What's your best (new) short joke?

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so profound that
the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course,
why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question; Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One
student, however, wrote the following. First, we need to know how the mass of
Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving
into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely
assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state if you
are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.Since there is more than
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they
are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now,
we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until
Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by
Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before
I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I slept with her last
night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure Hell is exothermic and
has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has
frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a
divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting  Oh my
God. THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY A.



The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was
rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the
bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and
anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally,
John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook
the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation,
threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few
minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was
total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the
parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto
John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate
transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his
behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"


Why you should never question a drunk----

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You
must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked
at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity
getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely
correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, " 'Cause you're ugly


Fritz Von Onlyskindeepinnit:

The Barmaid Category: Drinking ,
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. They all suffer from a severe stutter. "What's it to be?" asks the stunningly beautiful landlady."Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi..." says the Englishman. Up steps the Irishman. "Threeee p pints of of of of gui gui gui gui..." Then the Scotsman tries. "Th th th thth th th th th th th th th th..." "Oh bugger this!" says the beautiful landlady and walks away to serve someone else. She returns ten minutes later and asks if they are ready to order yet. "Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi", stutters the Englishman. "Three pints of gui gui gui gui..." tries Paddy. And then Scotty starts "Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th...". "Look" says the beautiful landlady, who loves a bet. "If any one of = you can answer a simple question without stuttering I'll let you shag me!" Quite confident that no one will win, she turns to the Englishman. "Where do you live?" "M M M M M M M Man Man Man Man Manch Manch Manch." "No. You lose," says the beautiful landlady. Turning to the Scotsman, she asks, "Where do you live Scotty?" "E E E E EEd Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edinb." "Sorry, you lose," says the gorgeous woman. "And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman.
"London" blurts out the Irishman. "Oh. Bugger!" says the landlady. A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she strips to her underwear, next she takes off her bra exposing a voluptuous bosom. Finally she slides off her panties then climbs into bed. Paddy with concentration climbs aboard and goes for glory, and then right at the climaxing stroke, he suddenly screams out "...- D D D D D DDDDDerry!!"



Innit: Lucky Paddy innit:


And of course there's the one about how the Indians saved the pilgrim fathers through the second initial winter and how today America gives thanks on Thanksgiving Day for massacering the whole race almost, and the British get the bvlame of course as with Canada, Australia, and Africa etc, we should really have a Worldwide Thanksgiving Day, innit: Wot A larf, bad joke though

Fritz Von Baez

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!

"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!

She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute!

"Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled...



so I told her to f**k off.

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg has been invited to a halloween fancy dress party.
He does not know what costume to wear to hide his head and leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note. "Dear sir, please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate".

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint.

A week later and he receives another parcel and a note which says, "Dear sir, sorry about our previous suggestion - please find enclosed a
monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head you will really look the part."

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. He writes the company a really rude letter of complaint.

The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads,

"Dear sir, please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup. Pour the golden syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your a*se and go as a toffee apple."

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery CEOs decide to go out for a beer
at one of the famous London Pubs.

The CEO from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender goes to his beer supply from the shelf and gives it to him.

The CEO from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one from his beer supply.

The CEO from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
He gets it.

The CEO from Molsons says "I like a Canadian, please". He also gets it.

Finally, the CEO from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other CEOs look at the Guinness CEO and one asks "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and
the Guinness CEO replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

Derek

<< >>

That's a cracker Del Boy, Cheers, Fritz Von OJ

**** IF AFFECTED BY RECENT IRAQ ISSUES PLEASE DO NOT READ ****



Emlyn Hughes arrives in heaven and bumps into Ken Bigley.

"What do you up here for fun ?" asks Emlyn.

"We play football now and again" replies Ken.

Emlyn pulls on his old Liverpool shirt, drops a football and starts juggling the ball.

"Over here" shouts Ken "on me neck......"

The world renouned British landscape painter John Constable commented after
being asked why he was hanging some of his most famous works upon his wife's
revolving garden washing line, that.
"I think it really is most important, as
with those infamous sideline crabbers hiding within the vituality of that
'doubtfull', internet forum site "the paddeed cell" of Naim: with such the likes
of Deanne, Parry, Fritz, Toy, Alves, Robinson, Sean2, to name but a few, to
understand like myself the satisfaction and common sense of regularly 'airing
ones views !'


Fritz Von Sorryjustmadethatoneupinnit

"Time waits for no one, and it wont wait for you !"

A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognizable movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happend! ned, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the
trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was sceptical, but they assured that they'd
close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart
rate.
The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they
cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked".

Warming Up

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery
day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The
mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them
up." So the daughter did and her hands warmed up. The next day the daughter
was riding with her boyfriend and the boyfriend said "My hands are freezing
cold." The girl said "Put them between my legs, the warmth of mm body will
warm them up". So he did and warmed his hands. The following day the
boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said "My nose is
cold."The girl replied "Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will
warm it up."So he did and his nose began to get warm. He lifted his head up
from between the girls legs and said "Do you know what? I think my penis is
frozen solid" The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with
her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?
"Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter
replies, "Well they make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"


P.S. Isn't the previous 'joke' that which inspired Morrissey's happy lyric ?

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.


No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while
he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to
sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're
single. Just let it go.."



But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality,
whispering:......

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Dave.............

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..............you're a vet".

The Horth Whithperer

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"

"That's easy", he says, "He's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

"A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"? So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears. "Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?

The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth. "Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth I should rephwase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

Here's your starter for 10

http://www.labour.org.uk/splash291104.htm


Fritz Von Anilarfed³

Blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink
curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches"
"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"

The blonde says "Hellllooooooooo ... I've got Windoooows!"

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner...who lives with a female roommate Maria. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates." About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: Dear Momma, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Momma which
read: Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Momma

A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell
notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then
accesses a MS- SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150- page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals
and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant." says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business...

Now give me back my dog."

The Irish daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return,
her father cussed her; " Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why
didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why
didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum
through??!!" The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a
prostitute..." "WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!" "OK, Dad - as you
wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten
bed-roomed mansion, plus a savings account certificate for 35 million. For my
little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy the spanking new Mercedes
limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to
the Country Club...(takes a breath)...an invitation for you all to spend New
Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." "Now what was it you
said you had become?" Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad! ...
Sniff, sniff" "Oh! Be Jesus! - you scared me half to death, girl! I thought
you said "a Protestant". Come here and give your old man a hug!"

May your God go wit you !

Have you heard of a Shitsu.....??

A kind of dog right.....

....No

- It's a zoo with no animals in it!

quote:

---

Originally posted by arf005:
Have you heard of a Shitsu.....??

A kind of dog right.....

....No

- It's a zoo with no animals in it!

---

No wonder Sir alex left for Man U !

What I Want in a Man, Original List:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer thing
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)


1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)


1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

Fritz Von I wonder to who'm these attributes couls apply in this homophobic den of iniquity ?

N.B. Let's hope our Mattt didn't get too pissed last night with his 'Journo' chums, most disconcerting if he did, What ?

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.  As she lay
her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to
the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so
sorry, your pet has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"  "Yes, I'm sure. The duck is
dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any
testing on him or anything.  He might just be in a coma."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.  He returned a
few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.  As the duck's owner
looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws
on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.  He
then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the
dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat.

The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to
its tail and back again.  The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its
head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is
most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a
bill which he handed to the woman.  The duck's owner, still in shock,
took the bill. "£250!" she cried, "£250 just to tell me my duck is
dead?!!"

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry.  If you'd taken my word for it, the bill
would have been £20.  But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all
adds up."

20 ex N:I: coppers robbed a bank in Belfast, then tried to change loads of it in Dublin for €uro's, then the Ossie bank that owns it all says they're not insured, and if the police service hadn't been halved they might be some light still left at the end of the tunnel, innit ?

Fritz Von Wannabuyascoreforaladfyguvnor ?

This Mickey Mouse Computer consultant gave totally false advice, but still hit the punter with a massive bill.


Fritz Von Andilarfedsoidid

A redneck is released from prison after 6 years, he walks through the gates
at the state pen, and his wife and son are waiting in a beaten up old
pickup truck.
He gets in, stares into the distance and the only thing he says to her is
"F. F." she shakes her head and replies "E. F." he stares back into the
distance until they get on the highway, and again he says "F.F" and she
says . "E.F." this happens again, and again. The son is puzzled by all
this, and halfway home he cant take any more:-"ma, pa, what`s going on?"
" junior, your ma wants to eat first"



Year End Review


Want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your
damn chain letters over the past two years.



Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.



Because of your concern... I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.



I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.



I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the
rat faeces and urine.



I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.



I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.



I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.



I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.



I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaida in disguise.



I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops.



I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.



I no longer eat prepackaged foods because of the estrogen they contain
will turn me gay.



I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.



I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.



I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.



I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.



I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me.



I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).



I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating their
special e-mail program.



Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I
will now return the favour.



If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a
large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and
the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.


Innit;

An elderly couple go to a sex therapist's office.
the doctor asks "what can i do for you?"
the man says "will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" the doctor raises both eyebrows but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finish, the doctor says "there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse", he thanks them for comming he wishes them good luck, he charges £50 and says goodbye.

The next week however the couple return and ask
the sex therapist to watch again, the sex
therapist is a bit puzzled but agrees this happens several weeks in a row, the couple
makes an appointment,have intercourse with
no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.

Finally after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine the doctor says "I'm sorry but i have to ask you, just what are you trying to find out?"
the old man says " we're not trying to find out
anything, she's married and we can't go to her
house, i'm married and we can't go to my house
the Holiday Inn charges £98, the Hilton charges £139 we do it here for £50 and i get £43 back from BUPA.