What's your best (new) short joke?

When charles and diana were first married diana visits the royal doctor.
" You can confide in me with the utmost confidence diana, tell me, how can I help you? "
Diana, looking sheepish finally comes to the point.
" Every time I engage in oral with charles I get a terrible indigestion type feeling "
The doctor replies after thinking briefly, " Have you tried Andrews? "

And now do something, if you can!

Hey son!
Don't start me off!

quote:

Originally posted by Van the man:
When charles and diana were first married diana visits the royal doctor.
" You can confide in me with the utmost confidence diana, tell me, how can I help you? "
Diana, looking sheepish finally comes to the point.
" Every time I engage in oral with charles I get a terrible indigestion type feeling "
The doctor replies after thinking briefly, " Have you tried Andrews? "

She tried everyone's didn't she?

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

Tony

This is for goodnight!
My boss son!
A face, a destiny.

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"

She replied: a can of peaches.

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.

The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

He said, "What is it?"

The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."

One for afternoon!
It's lunch timeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Wondering where this place is...........

Is it real or only a joke.
I'm tired of the kind of woman below.

A very nice cop!

"Hey Joe! Did you check belts?"
"Which belts, Fred?"

A joke, for a change:

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.

Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest shivers with
fear."

Lion says: "if I roar in the bush, the entire bush is afraid of me."

Says the chicken: "big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planet
shits itself."

Tony

Gianluigi - what happened to your attempt to host your pictures off forum?

Hi Adam!
I do use Imageshack.
Why?
I told i'd do it and i'm doin it..............

quote:

Originally posted by Gianluigi Mazzorana:
I do use Imageshack.

Can't you use the URL from the website where you find these things, rather than copy them to Imageshack?

EW

Hi EW!
I don't know.................
Never tried....................
What's up?

quote:

Originally posted by Gianluigi Mazzorana:
What's up?

Nothing, it just strikes me that if you're copying images from one website to another then you're making life hard for yourself!

Ciao EW!
The fact is that while wandering the net i do get nice things.
I usually copy them in my HD and when i decide to use them i do host them on IS.
Harvest, storing and distribution!

quote:

Originally posted by Adam Meredith:
Gianluigi - what happened to your attempt to host your pictures off forum?

Sorry Adam.
I think that using IS i'm not overloading you server.
Please let me know if it is a problem.
Thanks a lot!

Sorry Adam.
I apologize for soliciting, but is there any kind of problem with pics?
Thanks a lot.

Adam?

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"F*ck off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she tried to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse shit all over her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse shit from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a f*cking good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."

quote:

Originally posted by Gianluigi Mazzorana:
Adam?

Entirely my mistake - your pics come up so well that they appear to be onsite - most image shack seem slightly blocked on my home PC.

Apologies to you.

Fiuuuuuuuuu!
Adam!

You had left me sitting with my naked backside on ice!

Anyway..............as i wrote in my previous posts i hope that using IS is not overloading your bandwidth or creating other problems that occours in computers or servers and that i don't know about.
Most of all i hope i'm not becoming boring..................
Thanks Adam!

Gianluigi