What's your best (new) short joke?
Posted by: AL4N on 30 December 2002
Given that my memory is not what it used to be(I'm know in my 30's), what joke's can you offer that may have a chance of being remembered,
cheer's Alan
cheer's Alan
Posted on: 03 December 2005 by long-time-dead
Peter met Sharon in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Peter to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other.
After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood. Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?"
Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine."
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other.
After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood. Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?"
Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine."
Posted on: 07 December 2005 by BigH47
Substitute vehicle and speed of choice:-
Keith bought a brand new Holden Monaro. He took off down the road,pushed it up to 150 kmph,and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. Then, he looked in his rear-view mirror, and there
was a Police Car.
Problem - thought Keith, and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 kmph to
escape being stopped. He then thought, "What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.
The Policeman pulled in behind the Monaro and walked up on the driver's side. "Sir my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
Keith looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a nice day." said the Policeman.
Howard
Keith bought a brand new Holden Monaro. He took off down the road,pushed it up to 150 kmph,and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. Then, he looked in his rear-view mirror, and there
was a Police Car.
Problem - thought Keith, and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 kmph to
escape being stopped. He then thought, "What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.
The Policeman pulled in behind the Monaro and walked up on the driver's side. "Sir my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
Keith looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a nice day." said the Policeman.
Howard
Posted on: 07 December 2005 by Reginald Halliday
Posted on: 09 December 2005 by Tony Lockhart
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a
little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the
sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire
fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire
fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire-fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks" the girl says.
The fire-fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon
to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run
your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think
you could go faster." The little girl replies thoughtfully,
"You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Tony
little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the
sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire
fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire
fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire-fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks" the girl says.
The fire-fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon
to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run
your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think
you could go faster." The little girl replies thoughtfully,
"You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Tony
Posted on: 09 December 2005 by Stephen Tate
Whats the difference between BSE and PMT?
One attacks the cows brain and causes it to go absolutely mad.
The other is an agricultural problem.
One attacks the cows brain and causes it to go absolutely mad.
The other is an agricultural problem.
Posted on: 09 December 2005 by Spock
Stephen
Outrageously funny!
Spock
Outrageously funny!
Spock
Posted on: 10 December 2005 by Guy D
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic lad on his first foray into lovemaking?
He spent 27 minutes looking for his girlfriend's vinegar.
He spent 27 minutes looking for his girlfriend's vinegar.
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Earwicker
These might amuse
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Earwicker
...and
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Quasimodoh!
Hope this one hasn't been on here before, not time to go through 44 pages!
Man goes to the zoo, when he gets there the only animal they have on display is a dog.
it was a Shitzhu
Dave
Man goes to the zoo, when he gets there the only animal they have on display is a dog.
it was a Shitzhu
Dave
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Tony Lockhart
Very much a repost. You could always use the search function!
Tony
Tony
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Quasimodoh!
ahhh, sorry about that. Will know better next time. Blooming newbies ....
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
B&B at great manouevre
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Earwicker
quote:Originally posted by Quasimodoh!:
ahhh, sorry about that. Will know better next time. Blooming newbies ....
Don't worry about it Quasi - just stear clear of asking what improvements you can expect if you add a hi-cap...!
EW
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
I'm home and bloody sick
Let's have a laugh
Please read the entire leaflet....
Let's have a laugh
Please read the entire leaflet....
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
The student
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Why people fell lonely
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
..............
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
.....
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
!!!!!!!
Posted on: 12 December 2005 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
..........................
Posted on: 15 December 2005 by Sir Crispin Cupcake
Did you hear that they're not having christmas trees in Vietnam this year?
They're hanging Glitter instead!
They're hanging Glitter instead!
Posted on: 15 December 2005 by Chris Kelly
My brother's just got out of hospital.
Had a mole removed from his penis.
He says that's the last time he shags one of those.
Had a mole removed from his penis.
He says that's the last time he shags one of those.
Posted on: 16 December 2005 by Earwicker
There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass. She was one very well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman.
The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." so, of course, he also fled.
Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you."
The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." so, of course, he also fled.
Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you."
Posted on: 16 December 2005 by Rasher
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies where a child had written a note: "Take all you want. God is watching the apples".
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies where a child had written a note: "Take all you want. God is watching the apples".