What's your best (new) short joke?
Posted by: AL4N on 30 December 2002
Given that my memory is not what it used to be(I'm know in my 30's), what joke's can you offer that may have a chance of being remembered,
cheer's Alan
cheer's Alan
Posted on: 23 September 2005 by Earwicker
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a
smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom,
cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely
(she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what
brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom,
cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely
(she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what
brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
Posted on: 23 September 2005 by Earwicker
President Bush was visiting a primary school. One of the classes was in
the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The
teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the
word "tragedy".
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills
him, that would be a tragedy".
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a
great loss." The room went silent. No other children volunteered.
Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an
example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised
his hand.
In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs Bush
was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens, that
would be a tragedy." "Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right!
Can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," said the boy!
"It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss
and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either."
the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The
teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the
word "tragedy".
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills
him, that would be a tragedy".
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a
great loss." The room went silent. No other children volunteered.
Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an
example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised
his hand.
In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs Bush
was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens, that
would be a tragedy." "Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right!
Can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," said the boy!
"It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss
and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either."
Posted on: 24 September 2005 by Chris Kelly
Tony Blair started jogging around his home in Downing Street. Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
"Fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb.
"No! Five pounds!" His Tonyness would fire back.
This ritual between His Tonyness and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty pounds!" He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"
One day, Cherie decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, His Tonyness realised she'd bark her
£50 offer and Cherie would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He figured he'd better have a darn good explanation for the 'Boss'.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, His Tonyness became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker. His Tonyness tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog
past.
Then, from the pavement, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five quid?!"
"Fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb.
"No! Five pounds!" His Tonyness would fire back.
This ritual between His Tonyness and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty pounds!" He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"
One day, Cherie decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, His Tonyness realised she'd bark her
£50 offer and Cherie would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He figured he'd better have a darn good explanation for the 'Boss'.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, His Tonyness became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker. His Tonyness tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog
past.
Then, from the pavement, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five quid?!"
Posted on: 26 September 2005 by Earwicker
A bartender was washing his glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in.
The Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up
painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman looked towards the end of the bar and said, "Is that Jesus
down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give
Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back,
who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a
glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was
Jesus sitting at the end of the bar.
The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of
Chianti, too.
The third patron to enter the bar was a Glaswegian, who swaggered into
the bar and yelled, "Awright Big Man, gonnae gie us a pint o'lager.
Hey, is that thon God's Boy ower thair?" The barkeeper nodded, so the
Glaswegian told him to give Jesus a lager too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him
and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the
strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the
door.
Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"
The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his
head and did a flip out the door.
Jesus walked towards the Glaswegian,
but the Weegie jumped back and exclaimed,
" Dinnae you dare touch me!
Ah'm oan disability allowance!"
The Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up
painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman looked towards the end of the bar and said, "Is that Jesus
down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give
Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back,
who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a
glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was
Jesus sitting at the end of the bar.
The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of
Chianti, too.
The third patron to enter the bar was a Glaswegian, who swaggered into
the bar and yelled, "Awright Big Man, gonnae gie us a pint o'lager.
Hey, is that thon God's Boy ower thair?" The barkeeper nodded, so the
Glaswegian told him to give Jesus a lager too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him
and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the
strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the
door.
Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"
The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his
head and did a flip out the door.
Jesus walked towards the Glaswegian,
but the Weegie jumped back and exclaimed,
" Dinnae you dare touch me!
Ah'm oan disability allowance!"
Posted on: 26 September 2005 by Aiken Drum
Two explorers were captured by a tribe deep in the jungle. They were immediately sentenced to death by being boiled alive, but the chief told them that if they could complete a simple task, their lives would be spared.
They were told to go into the jungle and find 10 fruits all the same. The first explorer to return came back with 10 grapes. Thinking he was saved, he was greatly shocked to find there was a second part to the task - he was to stick all 10 grapes up his bum.
He manfully persevered with the task and was about to insert the 10th grape, when he burst out laughting and all the the grapes popped out.
Why did you laugh when you were so close to living?" asked the chief. The explorer replied "I've just seen my mate come back into the clearing and he's carrying 10 coconuts".
B
They were told to go into the jungle and find 10 fruits all the same. The first explorer to return came back with 10 grapes. Thinking he was saved, he was greatly shocked to find there was a second part to the task - he was to stick all 10 grapes up his bum.
He manfully persevered with the task and was about to insert the 10th grape, when he burst out laughting and all the the grapes popped out.
Why did you laugh when you were so close to living?" asked the chief. The explorer replied "I've just seen my mate come back into the clearing and he's carrying 10 coconuts".
B
Posted on: 26 September 2005 by Earwicker
>A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem.
> While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker
> told them, "You can have her shipped home for £5,000, or you can bury
>her here in the Holy Land for £150.
>
>
> The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped
> home.
>
> The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your
> mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
> you would spend only £150.
>
> The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three
> days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.
> While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker
> told them, "You can have her shipped home for £5,000, or you can bury
>her here in the Holy Land for £150.
>
>
> The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped
> home.
>
> The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your
> mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
> you would spend only £150.
>
> The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three
> days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.
Posted on: 26 September 2005 by Justyn
Posted on: 28 September 2005 by jayd
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Posted on: 28 September 2005 by Clay Bingham
Jayd
Posted on: 28 September 2005 by Stephen Tate
why did the mexican push his wife of a cliff..?
"tequila!...tequila!"
"tequila!...tequila!"
Posted on: 29 September 2005 by JAB
Bruce Jnr. was at school one morning in the outback and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came out: fireman, policeman, dunny salesman, chippy, Captain of Industry, bush pilot, etc., but Bruce
Jnr. was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father is an exotic dancer in a very popular gay nightclub in Brisbane, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, have a few schooners or midis, eat a few pies with sauce, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Bruce Jnr. aside to ask him if that was really true.
"No" said Bruce Jnr., "He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too embarrassed to say."
All the typical answers came out: fireman, policeman, dunny salesman, chippy, Captain of Industry, bush pilot, etc., but Bruce
Jnr. was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father is an exotic dancer in a very popular gay nightclub in Brisbane, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, have a few schooners or midis, eat a few pies with sauce, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Bruce Jnr. aside to ask him if that was really true.
"No" said Bruce Jnr., "He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too embarrassed to say."
Posted on: 29 September 2005 by Bruce Woodhouse
Posted on: 29 September 2005 by Diode100
The Understanding Man - He's a legend!
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used
to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up
and rekindling a little of that 'magic`.
Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a
bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She just giggled and said she was sure I'd rise to the challenge!!!
"Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline
that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!
She teased me saying that tubby bald men are cute!
"Anyway, I've put on a few pounds myself!" she
giggled...................
So I told her to "f**k off!"
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used
to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up
and rekindling a little of that 'magic`.
Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a
bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She just giggled and said she was sure I'd rise to the challenge!!!
"Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline
that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!
She teased me saying that tubby bald men are cute!
"Anyway, I've put on a few pounds myself!" she
giggled...................
So I told her to "f**k off!"
Posted on: 29 September 2005 by jason.g
this doesnt work written down but its funny when told right (its all in the timing)
knock knock
who's there?
impatient sheep,
impatient she----(interupt)BAAAAAHHH!
knock knock
who's there?
impatient sheep,
impatient she----(interupt)BAAAAAHHH!
Posted on: 29 September 2005 by Earwicker
Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and kept the same tag-line...
Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Nike Condoms - Just do it.
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.
Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.
Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide
FCUK condoms - no comment required.
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Renault condoms - size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!! (Please)
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of a animal
Polo condoms - the condom with the hole
The Manchester United Condom... One Yank and your whole world falls apart.
Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Nike Condoms - Just do it.
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.
Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.
Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide
FCUK condoms - no comment required.
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Renault condoms - size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!! (Please)
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of a animal
Polo condoms - the condom with the hole
The Manchester United Condom... One Yank and your whole world falls apart.
Posted on: 29 September 2005 by NaimThatTune
Inspired!
How about a few of my meagre additions:
Vodafone condoms: How are YOU? [works best with a Leslie Philips type accent]
IBM condoms - ON demand business
British Airways condoms - the world's favourite condom
Churchill Insurance condoms - oh yes!
John Lewis condoms - never knowingly underprotected
Mr Muscle condom - loves the jobs you hate (???)
Flash condoms - does the hard work, so you don't have to...
Vanish Oxy-Action condoms - forget stains, trust Pink!
PC World - stamping down on condoms (owwwwww!)
Puma Condoms - take care out there
British Gas - freeze your BG condoms until 2010 (brr!)
Amazon condoms - and you're done
and not forgetting:
Naim Audio Condoms - the ultimate condom - you've heard it all before but this time it's true!
[Now featuring a unique plug and only 500 quid each]
Cheers!
Rich.
How about a few of my meagre additions:
Vodafone condoms: How are YOU? [works best with a Leslie Philips type accent]
IBM condoms - ON demand business
British Airways condoms - the world's favourite condom
Churchill Insurance condoms - oh yes!
John Lewis condoms - never knowingly underprotected
Mr Muscle condom - loves the jobs you hate (???)
Flash condoms - does the hard work, so you don't have to...
Vanish Oxy-Action condoms - forget stains, trust Pink!
PC World - stamping down on condoms (owwwwww!)
Puma Condoms - take care out there
British Gas - freeze your BG condoms until 2010 (brr!)
Amazon condoms - and you're done
and not forgetting:
Naim Audio Condoms - the ultimate condom - you've heard it all before but this time it's true!
[Now featuring a unique plug and only 500 quid each]
Cheers!
Rich.
Posted on: 29 September 2005 by Deane F
And...
The Body Shop Condoms - not tested on animals
The Body Shop Condoms - not tested on animals
Posted on: 30 September 2005 by Diode100
Three old ornery grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
About then an old man walked by, and one of the old grandmas says, "We bet we can tell how old you are."
The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it."
One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your undershorts and we can tell your exact age."
He did.
The grandmas stared at him for a while and then they all piped up and said
"You're 84 years old!"
The old man was stunned. "Amazing! How did you guess that?"
The ornery old grandmas, laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from
ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "You told us yesterday!"
About then an old man walked by, and one of the old grandmas says, "We bet we can tell how old you are."
The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it."
One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your undershorts and we can tell your exact age."
He did.
The grandmas stared at him for a while and then they all piped up and said
"You're 84 years old!"
The old man was stunned. "Amazing! How did you guess that?"
The ornery old grandmas, laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from
ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "You told us yesterday!"
Posted on: 30 September 2005 by 7V
quote:Originally posted by NaimThatTune:
Naim Audio Condoms - the ultimate condom - you've heard it all before but this time it's true!
[Now featuring a unique plug and only 500 quid each]
and I thought Naim used the rhythm method.
Steve M
Posted on: 30 September 2005 by Chris Kelly
While suffering the agonies of impending death, a man suddenly smelled the
aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his
remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and
with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were
dozens of his favourite cheese scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife . . . . . . .
"F*** Off!!" she said, "They're for the funeral."
aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his
remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and
with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were
dozens of his favourite cheese scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife . . . . . . .
"F*** Off!!" she said, "They're for the funeral."
Posted on: 30 September 2005 by Nime
quote:Originally posted by 7V:
and I thought Naim used the rhythm method.
Steve M
True..... but leaves you feeling like a total PRAT afterwards.
Posted on: 30 September 2005 by Earwicker
Aussie Salesman In Harrods looking for a job.
The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."
The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first day on
the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK,
so
how many sales did you make today?" The Aussie said "One." The
manager
groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average20 or 30
sales
a day. How much was the sale for?"
"£101,237.64." the Aussie replied.
The manager choked and exclaimed "£101,237.64? What the hell did you
sell him?"
Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook,
and
then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was
going
fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a
boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that
twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic
would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x
4
Suzuki".
The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in
here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?".
No, no, no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife
and
I said.........'Well, since your weekend's f*cked, you might as well
go
fishing."
The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."
The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first day on
the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK,
so
how many sales did you make today?" The Aussie said "One." The
manager
groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average20 or 30
sales
a day. How much was the sale for?"
"£101,237.64." the Aussie replied.
The manager choked and exclaimed "£101,237.64? What the hell did you
sell him?"
Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook,
and
then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was
going
fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a
boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that
twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic
would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x
4
Suzuki".
The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in
here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?".
No, no, no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife
and
I said.........'Well, since your weekend's f*cked, you might as well
go
fishing."
Posted on: 30 September 2005 by Earwicker
A chap is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry, do you know me?" She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children".
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "Christ!" he says "Are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the pool table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?"
"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher!"
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry, do you know me?" She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children".
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "Christ!" he says "Are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the pool table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?"
"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher!"
Posted on: 30 September 2005 by 7V
Went bobsleighing last night
.
.
.
.
.
.
killed fifty bobs
.
.
.
.
.
.
killed fifty bobs
Posted on: 30 September 2005 by Jim Lawson
earwicker
repeat.
rtft
Jim
repeat.
rtft
Jim