What's your best (new) short joke?
Posted by: AL4N on 30 December 2002
Given that my memory is not what it used to be(I'm know in my 30's), what joke's can you offer that may have a chance of being remembered,
cheer's Alan
cheer's Alan
Posted on: 07 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Arms of mass distraction
Posted on: 07 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Just in case................
Posted on: 08 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Wiser and wiser
Posted on: 08 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
!
Posted on: 08 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
hehheehhehe
Posted on: 08 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Neo cons strike again!
Posted on: 08 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
hehehehehehehe
Posted on: 09 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
hheehehhehhe
Posted on: 09 January 2006 by jayd
err... could we start a separate thread for "what's your best cartoon or comical photograph"?
no offense, Gianluigi... some of them are quite funny. I just miss the jokes that used to get posted here.
no offense, Gianluigi... some of them are quite funny. I just miss the jokes that used to get posted here.
Posted on: 10 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Hi!
I do understand what you mean and already tought about it.
I use cartoons and pics because some of the jokes sometimes are written using slang and are a bit hard to understand for no english natives.
But this is not "my" thread and so anyone can post want seems to be better or funnier.
Ciao
I do understand what you mean and already tought about it.
I use cartoons and pics because some of the jokes sometimes are written using slang and are a bit hard to understand for no english natives.
But this is not "my" thread and so anyone can post want seems to be better or funnier.
Ciao
Posted on: 10 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
!
Posted on: 10 January 2006 by jayd
quote:Originally posted by Gianluigi Mazzorana:
Hi!
I do understand what you mean and already tought about it.
I use cartoons and pics because some of the jokes sometimes are written using slang and are a bit hard to understand for no english natives.
But this is not "my" thread and so anyone can post want seems to be better or funnier.
Ciao
I understand what you mean about the language barrier to many of the jokes posted here. Perhaps the answer is for you to continue your excellent posts, and the joke-tellers to try and keep up with you. Then everyone wins. :-)
PS - Your country is paradise. I was married there six months ago; can't wait to return.
Posted on: 10 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
quote:Originally posted by jayd:quote:Originally posted by Gianluigi Mazzorana:
Hi!
I do understand what you mean and already tought about it.
I use cartoons and pics because some of the jokes sometimes are written using slang and are a bit hard to understand for no english natives.
But this is not "my" thread and so anyone can post want seems to be better or funnier.
Ciao
I understand what you mean about the language barrier to many of the jokes posted here. Perhaps the answer is for you to continue your excellent posts, and the joke-tellers to try and keep up with you. Then everyone wins. :-)
PS - Your country is paradise. I was married there six months ago; can't wait to return.
You can't immagine how much i'd like to escape!
Your point of view about this thread is the best possible.
Posted on: 10 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
I've found this.
If you see me doing such thing, please............kill me.
If you see me doing such thing, please............kill me.
Posted on: 10 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
hehehehehehe
Posted on: 10 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
One day i'll have to...............
Posted on: 10 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
For german friends!
Posted on: 10 January 2006 by Earwicker
quote:Originally posted by Gianluigi Mazzorana:
For german friends!
Hehe, that's damn funny!
EW
Posted on: 11 January 2006 by Earwicker
This is amusing if you haven't heard it...
Did you hear about the three balloons?
There was Daddy Balloon, Mummy Balloon and Baby Balloon and one day Daddy Balloon said:
"Baby Balloon, you're growing up now and I think it's time you slept in your own bed at night."
Baby Balloon's lip quivered then he straightened his back and said, "O.K. Daddy."
That night after an enormous supper they all put on their pyjamas and went off to bed - Mummy and Daddy Balloon in their room and Baby Balloon in his little room at the top of the house.
After a while, tossing and turning in the dark, Baby Balloon crept downstairs and sneaked into the big bedroom. Holding his breath, he lifted the bedclothes and tried to ease his way in but because of the large meal they'd all eaten there was no room.
Very carefully he untied Daddy Balloon's knot and deflated him a little then tried again.
Still he couldn't squeeze in so he crept around the bed, untied Mummy Balloon's knot and deflated her as well.
He tried again and still couldn't get in, so very cautiously he untied his own knot and deflated himself.
That did the trick and he was soon nestled in between them and fast asleep.
In the morning he was still asleep when his father woke him up and said:
"Baby Balloon, I'm so disappointed in you. You've let me down, you've let your Mother down and worst of all you've let yourself down!"
Did you hear about the three balloons?
There was Daddy Balloon, Mummy Balloon and Baby Balloon and one day Daddy Balloon said:
"Baby Balloon, you're growing up now and I think it's time you slept in your own bed at night."
Baby Balloon's lip quivered then he straightened his back and said, "O.K. Daddy."
That night after an enormous supper they all put on their pyjamas and went off to bed - Mummy and Daddy Balloon in their room and Baby Balloon in his little room at the top of the house.
After a while, tossing and turning in the dark, Baby Balloon crept downstairs and sneaked into the big bedroom. Holding his breath, he lifted the bedclothes and tried to ease his way in but because of the large meal they'd all eaten there was no room.
Very carefully he untied Daddy Balloon's knot and deflated him a little then tried again.
Still he couldn't squeeze in so he crept around the bed, untied Mummy Balloon's knot and deflated her as well.
He tried again and still couldn't get in, so very cautiously he untied his own knot and deflated himself.
That did the trick and he was soon nestled in between them and fast asleep.
In the morning he was still asleep when his father woke him up and said:
"Baby Balloon, I'm so disappointed in you. You've let me down, you've let your Mother down and worst of all you've let yourself down!"
Posted on: 11 January 2006 by Rasher
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors, shouting "Vroom, Vroom!" and making believe she was once again driving her car on the freeway.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of them actually joined in to help her live her fantasy.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched "STOP! Police!" he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Police! Have you got proof of insurance?"! Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster, and held it up to him. Harold nodded, and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, with a very sizable erection.
"Oh, good grief," cried Ethel, "not the Breathalyzer again!"
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of them actually joined in to help her live her fantasy.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched "STOP! Police!" he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Police! Have you got proof of insurance?"! Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster, and held it up to him. Harold nodded, and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, with a very sizable erection.
"Oh, good grief," cried Ethel, "not the Breathalyzer again!"
Posted on: 11 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Good old days?
Posted on: 11 January 2006 by Stephen Tate
Two auatrailian sheep shearers in the out back.
one says to the other "are you shearing those sheep tonight mate?"
The other says " nope!.. im having them both to meself ".
one says to the other "are you shearing those sheep tonight mate?"
The other says " nope!.. im having them both to meself ".
Posted on: 12 January 2006 by Nigel Cavendish
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him
on his way with a gift cheque for £50.
At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.
The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the
bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a full English breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with
freshly-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cup's
bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the
five quid for?"
"Well," said the blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you."
"I asked him what to give you."
He said, "F*ck him. Give him a fiver."
She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea!"
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him
on his way with a gift cheque for £50.
At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.
The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the
bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a full English breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with
freshly-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cup's
bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the
five quid for?"
"Well," said the blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you."
"I asked him what to give you."
He said, "F*ck him. Give him a fiver."
She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea!"
Posted on: 13 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
And now?
Posted on: 13 January 2006 by Earwicker
...