Fritz's Official New Years Day Underwater Speeding-Ipod-Hydra-World Cup Thread:
Posted by: Berlin Fritz on 01 January 2006
Pity Sir Matt's only giving the benefit of his wast football experience on the Old Pink Salmon Show, innit ****
You'll have to endure mine instead then**
I reckon the Old Swedes are looking pretty formidable actually, give em an apple ipod, touch of Aretha Franklin, turn the hoses on, and Sven's yer uncle, John *
Happy New Year to all on Sunday *
Rowan
PhD Pseudoscientist Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 283
But if I drank 1/3 bottle of malt I'd feel like shit anyway.
Just borrowed from the old Pink Salmon Show:
Quote of the Year, innit ***
You'll have to endure mine instead then**
I reckon the Old Swedes are looking pretty formidable actually, give em an apple ipod, touch of Aretha Franklin, turn the hoses on, and Sven's yer uncle, John *
Happy New Year to all on Sunday *
Rowan
PhD Pseudoscientist Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 283
But if I drank 1/3 bottle of malt I'd feel like shit anyway.
Just borrowed from the old Pink Salmon Show:
Quote of the Year, innit ***
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
I knew some Navy chaps at a party once, who when offered sandwiches by the Hostess, promptly dropped their keks, and started stuffing them up their own arses, sound effects to-boot (Bit more mustard on the next one I think old chap, etc). I must say it was highly amusing, though I don't think they ever got invited again, can't possibly think why?*
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
Nice to see Our Charlotte coming up for air again! God, at this rate I'll have as many posts as Our Mick soon, when he stops sulking that is, innit!*
Talking with an old taxi driver mate of mine yesterday, who unfortunately contracted MS totally out of the blue about 5 years back, and is slowly withering away, so to speak. He rides around now on a sturdy trike now in our hood, and go's daily to various cafe's for his milk coffee and newspaper/chatting session, What a guy! He's been given a great new flat by the City as a Christmas present, fourth floor, great view, wide doors etc, etc, as he knows he'll have to eventually use a wheelchair, and his daily struggle is most awe-inspireing, I must say, especially as he's exactly the same age as myself, so I/we're all pretty lucky really aren't we, even if some of us do walk around in brand new Barbour Jackets*
Talking with an old taxi driver mate of mine yesterday, who unfortunately contracted MS totally out of the blue about 5 years back, and is slowly withering away, so to speak. He rides around now on a sturdy trike now in our hood, and go's daily to various cafe's for his milk coffee and newspaper/chatting session, What a guy! He's been given a great new flat by the City as a Christmas present, fourth floor, great view, wide doors etc, etc, as he knows he'll have to eventually use a wheelchair, and his daily struggle is most awe-inspireing, I must say, especially as he's exactly the same age as myself, so I/we're all pretty lucky really aren't we, even if some of us do walk around in brand new Barbour Jackets*
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
Of Course coming from Northern Ireland Ariel Sharon never really had the chance to play against World Class oppostion, innit*
Concerned 'Journo' outside a hospital somewhere looking very sincere and ernest*
Concerned 'Journo' outside a hospital somewhere looking very sincere and ernest*
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
quote:Originally posted by bob mccluckie:
What are the 39 steps?
They're what you have to walk in a straight line (without falling over) in order to become a Brtitish Police Officer, innit*
In Leicestershire it's only 37 though*
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
"...If you should happen to imagine that the first pretty French girl who smiles at you intends to dance the can-can or take you to bed, you will risk stirring up a lot of trouble for yourself - and for our relations with the French..."
"...Don't drink yourself silly. If you get the chance to drink wine, learn to 'take it'...."
"...The French are more polite than most of us. Remember to call them 'Monsieur, Madame, Mademoiselle', not just 'Oy!'..."
Taken from: 'Instructions for British Servicemen in France 1944' (The political Warfare executive)*
N.B.
Of course most Leicestershire Constabulary members are short-arses! *
"...Don't drink yourself silly. If you get the chance to drink wine, learn to 'take it'...."
"...The French are more polite than most of us. Remember to call them 'Monsieur, Madame, Mademoiselle', not just 'Oy!'..."
Taken from: 'Instructions for British Servicemen in France 1944' (The political Warfare executive)*
N.B.
Of course most Leicestershire Constabulary members are short-arses! *
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
Apparently snorting custard powder can turn one into a jelly! ***
i Is Sthick Sthick, Sthick up to here *
i Is Sthick Sthick, Sthick up to here *
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
I didn't know that the Flying Squad were part time barbers too! *
I was shocked & stunned to hear 'Hamas' issue a statement to the effect of 'The region will be a much better place without him!'
How cruel and callous can you get, really *
I was shocked & stunned to hear 'Hamas' issue a statement to the effect of 'The region will be a much better place without him!'
How cruel and callous can you get, really *
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Polarbear
quote:N.B.
Of course most Leicestershire Constabulary members are short-arses! *
Be careful what you say, some vicious creatures live in Leicestershire, related to NB
Innit...
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
quote:Originally posted by Polarbear:quote:N.B.
Of course most Leicestershire Constabulary members are short-arses! *
Be careful what you say, some vicious creatures live in Leicestershire, related to NB
Innit...
Nothing scares me Son! I've ordered a fish supper, pissed and in a loud Cockney accent, in a Glaswegian take-away, and I've been out with a Chinese bird once:
Three RAF Harriers were just about to land in Our Micks back garden, when all of a sudden Sqn Ldr, orders them to abort sharpish. Later at a de-briefing one pilot asks the Ldr what was wrong, and he was then shown the camera image taken of a large red-lettered sign from 60ft:-
NO HAWKERS
PARRY*
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Polarbear
Fritz came face to face with a polar bear. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying. When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, Fritz shouted, "It's a miracle!" The polar bear opened one eye and said "Don't talk while I'm saying grace."
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Polarbear
Going out with a Chinese bird would scare the **** out of me, haven't you heard of the flu man?
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
quote:Originally posted by Shayman:
A few grammatical tips which should be followed whilst posting on the forum.....
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And finally...
34. Proofread carefully see if you any words out, or made any spilling
I think it's impotent to point out that the required word to describe the above is actually,
Bollocks²*
innit*
Don't you just hate people who continually slant their bold coloured letters, with absolute no consideration for other members John?**
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
quote:Originally posted by Polarbear:
Going out with a Chinese bird would scare the **** out of me, haven't you heard of the flu man?
They're called Chimney Sweeps around Our Way Squire! *
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
NEWSFLASH
NEWSFLASH
NEWSFLASH
"Churchill admits to having serious alcohol problems!"
He was quoted as saying 'I just couldn't get enough of the stuff, innit'
I didn't know that the Data Proetction Act in the UK was just meant as a joke, and not to be taken seriously, at all, at all? *
NEWSFLASH
NEWSFLASH
NEWSFLASH
"Churchill admits to having serious alcohol problems!"
He was quoted as saying 'I just couldn't get enough of the stuff, innit'
I didn't know that the Data Proetction Act in the UK was just meant as a joke, and not to be taken seriously, at all, at all? *
NEWSFLASH
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
So who'd be prepared to spend an arm and a leg on a fine 26 year old Malt, cool vintage Champagne, delicious 'aged' French Claret, wonderful ancient oak-cask-conditioned Dry Tawney Port, or Gorgeous fresh draught Czech or Yorkshire Beer, which all tasted and smealt as heavenly as they should, barring the fact that none of them contained one smidgeon of alcohol? *
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Gianluigi Mazzorana
Dear Fritz.
How to warn you more.
Alcohol is a cheat: kicks you in the beginning and tread you on in the end.
How to warn you more.
Alcohol is a cheat: kicks you in the beginning and tread you on in the end.
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
quote:Originally posted by andy c:
Hi,
I am looking into buying a motor, but some insurance companies require the car I'm looking at to be fitted with a tracking device.
Have any of you had such a device fitted? If so what made you choose the tracker in question, & why?
Thanks for any help you can give me.
regards
Andy c!
That would have gone down well with some ex flat mates of mine Our Andy, who between them quite regularly could not remember where they'd parked the night before for various reasons, or that they'd been towed off by your lot*
You've gotta be pretty careful with trackin though John, it can be well dodgey, just you ask Our Adam *
Regards,
Fritz
N.B. I wonder when cats get pregnant if you need a bigger flap or not?*
Here's one for Our Markus, Bloody good actually, innit *
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
P.S. Re: Above link, I forgot that you're all hetero's:
Why don't Nazis make good DJ's?
Because they can't tell the difference between a 33 and a 45!
innit*
Why don't Nazis make good DJ's?
Because they can't tell the difference between a 33 and a 45!
innit*
Posted on: 05 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
quote:Originally posted by Phil Barry:
Similes, not metaphors.
Phil
But I thought they were frowned upon of late within the forum, causing all sorts of unrest and nonesense amongst the troups! not to mention unravelling the verbal wrath of the less intellectually challenged against those fick gits like yours truly, and actually betting £'s and stuff?
innit *
Posted on: 06 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
'Happy 'Real' Christmas' Everybody
N.B. I expect most coppers know that a professional ghostbuster can spot and remove a tracker from an expensive freshly nicked motor within minutes! Makes yer wonder really how many get recovered by these means dunnit? bit like the old computer Anti-Virus & Firewall scams really, 'Get yer chicks for free' innit?
I hope yer gets yer promotion OK Our Andy *
But you know me, I ain't sayin nuffin! Did I ever mention what'Officially' happens to unqualified IFA's when they inadvertantly screw somebody?
Nuffink! Cos the punter shouldn't have been so bloody daft� in the first place, innit *
N.B. I expect most coppers know that a professional ghostbuster can spot and remove a tracker from an expensive freshly nicked motor within minutes! Makes yer wonder really how many get recovered by these means dunnit? bit like the old computer Anti-Virus & Firewall scams really, 'Get yer chicks for free' innit?
I hope yer gets yer promotion OK Our Andy *
But you know me, I ain't sayin nuffin! Did I ever mention what'Officially' happens to unqualified IFA's when they inadvertantly screw somebody?
Nuffink! Cos the punter shouldn't have been so bloody daft� in the first place, innit *
Posted on: 06 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
'Sky News' has just named a 'Suspect' on air re, being arrested, and charged in connection with the recent child kidnap & abuse case of a(3 year old) in Wales/Wiltshire. I just ask myself, What is the point of having a legal system, what is the point of judges etc, irrespective of wether this individual is guilty (or not) his life is finished? If there is a procedural 'legal' fuck up, he'll be possibly be released even if he's guilty, making the police's own work meaningless?
I'm simply at a loss to understand how a TV Station can release a name at this stage (in an obvious high profile & emotional case regarding a three year old girl) and expect any kind of Justice to be done afterwards. Tarquers and his mates will already be there burning the guys house down, and God knows what else to his own family, in the name of 'revenge', or am I wrong here Chaps & Chappessess?
Fritz
N.B. A good case in point is the tragic W.Virginia misinformation mining situation.The God fearing People obviously wanted to believe in a miracle, and sonme kind/stupid/malicious soul gave them the word to do so, through a combination of unsubstanciated Gossip, imagination, and downright blindness, and we'll no doubt see oit all dragged up again in a court one day, blaming the Mining Company, and the truth will come out 'Officially' and not just Gossipy Fox/Sky news rubbish style*
I'm simply at a loss to understand how a TV Station can release a name at this stage (in an obvious high profile & emotional case regarding a three year old girl) and expect any kind of Justice to be done afterwards. Tarquers and his mates will already be there burning the guys house down, and God knows what else to his own family, in the name of 'revenge', or am I wrong here Chaps & Chappessess?
Fritz
N.B. A good case in point is the tragic W.Virginia misinformation mining situation.The God fearing People obviously wanted to believe in a miracle, and sonme kind/stupid/malicious soul gave them the word to do so, through a combination of unsubstanciated Gossip, imagination, and downright blindness, and we'll no doubt see oit all dragged up again in a court one day, blaming the Mining Company, and the truth will come out 'Officially' and not just Gossipy Fox/Sky news rubbish style*
Posted on: 06 January 2006 by JonR
Well, if it's Sky News that named the suspect then I can't say I'm surprised - they have as much of a relationship with responsible news values as...say...the News of the World.
Gotta be first with the story - that's the priority
Gotta be first with the story - that's the priority
Posted on: 06 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
quote:Originally posted by JonR:
Well, if it's Sky News that named the suspect then I can't say I'm surprised - they have as much of a relationship with responsible news values as...say...the News of the World.
Gotta be first with the story - that's the priority
I think they indeed were first with the story Johnboy, but the naming of names is another matter entirely, and I think they should be brought to task on it. If the baby's name was published in a local paper for instance, they'd be up afore the beak before you could say, Our Andy, and make no mistake*
Probably firebombed as well, into the bargain: True Or True? *
SEnior Politicians often write articles/Statements today in NOW & on SKY, when before they were classed as comics, if you get my drift, massive audience of Chavs/Sports fans, why on earth anybody actually pays for them I really do not know Jon?*
Posted on: 06 January 2006 by Berlin Fritz
For the record 'Gorgeous George' has stated publically on more than one occassion, that not a drop of alcohol has ever touched his lips!
Just for the record like!
I personally reckon he's Star, no surprises there then, issit *
Just for the record like!
I personally reckon he's Star, no surprises there then, issit *