Save The Kans - endangered species list
Posted by: Rico on 15 August 2001
SAVE THE KANS!
at this rate the veritable Linn Kan will be second only to MANA as a topic done to death on this forum... but there is a point to this one.
Someone recently said that "Kans are not just for an evening" or words to that effect. It appears he is right.
I know of (yes, I happen to own them) a pair of Kan I's that are in very real danger. You can help save them, very easily too.
It's sort of like a ransom, only you get to own (and thereby appreciate, cherish, use, and act as curator for an audio icon, all at the same time!).. OK, it is a ransom. An audio ransom.
Here's the deal:
One pair of Linn Kan I's. One matching pair Linn Kan II speaker stands. 
You can prevent their untimely death by paying the ransom... and taking them away.
Yes, that's right. they are about to become art! If no-one pays the ransom in time.
That is, I will arrange the following:
- Digital Video Camera
- petroleum accelerant
- ignition source (matches)
- Axe, or wood-splitter (chainsaws are a little too noisy in the London Suburbs)
...and then the Kans will become art. Set alight, cremated, and then cleaved. Blown away, ashes to ashes, smashed to smithereens. And the stands carved up for good measure. All on video - but not for public consumption, as art sometimes needs exclusivity.
Why? To prove that they are unwanted, despite their legendary status, and fantastic musical qualities. Yes, I have had trouble moving them on after acquiring SBL's. No, they are in perfect condition. No, it's sod all to do with the colour - [ most audio nutters care little about such things.... and product with a huge demand out-strips aesthetic considerations - why are people driving sports cars coloured silver?] ... it's just I've been suffering so many timewasters. Surely there is a potential Kan-Fan, or an Isobarik owner with room for a pair of Kans at risk of abandonment and in need of further loving? Yes they sound fantastic.
Anyway, they're here with me now, sweating a little at the thought of what may very soon come, and probably hoping not to meet a nasty end before we quit the country. All you need to do to discuss this ransom is e-mail me directly. Please don't insult the Kans, as whilst they are not of the Kamakaze persuasion, you can be sure they will laugh in the face of death rather than be traded into prostitution and betray the Kan legend! An out-of-the ordinary ransom, in that "no *reasonable* offer will be refused".
SAVE THE KANS! This is no joke. 
Rico - save the Kans!
PS. To Paul and the forum moderators - I trust this is sailing sufficiently close within the bounds of the forum rules in order to remain - at least in the interests of art, humour, and Kan-i-manity!
[This message was edited by Rico on WEDNESDAY 15 August 2001 at 18:32.]
thank you for your kind offer. I must underscore that I wish no monetary values to be discussed on this forum pertaining to the ransome.
And obviously, the value of them as art is much, much greater than your "offer".
I suppose at this point I should warn those potential rescuers (who've never before provided a home for Kans) that they will eat other small, and many larger, speakers. This is not the SPCA however, and so I will not be evaluating the potential homes. And a diet of Royds wouldn't be so bad.... 
Rico - Save the Kans!
quote:
1. You must first sleep with Tracey Emin, I am sorry but no one else will do.
I'm not so flash an artist either, that I can draw a stick-figure representing Tracey into the image - but could you just imagine that? I'm a fairly private guy, and not so sure my 'art' should appear in one of her forthcoming pieces, should I have the opportunity to follow through with your suggestion!
quote:
2. She will no doubt hang around moaning afterwards with her kit off, you must take a picture of her near the Kans.
Par for the course, man. With the exception of the pics
- I leave that for the tasteful leather bag carriers of this world 
And as to your cut, would you be wanting that from said artist, too?
Ahhhhh, rock-start art-excess. Bring on the Keith Moon party-tricks.
Great as Kans are, I think it would be savage to see someone pay 60k for the art.... oh bollocks, lets get on with it then. Rog has the vidjo-editing suite, right? I'll even sub you guys on the Diesel, and you have the art gallery contacts, right? 
Rico - Save the Kans!
PS - Andrew. It's not a sale. It's ransom! Someone must pay up and provide a home for them, or they become art. The reason that they're merely inches away from the barbeque is that they're well and truly surplus to requirements, and I cannot justify their retention after acquiring such a fine system as the CD3/Nait2/Morris mInor as is currently trendy to admit owning.
[This message was edited by Rico on WEDNESDAY 15 August 2001 at 23:49.]
just the kind of stuff you dig the most about the Tate Modern, Mick! Still can't work out the relevance of small fruits in art... even magritte was on about them... oh well.
Rico - Save the Kans!
Warp factor, Mr Sulu! - all in the name of art, of course!
Rico - Save the Kans!
'Your mad as bricks!'
Rock on dude.
Steve
Kan-on Fodder
quote:Thanks, Steve! I guess that's better than 'dumber than a box of rocks / bag of hammers'..
'Your mad as bricks!'
Keith, great idea... I have never tried auction sites, and wasn't looking to acheive a record return on Kans... and must I remind you, this is a RANSOM!
It seems the Kans are a little more relaxed, with the prospect of someone to give them space, exercise, and an LK280 to play with. As with any Ransom, now the only unknown part is the success of the exchange - I'm stuck without cable tv, as it served as a virtual "ransom exchange handbook" - ransom being the number two plot theme for 70's and 80's TV crimeshows! So I have until monday to organise backup, get cover/getaway vehicle, and choose a high building for observation...
Rico - Save the Kans!
Never mind, I'm off to look for another pair...
John