What's your best (new) short joke?

Not so short but good nevertheless.....

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You’re on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Believe it or not I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing over and over again. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer & I don't think I could do that all day long".

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I'd be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," said George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied behind his head, and his legs in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush looked in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Anteater walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.

"Why the long face?" asks the barman.

How does a mathematician deal with constipation?

He works it out with a pencil.

3 old ladies sitting on a bench,it's windy today,say's the first,no!i think it's thursday replied the second, so am i said the third,let's have a cup of tea.
GaryW, there was no stipulation on how low the thread can go,
Cheer's Alan

Why dont cannibals eat clowns?



They taste funny.

Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Californians don't screw in a lightbulb, they screw in a jacuzzi.

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One. AND IT'S NOT FUNNY.

Q: Why do men piss in the sink?

A: Because we can.

Cheers,

Tim
_____________________________

Os nid Campagnolo yw hi, dyw hi ddim yn werth ei marcho...

[This message was edited by Tim Danaher on WEDNESDAY 22 January 2003 at 16:45.]

Funny joke?

Q. Where does Sadam Hussein keep his cd collection?
A. A rack.
Tony

2 pounds fifty for three pints,a scotch,and steak and chips with all the works,well cheap my man!Bye the way,"where's the guvnor of the place ?"" he's upstairs with my missus,""what's he doing up there with your missus?""same as I'm doin down here, with his bleedin business,innit." phwoah.

Fritz.

Graham Ricketts

Quincy's is the first one to make me laugh out loud.



Regards,

Steve.

a piece of string walk's into a bar, you can't get served in here your a piece of string.Gutted,the piece of string goes away rolls himself into a ball a rough's up his hair,next day he returns to the bar and once again tries to get served,didn't i tell you yesterday, string is not allowed in this bar,i'm afraid knot, came the reply.

when asked what his favorite tune was Ulysses Simpson Grant replied " I only know 2 tunes ... one is Yankee Doodle and the other isn't "

AQD

Klip Klop Klip Klop Bang Bang Bang Klip Klop Klip Klop Klip Klop .... An Amish drive-by shooting.

AQD

5 tips for women to make a relationship work: -

1) It is important to find a man, who will help out at home. Who will from time to time cook dinner and tidy up but who at the same time has a good job.

2) It is important to find a man, who will make you laugh.

3) It is important to find a man you can trust and who doesn't lie.

4) It is important to find a man who is good in bed and who loves having sex with you.

5) It is important that those four men do not know each other.

How do you know when you're really ugly?

Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

Good credentials?

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What the hell guys here's a load more!!!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor
Man has rested.
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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive
and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all
said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
it once.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

A bit out of date but....

Have you heard the Elton John tribute song for mother Theresa? Its called 'Sandals in the Bin'

A man walks into the doctor's,sit down open your mouth and say ahhhh.Why? ask's the man,
because my dog has just died, came the reply.
Alan

An Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman are chatting over a beer. The Englishman said "I was tidying my 12 year old daughters bedroom the other day and I found a packet of cigarettes...I didn't know she smoked" The Scotsman replied "I tidied my 12year old daughters bedroom last week and I found empty cider bottles...I didn't know she drank" The Irishman said "Well, I tidied my 12 year old daughters bedroom the other day and I found a packet of condoms...I didn't know she had a Knob!!

Saddam Hussain phones up George Bush one night and says "George, I've been watching Star Trek a lot just lately and there's something I don't understand."
"What's that?" says Bush.
"Well, there's white folks, black folks, chinese, japanese, indian, native americans and even aliens, but no muslims."
Bush replies "It's set in the future, moron".

Q How do you make Texas the third largest state in the union?
A Cut Alaska in half.

LONDON CONGESTION CHARGE.
Thank yoo vereee much.
Fritz Von Cooper.T innit

Graham Ricketts

where does Sadam Husain keep his CD collection?


In A Rack!!



NB