What's your best (new) short joke?
Posted by: AL4N on 30 December 2002
Given that my memory is not what it used to be(I'm know in my 30's), what joke's can you offer that may have a chance of being remembered,
cheer's Alan
cheer's Alan
Posted on: 22 March 2003 by Roy T
Doggie never goes out of fashion!
Posted on: 22 March 2003 by Mat Bon 0013
Heard about the rat who swallowed viagra?
Half an hour later he was running around the kitchen saying "Where's that pussy now?"
Half an hour later he was running around the kitchen saying "Where's that pussy now?"
Posted on: 22 March 2003 by Vik
Q Whats huge and shivers uncontrollably at the bottom of the ocean?
A A NERVOUS WRECK
A A NERVOUS WRECK
Posted on: 22 March 2003 by redeye
Two pregnant, Irish women are sitting knitting sweaters. First says "Hope mine's a boy I've got blue wool" Second says "Hope mines a spastic cos I've fucked the arms up"
Posted on: 25 March 2003 by Mark Richards
Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CDs? A Rack
Posted on: 25 March 2003 by bornwina
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just the one - it takes the rest of Europe to turn the building round.
Just the one - it takes the rest of Europe to turn the building round.
Posted on: 25 March 2003 by Derek Wright
How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris from invasion
Not known - it has never been attempted
Not known - it has never been attempted
Posted on: 25 March 2003 by AL4N
the most ordered starter for a french-man? Chicken soup
Posted on: 28 March 2003 by Mat Bon 0013
where's vuk...check out you private topics 
Posted on: 28 March 2003 by Roy T
All that glitters. . .
I saw this on a trading site and have removed the contact details but left the body of the offer intact for your enjoyment, remember gold is about USD10 million/mt and he wants to sell 3,000 mt of the stuff. . . .
Company: Self-Employed
Subject: GOLD BARS OF HIGHEST QUALITY UP TO 30,000 MTs !
Description:
MOST OF THE BUYERS KNOW ABOUT BANGKOK GOLD. IT IS NOT KEPT IN THE BANK AND BANGKOK HAS NO BULLION BANKS. SO, THE GOLD BARS CANNOT BE SOLD BY BANK TO BANK. ALSO, THESE GOLD ARE NOT SOLD BY SWISS PROCEDURES. SO, THE SELLERS GIVE LARGE DISCOUNT. IF THE GOLD BARS ARE SOLD BY SWISS PROCEDURES OR BY BANK TO BANK, THE DISCOUNTS ARE NORMALLY 5% TO 6% GROSS ONLY.
THE SELLER'S PROCEDURES IS THAT THE BUYER MUST GIVE
(1) LOI
(2) COLOR PASSPORT COPY AND
(3) POF FOR THE AMOUNT OF 300 MILLIONS BAHT (ABOUT 7 M US$).THEN THE SELLER WILL SEND THE INVITATION LETTER TO THE BUYER TO MAKE CONTRACT AND TO SHOW THE GOLD BARS.
THE SELLER WILL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY TO SHIP THE GOLD BARS OUT OF THAILAND SAFELY.
THIS IS VERY RELIABLE DEAL IF YOU CAN FOLLOW THE PROCEDURES.
IF YOU CAN FOLLOW, WE CAN GIVE THE CONTACT NUMBER OF SELLER'S MANDATE.
REGARDS,
Any takers?, I'll be happy to hold your money.
Roy
I saw this on a trading site and have removed the contact details but left the body of the offer intact for your enjoyment, remember gold is about USD10 million/mt and he wants to sell 3,000 mt of the stuff. . . .
Company: Self-Employed
Subject: GOLD BARS OF HIGHEST QUALITY UP TO 30,000 MTs !
Description:
MOST OF THE BUYERS KNOW ABOUT BANGKOK GOLD. IT IS NOT KEPT IN THE BANK AND BANGKOK HAS NO BULLION BANKS. SO, THE GOLD BARS CANNOT BE SOLD BY BANK TO BANK. ALSO, THESE GOLD ARE NOT SOLD BY SWISS PROCEDURES. SO, THE SELLERS GIVE LARGE DISCOUNT. IF THE GOLD BARS ARE SOLD BY SWISS PROCEDURES OR BY BANK TO BANK, THE DISCOUNTS ARE NORMALLY 5% TO 6% GROSS ONLY.
THE SELLER'S PROCEDURES IS THAT THE BUYER MUST GIVE
(1) LOI
(2) COLOR PASSPORT COPY AND
(3) POF FOR THE AMOUNT OF 300 MILLIONS BAHT (ABOUT 7 M US$).THEN THE SELLER WILL SEND THE INVITATION LETTER TO THE BUYER TO MAKE CONTRACT AND TO SHOW THE GOLD BARS.
THE SELLER WILL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY TO SHIP THE GOLD BARS OUT OF THAILAND SAFELY.
THIS IS VERY RELIABLE DEAL IF YOU CAN FOLLOW THE PROCEDURES.
IF YOU CAN FOLLOW, WE CAN GIVE THE CONTACT NUMBER OF SELLER'S MANDATE.
REGARDS,
Any takers?, I'll be happy to hold your money.
Roy
Posted on: 03 April 2003 by seagull
CNN/Reuters: News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School in Umm Qsar and detained 6th Grade teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator.
US President George W Bush argued that this was the clearest evidence yet that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths instruction.
US President George W Bush argued that this was the clearest evidence yet that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths instruction.
Posted on: 09 April 2003 by matthewr
Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock
Who's there?
Steve Reich
Who's there?
Steve Reich
Posted on: 09 April 2003 by --duncan--
Matthew: 
What did the Slug say to the Snail?
"BIG ISSUE?"
duncan
Email: djcritchley at hotmail.com
What did the Slug say to the Snail?
"BIG ISSUE?"
duncan
Email: djcritchley at hotmail.com
Posted on: 27 April 2003 by Mat Bon 0013
In the Garden of Eden one day, God visited his most beautiful lake. He was horrified to see Eve swimming there ...
He shouted out to her, "Get back to land! NOW!!"
She swam back as fast as she could and stood before her Maker, cold, wet and shivering. "Yes, Lord?"
God chastised His daughter,"Eve! Do you know how long it took Me to get those fish to smell like chicken? NOW look what you've done to them ..."
He shouted out to her, "Get back to land! NOW!!"
She swam back as fast as she could and stood before her Maker, cold, wet and shivering. "Yes, Lord?"
God chastised His daughter,"Eve! Do you know how long it took Me to get those fish to smell like chicken? NOW look what you've done to them ..."
Posted on: 29 April 2003 by Craig B
An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board but, unfortunately, only four parachutes.
The first passenger Shaquille O'Neill, says "I'm the best NBA basketball player in the country. The Lakers need me. It would be unfair to them if I died". So he takes the first parachute and jumps.
The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am a New York Senator and potentially America's first female President." She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.
The third passenger, George W. Bush, says "Well, I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die". So he takes a parachute and jumps.
The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy "I am old and have lived a long and fruitful life of obedience to God and caring for the souls of my fellow man. I want you to take the last parachute young man".
The boy replies "Thank you your worship, but there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag."
The first passenger Shaquille O'Neill, says "I'm the best NBA basketball player in the country. The Lakers need me. It would be unfair to them if I died". So he takes the first parachute and jumps.
The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am a New York Senator and potentially America's first female President." She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.
The third passenger, George W. Bush, says "Well, I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die". So he takes a parachute and jumps.
The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy "I am old and have lived a long and fruitful life of obedience to God and caring for the souls of my fellow man. I want you to take the last parachute young man".
The boy replies "Thank you your worship, but there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag."
Posted on: 03 May 2003 by Berlin Fritz
What's 40 feet long and stinks of Piss ?
A line dance in an old peoples home innit.
Fritz Mit dem Witz.
http://graham.ricketts.bei.t-online.de
Graham Ricketts
A line dance in an old peoples home innit.
Fritz Mit dem Witz.
http://graham.ricketts.bei.t-online.de
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 05 May 2003 by monkfish
I have an LP12 and a set of Isobariks, both very fine products and certainly no joke.
Regards
Jim
Regards
Jim
Posted on: 08 May 2003 by Mat Bon 0013
The chicken and the egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed.
The egg mutters "Well I guess that answers that riddle".
The egg mutters "Well I guess that answers that riddle".
Posted on: 11 May 2003 by Mat Bon 0013
An old farmer and his brand new young bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the younger horse stumbled.
The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the young tender horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little while, the gelding stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride scolded him, "That was so stupid!"
The farmer said, "That's once."
The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the young tender horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little while, the gelding stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride scolded him, "That was so stupid!"
The farmer said, "That's once."
Posted on: 11 May 2003 by Justin
Why does Fritz end every line with "innit"?
As I understand it, "innit" means "Isn't it". Seemingly, then, Fritz is putting it all over the place where it does not belong.
What gives Fritz?
Judd
As I understand it, "innit" means "Isn't it". Seemingly, then, Fritz is putting it all over the place where it does not belong.
What gives Fritz?
Judd
Posted on: 11 May 2003 by Derek Wright
CRLF - "carriage return line feed" equivalent - used in oral communication to indicate end of a string of random sounds, thereby enabling the other person/s involved to respond with an equally garbled string of random sounds - this process used to be called conversation
<g>
Derek
<<Have you checked your PTs today>>
<g>
Derek
<<Have you checked your PTs today>>
Posted on: 12 May 2003 by Mark Dunn
What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
They both wriggle when you eat them.
Best Regards,
Mark Dunn
They both wriggle when you eat them.
Best Regards,
Mark Dunn
Posted on: 13 May 2003 by matthewr
A charmless homophobic joke hinting of the tellers male rape fantasies -- now who does that remind me of?
Matthew
Matthew
Posted on: 13 May 2003 by Mat Bon 0013
A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this late - doing what?" he said.
"Getting a second opinion!"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this late - doing what?" he said.
"Getting a second opinion!"
Posted on: 13 May 2003 by Berlin Fritz
quote:
Originally posted by Justin:
Why does Fritz end every line with "innit"?
As I understand it, "innit" means "Isn't it". Seemingly, then, Fritz is putting it all over the place where it does not belong.
What gives Fritz?
Judd
Hey Judd baby,
Yeah, it's just a little way of winding certain people like you up now and again, innit, didn't I see you in "The League Of Gentleman" ? Just a joke mate, innit:
Fritz.
Graham Ricketts