What's your best (new) short joke?
Posted by: AL4N on 30 December 2002
Given that my memory is not what it used to be(I'm know in my 30's), what joke's can you offer that may have a chance of being remembered,
cheer's Alan
cheer's Alan
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Extreme measures.
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Life is what you make it.
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Ops!
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Nice little one!
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by erik scothron
quote:Originally posted by Gianluigi Mazzorana:
Nice little one!
Great cartoons Gianluigi - keep them coming
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Adam Meredith
quote:Originally posted by erik scothron:quote:Originally posted by Gianluigi Mazzorana:
Nice little one!
Great cartoons Gianluigi - keep them coming
From my point of view - I would like you to limit them quite a bit.
Although a picture may be worth a thousand words it takes up a lot more space on our server.
Perhaps you could use the remotely hosted trick that works so well for large images?
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Lapdog
Diary of a Snow Shoveler
Author unknown
December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the d*mn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white sh*t fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0o. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -5. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Author unknown
December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the d*mn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white sh*t fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0o. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -5. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
quote:Originally posted by Adam Meredith:
From my point of view.......
Perhaps you could use the remotely hosted trick that works so well for large images?
Ok Adam!
I knew it could be a bit onerous in a long run so i'll try to.
Have a space on yahoo and they provide that kind of service.
I'll try the path!
Ciao!
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
!
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
!
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
.
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
.
Posted on: 29 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Exausted.
Posted on: 31 January 2006 by rodwsmith
Not especially short, and not a joke. But it did make me laugh:
"The Offside Rule Explained For Girls
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.
Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch
the purse and buy the shoes.
Always remembering that until the purse has *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.
There you go..."
"The Offside Rule Explained For Girls
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.
Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch
the purse and buy the shoes.
Always remembering that until the purse has *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.
There you go..."
Posted on: 31 January 2006 by Cherry Garth
..
Posted on: 03 February 2006 by Jim Waugh
One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with
some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife.
During a game, Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. While under the table, Mike looked across and saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on. When he sat up he was flushed. He went into the
kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him
into the kitchen.
She asked Mike, "Did you like what you saw?"
Mike said "Yes I did."
She said, "Well you can get more than that, but it will cost you $500."
So Mike thought about this financial proposition, and said, "O.K".
She said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30, because Terry will be at work".
Mike said, "I'll see you then."
The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, and then he left.
Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today?"
Thinking she had been caught she replied, "As a matter of fact, he did."
Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with
you."
some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife.
During a game, Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. While under the table, Mike looked across and saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on. When he sat up he was flushed. He went into the
kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him
into the kitchen.
She asked Mike, "Did you like what you saw?"
Mike said "Yes I did."
She said, "Well you can get more than that, but it will cost you $500."
So Mike thought about this financial proposition, and said, "O.K".
She said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30, because Terry will be at work".
Mike said, "I'll see you then."
The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, and then he left.
Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today?"
Thinking she had been caught she replied, "As a matter of fact, he did."
Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with
you."
Posted on: 06 February 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Tonight i feel a bit strange.
Jetlag?
Jetlag?
Posted on: 12 February 2006 by Earwicker
Indian Mating Season
Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. "Was the other Indian crazy or what?" The Indian replied "No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us."
Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was the answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"from deep inside.
He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Like the others, he then heard an answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read....
NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!
Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. "Was the other Indian crazy or what?" The Indian replied "No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us."
Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was the answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"from deep inside.
He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Like the others, he then heard an answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read....
NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!
Posted on: 15 February 2006 by Tony Lockhart
A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for an extraction.
"£85.00." replied the dentist.
"Whit? huv yie no goat enythin cheaper?" asked the Scotsman, seemingly quite agitated.
"That's the normal charge for an extraction", said the dentist.
"Whit aboot if yie didnae use eny anaesthetic?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.
"Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for £70", said the dentist.
"Hmmmm, whit aboot if yie used one of yer dentist trainees and still weyoot any anaesthetic?" asked the Scotsman.
"Well it's possible but they're only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism; and, it'll be a lot more painful. But, I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say £40" said the dentist.
"That's still a bit much; how aboot if yie make it a training session and have yon student dae the extraction and the ither students watchin and learnin?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.
"Hmmmmm, well OK. It'll be good for the students, I suppose. I'll charge you only £5 in that case" said the dentist.
"Great, it's a deal" said the Scotsman... "Can yie book the wife in for next Tuesday?"
Tony
"£85.00." replied the dentist.
"Whit? huv yie no goat enythin cheaper?" asked the Scotsman, seemingly quite agitated.
"That's the normal charge for an extraction", said the dentist.
"Whit aboot if yie didnae use eny anaesthetic?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.
"Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for £70", said the dentist.
"Hmmmm, whit aboot if yie used one of yer dentist trainees and still weyoot any anaesthetic?" asked the Scotsman.
"Well it's possible but they're only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism; and, it'll be a lot more painful. But, I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say £40" said the dentist.
"That's still a bit much; how aboot if yie make it a training session and have yon student dae the extraction and the ither students watchin and learnin?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.
"Hmmmmm, well OK. It'll be good for the students, I suppose. I'll charge you only £5 in that case" said the dentist.
"Great, it's a deal" said the Scotsman... "Can yie book the wife in for next Tuesday?"
Tony
Posted on: 15 February 2006 by erik scothron
quote:Originally posted by Tony Lockhart:
A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for an extraction.
"£85.00." replied the dentist.
"Whit? huv yie no goat enythin cheaper?" asked the Scotsman, seemingly quite agitated.
"That's the normal charge for an extraction", said the dentist.
"Whit aboot if yie didnae use eny anaesthetic?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.
"Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for £70", said the dentist.
"Hmmmm, whit aboot if yie used one of yer dentist trainees and still weyoot any anaesthetic?" asked the Scotsman.
"Well it's possible but they're only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism; and, it'll be a lot more painful. But, I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say £40" said the dentist.
"That's still a bit much; how aboot if yie make it a training session and have yon student dae the extraction and the ither students watchin and learnin?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.
"Hmmmmm, well OK. It'll be good for the students, I suppose. I'll charge you only £5 in that case" said the dentist.
"Great, it's a deal" said the Scotsman... "Can yie book the wife in for next Tuesday?"
Tony
LOL. excellent, dont know why but I didnae see it coming. Where is this dentist?
Posted on: 16 February 2006 by Tony Lockhart
After her sixth child, Jane decided that she should have some
Cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory
As her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace.
Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with
Six children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and
Tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly
Packed kebab. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find
Three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from?" she asked the
Nurse, "They're very nice" "Well" said the nurse; "The first is from the surgeon -
The operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted
To say thanks". "Gosh, that's really nice" said Jane. "The second is
From your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that
He can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched
The sides for years and he's very excited!" "Brilliant!" said Jane. "And
The third?" "That's from Eric, a patient in the burns unit," said the
Nurse.
He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears
Tony
Cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory
As her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace.
Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with
Six children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and
Tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly
Packed kebab. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find
Three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from?" she asked the
Nurse, "They're very nice" "Well" said the nurse; "The first is from the surgeon -
The operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted
To say thanks". "Gosh, that's really nice" said Jane. "The second is
From your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that
He can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched
The sides for years and he's very excited!" "Brilliant!" said Jane. "And
The third?" "That's from Eric, a patient in the burns unit," said the
Nurse.
He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears
Tony
Posted on: 16 February 2006 by Tony Lockhart
Hiya - don't know if you know anything about this disease.
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any
sex for over 5 years.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided
to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist,
Dr.Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your
crose."
The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room."
Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now
craw
reery, reery fass back to me."
As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf
Ed
Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
"The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary
Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face
Look Ed Zachary like your ass.
Tony
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any
sex for over 5 years.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided
to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist,
Dr.Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your
crose."
The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room."
Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now
craw
reery, reery fass back to me."
As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf
Ed
Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
"The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary
Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face
Look Ed Zachary like your ass.
Tony
Posted on: 16 February 2006 by erik scothron
quote:Originally posted by Tony Lockhart:
Hiya - don't know if you know anything about this disease.
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any
sex for over 5 years.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided
to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist,
Dr.Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your
crose."
The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room."
Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now
craw
reery, reery fass back to me."
As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf
Ed
Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
"The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary
Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face
Look Ed Zachary like your ass.
Tony
Oh how cruel - how deliciously cruel LOL
Posted on: 20 February 2006 by Diode100
An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through he leans over and says,
" I just let out a silent fart what do you think I should do?"
She replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
" I just let out a silent fart what do you think I should do?"
She replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
Posted on: 22 February 2006 by Tony Lockhart
Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the side
table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect
order, spotlessly clean. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he
sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom
mirror, and notices a note from his wife on the table:
"Sweetheart, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go
shopping - Love you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot
breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the
table, eating.
Jack asks "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You
broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black
eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a
rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, but
when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, "Leave
me alone, you tart, I'm married!
Broken furniture £85.26
Hot Breakfast £4.20
Red Rose bud £3.00
Two Aspirins £0.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless!
Tony
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the side
table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect
order, spotlessly clean. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he
sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom
mirror, and notices a note from his wife on the table:
"Sweetheart, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go
shopping - Love you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot
breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the
table, eating.
Jack asks "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You
broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black
eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a
rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, but
when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, "Leave
me alone, you tart, I'm married!
Broken furniture £85.26
Hot Breakfast £4.20
Red Rose bud £3.00
Two Aspirins £0.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless!
Tony