Ronnie Barker - Is this true?

Posted by: John Campbell on 16 March 2009

If you can read this without laughing, you must be devoid of laughter cells......


This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the 70's. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger, though God knows after how many takes.

The irony is, BBC received not one complaint.

The speed of delivery must have been too much
for the whining herds. Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your pants] as you read.......

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.


Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!
Posted on: 16 March 2009 by Bob McC
This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the 70's

I very much doubt it.

2 minutes on Google find it is an urban myth and the name of the man who actually wrote it as a spoof of Barker's material.
Posted on: 16 March 2009 by JamieL
Four Candles!
Posted on: 16 March 2009 by BigH47
quote:
name of the man who actually wrote it as a spoof of Barker's material.


Ronnie Barker used to write his material under a pseudonym.
Posted on: 16 March 2009 by John Campbell
Hi,

Yes seems a more possible story.

But did it make you laugh on a Monday Smile

Cheers

John
Posted on: 16 March 2009 by TomK
It's an urban myth. Ronnie Barker would never have done anything so crude, nor would the BBC have allowed it to be broadcast.

Incidentally Ronnie used the pseudonym Gerald Wiley.
Posted on: 16 March 2009 by Bob McC
Here's Freddie Starr doing the above routine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_jT0LLGE50&feature=related
Posted on: 16 March 2009 by BigH47
quote:
Here's Freddie Starr doing the above routine.



Without the spoonerisms no doubt.
Posted on: 16 March 2009 by scottyhammer
or the hamster !
Posted on: 16 March 2009 by 555
Posted on: 17 March 2009 by Stuart M
I'm unsure, while clever it all seems a bit to blunt, only the second meaning.

Please, the things that were done via the two Ronnies or "Are you being served" were amazing. In some parts of the USA - where it's a hit, they never got the got the double meanings of "Are you being served" all hell would break loose. If they got the triple meaning in some cases (Don't worry dead by heart attack)

Anyway, can't chat as need to check that my pussy is ok. Last time it was giving me grief and rubbing itself on the floor. But after it was giving a good seing too, it seems much better but if it start's howling and begging for it, well the story of my life!
Posted on: 18 March 2009 by Symonds14
'P's or may be 'Billhooks!'