. He reaches 170 mph when Paddy and Murphy emerge from a field in a gap in the hedge into the road on a tractor pulling a trailer.
Our Ferrari driver cannot possibly stop in time, and so manages to swerve, miss the tractor and escape though the gap in the hedge through which the tractor had emerged. The cars bounces over the uneven surface of the field, rolls a few times and then explodes.
Paddy to Murphy: Be Joizus, it's a good job we came out of the field when we did!
Regards,
Steve.
He considers Germany, but doesn't like the idea of driving on the right, so he heads for Ireland where there is not much traffic, and police are few and far between.
He finds a nice straight country road and so puts his foot down. He reaches 170 mph when Paddy and Murphy emerge from a field in a gap in the hedge into the road on a tractor pulling a trailer.
Our Ferrari driver cannot possibly stop in time, and so manages to swerve, miss the tractor and escape though the gap in the hedge through which the tractor had emerged. The cars bounces over the uneven surface of the field, rolls a few times and then explodes.
Paddy to Murphy: Be Joizus, it's a good job we came out of the field when we did!
Regards,
Steve.
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by Alex S.
Are you unwell? That joke was funny.
Alex
Alex
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by David Stewart
Two Nuns riding a tandem through a small French town
1st Nun: Ooooh Sister - I've not come this way before!
2nd Nun: Don't worry dear it'll be the cobbles!
David
1st Nun: Ooooh Sister - I've not come this way before!
2nd Nun: Don't worry dear it'll be the cobbles!
David
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by Dave J
How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One two, one two
One two, one two
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by John Channing
Q:Why is a woman like a hurricane?
A:Because when she comes it's wet and wild and when she leaves she takes your house and car!
John
A:Because when she comes it's wet and wild and when she leaves she takes your house and car!
John
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by ray dodd
Q.What is pink and wrinkly and hangs out your underpants ?
A. Your mother
A. Your mother
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by Bruce Woodhouse
A 747 is carrying 250 schoolkids plus a teacher, a solictor and Michael Jackson.
Mid-atlantic the pilot announces that all 4 engines have failed and that in about 5 minutes the plane will crash into the ocean.
Teacher: That's terrible, what about all the poor children?
Solicitor: Bugger the children!
Michael Jackson: Good idea-do we have time?
Bruce
Mid-atlantic the pilot announces that all 4 engines have failed and that in about 5 minutes the plane will crash into the ocean.
Teacher: That's terrible, what about all the poor children?
Solicitor: Bugger the children!
Michael Jackson: Good idea-do we have time?
Bruce
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by count.d
Hehe
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by matthewr
Black guy and a Rabbi standing at a bus stop and the black guy says "What times the next bus due?"
The Rabbi replies: "Who knows? Since Thatcher deregulated the buses the service is completely unreliable and the timetables are meaningless"
Matthew
The Rabbi replies: "Who knows? Since Thatcher deregulated the buses the service is completely unreliable and the timetables are meaningless"
Matthew
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by Roy T
Whats the best short joke?
IDS.
Seen on a wall near Milbank Tower . . .
IDS.
Seen on a wall near Milbank Tower . . .
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by Kevin-W
What do you call a three-foot-high Jamaican?
A Yardie!
here's a mmuso joke...
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five - one to change the bulb, four to talk about how Steve Gadd would have done it!
Boom boom!
A Yardie!
here's a mmuso joke...
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five - one to change the bulb, four to talk about how Steve Gadd would have done it!
Boom boom!
Posted on: 03 January 2003 by Rockingdoc
How do you know when the drummer is at the door?
He keeps banging harder and faster, but still doesn't know when to come in.
malcolm
He keeps banging harder and faster, but still doesn't know when to come in.
malcolm
Posted on: 05 January 2003 by Chris Metcalfe
How many thriller writers does it take to C a L ?
One to screw it nearly all the way in and another to give it a surprising little twist at the end.
One to screw it nearly all the way in and another to give it a surprising little twist at the end.
Posted on: 05 January 2003 by AL4N
I seem to recall a little ditty about a woman from nantucket(excuse spelling if incorrect),but quite how it went fail's me.
Alan
Alan
Posted on: 05 January 2003 by ray dodd
Two flies on some dog s**t,one says to the other
'Have n't seen you for a while'
The other fly replies 'no I've been on the sick'
'Have n't seen you for a while'
The other fly replies 'no I've been on the sick'
Posted on: 05 January 2003 by quincy
An English batsman putting on sunblock.
AQD
AQD
Posted on: 05 January 2003 by Craig B
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from well below freezing to over 200 Celsius.
The Russians used a pencil.
The Russians used a pencil.
Posted on: 05 January 2003 by ray dodd
Lord of the manor interviewing for the gamekeepers position.Two locals and the village idiot applied for the job.The lord asked each one in turn the same question..'what would you do if you caught someone poaching on my land?'
The 1st local answer....warn him about his behaviour..NO!NO!NO!too soft..next! said the lord.
The 2nd local answer....threaten to report him to the police...NO!NO!NO!too soft..next! said the Lord.
The village idiot answer.....I'd shoot him...YES! YES! YES!...the job's yours said the lord
First day on the job the idiot meets a man in the forest carrying a bag over his shoulder. The idiot points his 12 bore at the man and challeges him.'what's in the bag' The man replies 'my laundry'.The idiot pokes him with the gun and says 'I'm not stupid I'll shoot'Ok the guy admits I've got a couple of wood pigeons.
The idiot lowers his gun and says 'boy are you lucky cos if they had been real ones I would have shot you .
The 1st local answer....warn him about his behaviour..NO!NO!NO!too soft..next! said the lord.
The 2nd local answer....threaten to report him to the police...NO!NO!NO!too soft..next! said the Lord.
The village idiot answer.....I'd shoot him...YES! YES! YES!...the job's yours said the lord
First day on the job the idiot meets a man in the forest carrying a bag over his shoulder. The idiot points his 12 bore at the man and challeges him.'what's in the bag' The man replies 'my laundry'.The idiot pokes him with the gun and says 'I'm not stupid I'll shoot'Ok the guy admits I've got a couple of wood pigeons.
The idiot lowers his gun and says 'boy are you lucky cos if they had been real ones I would have shot you .
Posted on: 08 January 2003 by BLT
Women walks into a bar, goes up to the barman and asks for a Double Entendre.
So he gave her one.
So he gave her one.
Posted on: 10 January 2003 by davewarehouse
What's pink and hard?
...The Financial Times crossword!
...The Financial Times crossword!
Posted on: 18 January 2003 by Nigel Cavendish
Barman sees a guy crying into his beer. "what's the matter?" he asks.
"My wife has run off with my best mate" is the reply.
"That's bad" says the barman.
"Yes" says the guy "I miss him".
cheers
Nigel
"My wife has run off with my best mate" is the reply.
"That's bad" says the barman.
"Yes" says the guy "I miss him".
cheers
Nigel
Posted on: 19 January 2003 by davewarehouse
Why did Mr Spock have his head down the toilet?
...He was looking at the Captains Log.
Errr does the Linn "kLOK" qualify for Best joke???
...He was looking at the Captains Log.
Errr does the Linn "kLOK" qualify for Best joke???
Posted on: 19 January 2003 by J.N.
Japanese bus conductor; he say.......
"Nippon"
"Nippon"