What's your best (new) short joke?
Posted by: AL4N on 30 December 2002
Given that my memory is not what it used to be(I'm know in my 30's), what joke's can you offer that may have a chance of being remembered,
cheer's Alan
cheer's Alan
Posted on: 22 August 2003 by JamieWednesday
that's cos you're a yankee
Posted on: 30 August 2003 by Berlin Fritz
The Tom Alves "Please come back Link" Innit:
Fritz Von Thamasaleggitt
Graham Ricketts
Fritz Von Thamasaleggitt
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 09 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
First up, Fritz has this news item, hot off the press.
NZ Earthquake !!!
A major earthquake, measuring 9.1 on the Richter scale has hit New Zealand this
morning.
350,000 New Zealanders are missing, and over 100,000 have been reported injured.
The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start
with providing help...
The rest of the world is in shock:
Canada is sending troops to assist the country
The USA is sending food, medical aid and money.
France is sending doctors, nurses and medical supplies.
Russia is sending tents and warm clothing.
Australia is sending 350,000 replacement Kiwis ...
Fritz, innit:
Graham Ricketts
NZ Earthquake !!!
A major earthquake, measuring 9.1 on the Richter scale has hit New Zealand this
morning.
350,000 New Zealanders are missing, and over 100,000 have been reported injured.
The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start
with providing help...
The rest of the world is in shock:
Canada is sending troops to assist the country
The USA is sending food, medical aid and money.
France is sending doctors, nurses and medical supplies.
Russia is sending tents and warm clothing.
Australia is sending 350,000 replacement Kiwis ...
Fritz, innit:
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 09 September 2003 by JamieWednesday
Blimey...is this one still going?
What goes plink plink fizz?
2 hamsters being dropped in an acid bath
What goes plink plink fizz?
2 hamsters being dropped in an acid bath
Posted on: 09 September 2003 by jason.g
Q' HOW DO YOU TURN A DUCK INTO A SOUL SINGER?
A'PUT IT IN THE MICROWAVE TILL ITS BILL WITHERS.
what was the best thing before sliced bread?
A'PUT IT IN THE MICROWAVE TILL ITS BILL WITHERS.
what was the best thing before sliced bread?
Posted on: 09 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
Most appropiate address methinks, YAWN²
Sorry, But one really must keep up with the times innit, and no I don't mean the thingy.
Fritz Von Oroginalty is unusual these days.
Van Der Lubbe 9/11 ?
Graham Ricketts
Sorry, But one really must keep up with the times innit, and no I don't mean the thingy.
Fritz Von Oroginalty is unusual these days.
Van Der Lubbe 9/11 ?
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 09 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
Most appropiate address methinks, YAWN²
Sorry, But one really must keep up with the times innit, and no I don't mean the thingy.
Fritz Von Oroginalty is unusual these days.
Van Der Lubbe 9/11 ?
Graham Ricketts
Sorry, But one really must keep up with the times innit, and no I don't mean the thingy.
Fritz Von Oroginalty is unusual these days.
Van Der Lubbe 9/11 ?
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 09 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
Most appropiate address methinks, YAWN²
Sorry, But one really must keep up with the times innit, and no I don't mean the thingy.
Fritz Von Oroginalty is unusual these days.
Van Der Lubbe 9/11 ?
Graham Ricketts
Sorry, But one really must keep up with the times innit, and no I don't mean the thingy.
Fritz Von Oroginalty is unusual these days.
Van Der Lubbe 9/11 ?
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 09 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
quote:
Originally posted by Gumby:
Berlin Fritz
Just for once you actually made some sense
but Get a Life anyway .
innit
Get some of this down you my Son it'll help the winter, innit:
http://fun.from.hell.pl/2003-02-18/volare-karaoke.swf
Fritz, Wunnit:
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 10 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible" he says, "There is a £20 note lodged up here."
Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a
£10 note appears.
"This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another
and another and another, etc....
Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1,990 exactly."
(Wait for it............)
(scroll down)
"Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."
Don't Forget the SERIOUS SERMON OF THE DAY @
http://graham.ricketts.bei.t-online.de
Graham Ricketts
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible" he says, "There is a £20 note lodged up here."
Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a
£10 note appears.
"This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another
and another and another, etc....
Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1,990 exactly."
(Wait for it............)
(scroll down)
"Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."
Don't Forget the SERIOUS SERMON OF THE DAY @
http://graham.ricketts.bei.t-online.de
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 11 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all
day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The
guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming, but, every once in a while,
he'dhear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Bob, don't worry about
it.
You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you
won't be the last. And plus, you're single. Just let it go. "But invariably
the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering:...............
"Bob, you're a vet..."
Innit:
I've known a few dogs in my time too ?
Fritz
Graham Ricketts
day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The
guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming, but, every once in a while,
he'dhear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Bob, don't worry about
it.
You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you
won't be the last. And plus, you're single. Just let it go. "But invariably
the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering:...............
"Bob, you're a vet..."
Innit:
I've known a few dogs in my time too ?
Fritz
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 12 September 2003 by Derek Wright
To get a stream of amusing cartoons got to the Private Eye URL
and keep pressing the Browser reload button.
For non resident aliens of the UK (US Immigration service talk for foreigner) it is an introduction to a branch of English humour
Derek
<<Have you checked your PTs today>>
and keep pressing the Browser reload button.
For non resident aliens of the UK (US Immigration service talk for foreigner) it is an introduction to a branch of English humour
Derek
<<Have you checked your PTs today>>
Posted on: 12 September 2003 by John Channing
Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides
And every time that Mary walked the boys could see her thighs
Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front...
but she didn't wear that one very often
And every time that Mary walked the boys could see her thighs
Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front...
but she didn't wear that one very often
Posted on: 12 September 2003 by Tim Jones
Sting, where is thy death?
Posted on: 12 September 2003 by Kevin-W
O Sting, where is thy death?
Tim
The Sting thing was a review of one of his wretched lbums. Can't remember which one, or who wrote it in which publication, but it was a good 'un.
There was also Charles Shaar Murray's famous one-word review of The Yes Album: "No".
It was funny back in 1969.
Kevin
Tim
The Sting thing was a review of one of his wretched lbums. Can't remember which one, or who wrote it in which publication, but it was a good 'un.
There was also Charles Shaar Murray's famous one-word review of The Yes Album: "No".
It was funny back in 1969.
Kevin
Posted on: 17 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
Seattle's relationship with the rest of America
Fritz Von Ilovespoiltbrats
Graham Ricketts
Fritz Von Ilovespoiltbrats
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 17 September 2003 by ErikL
Aww, where's the love?
Posted on: 17 September 2003 by Steve Toy
quote:
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....
The best joke yet on this thread. Why is it that Irish jokes are so funny? It's not a racist or redicule thing.
Murphy: What's the odd man out between a potato a spoon and a knife?
Englishman: The potato of course!
Murphy: No, it's the spoon. You can make chips with the other two.
Regards,
Steve.
Posted on: 19 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
Tony Bliar's visit to Berlin tommorow to convince his good old European Buddies that yesterdays bi-erection disaster in London-Brent was the foul work of Red Ken and the Syrians. Remember Noraid ? Many American Presidents don't seem to, maybe they should be reminded before the Hypocracy³ goes too far, innit.
Fritz on Taxfreeexpresso
http://graham.ricketts.bei.t-online.de
Graham Ricketts
Fritz on Taxfreeexpresso
http://graham.ricketts.bei.t-online.de
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 19 September 2003 by stevie d
OK OK it's not short
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm
too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While
Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he
Failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
Agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The
principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
"Harry, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your trousers that you have but I do not have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's a start with a C and ends with a T is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Bubblegum
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake hands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
Blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Fire truck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm
too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While
Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he
Failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
Agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The
principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
"Harry, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your trousers that you have but I do not have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's a start with a C and ends with a T is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Bubblegum
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake hands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
Blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Fire truck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
Posted on: 27 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
Sticking with the kid's stuff:
Whilst rumageing through his notes for his famous book on Child Psychology, Dr Spock came across an earlier draft maintaining that a good way to quieten a noisy child was the Vulcan Death Grip !!! innit.
Fritz Von Footballhooligan
Graham Ricketts
Whilst rumageing through his notes for his famous book on Child Psychology, Dr Spock came across an earlier draft maintaining that a good way to quieten a noisy child was the Vulcan Death Grip !!! innit.
Fritz Von Footballhooligan
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 27 September 2003 by Berlin Fritz
My own Magic Moments link ?
Graham Ricketts
Graham Ricketts
Posted on: 27 September 2003 by ErikL
Here's one you might like, Graham:
All of my family members whom came to the US decades ago "to live the dream" are firmly middle class, while those who remained in Germany are just plain rich.
Ironic, innit?
All of my family members whom came to the US decades ago "to live the dream" are firmly middle class, while those who remained in Germany are just plain rich.
Ironic, innit?
Posted on: 27 September 2003 by Bhoyo
quote:
Originally posted by Ludwig:
All of my family members whom came to the US decades ago "to live the dream" are firmly middle class, while those who remained in Germany are just plain rich.
Ain't it the truth.
Posted on: 27 September 2003 by Derek Wright
but the ones in the US have space if they choose
Derek
<<Have you checked your PTs today>>
Derek
<<Have you checked your PTs today>>