New baby sleeping - any advice

I guess this recommendation will bring out some scornful posts but take the baby to an osteopath for a consultation.

I would suppose every baby to be different, and imagine that it finds its own sleeping pattern eventually irresspective of what external influences may apply, innit ?


Fritz Von Maybe Our Deane's suggestion is not too far off of the mark, and will calm any worries you & your partner may have no doubt John

Every new baby should be taken immediately to a cranial osteopath to sooth out the trauma of birth and the anxiety that they are feeling. It will have an immediate effect on sleep patterns and establish a proper and manageable routine. If he is sucking it may be for comfort and another illustration of anxiety. I objected strongly against a dummy and neither of my children had them. It is hard to discard once they get used to it and that impedes speech development and verbal interaction that is essential even at this stage. Even at 8 days old, he needs to be able to express himself and explore the noises he can make. When you want to sooth him, hold him and put your little finger in his mouth to suck on instead; it will do the trick without becoming a fixture. It is also much more bonding for both of you.
Congratulations ARC.

Yeah, congratulations Brendan.

(On which birthday will he begin the Naim upgrade path with the gift of a Nait system? )

My view is that you will do whatever you think is best for your baby and yourselves. I'm not sure that the specifics of what you do (within reason) will make that much difference.

I also have a theory - based on observations of my 3 and 4.5 year olds and their friends - that the sum total of sleep loss suffered by your partner and yourself over the first 2 years is a constant. If they sleep well when they're newborn they will invariably give problems when they're a bit older and vice versa.

My advice to you would be to treasure the experience of your child's babyhood and childhood. It soon passes.

Mazeltov
Steve M

PS: Watch SuperNanny and start preparing your 'naughty corner' now.

As with so many things about pregnancy, child rearing etc, you will almost certainly be bombarded by advice from all and sundry about this subject. Almost all of it has worked for someone, somewhere, and undoubtedly all of it will not work all of the time. My contribution is this book. It seems to be popular with parents and professionals alike. His book 'Toddler Taming is a classic, and extremely amusing.

At 8 days old I'd say that patterns of sleep and behaviour are still changing a great deal, and what you describe is very common. Whatever strategies you try I suspect consistentsy is a key, especially as they get older.

Have fun, Enjoy your son.

I'm not a parent BTW!

Bruce

I'm glad you don't live in Florida

Brendan,

Congratulations! We're going through similar issues with our 8 week old Daughterbut have found that feed on demand and try to establish simple routines eg walk in pram at 4pm everyday, get up at the same time and put to bed at 7pm everyday all helps develop a pattern.

You should also use blackout blinds in the baby's bedroom so it can be made pitch black in the evening for bed. The contented baby book has some useful pointers. We had Rhiannon sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed for the first 6-7 weeks but she's now in her own room.

Regarding Dummies Rhiannon is sucky too and we give her the dummy to soothe - I was told by a nurse that if they start using their finger that can be an even harder habit to break. Every baby is different and you just have to try what works - if a dummy helps soothe why not? I had one as a kid and I gave it up years ago!

Reagrding crying - we spent a lot of time trying to get Rhiannon off to sleep at first but then on the advice of my Mother let her cry herself to sleep a couple of times after making sure she was fed, changed, cuddled etc. She now seems to get off to sleep without crying most of the time which at least means we don't spend all evening upstairs trying to get her settled - you need some time together too.

I'm no expert, just a recent Dad too so I hope this helps.

Good luck,

Jonathan

quote:

Originally posted by Jonathan Gorse:
Brendan,

Congratulations!

You should also use blackout blinds in the baby's bedroom so it can be made pitch black in the evening for bed.

Seconded, the black out blinds do make a big difference especially in the summer months.

Hey Brendan congratulations to you and your wife.

You’ll get a ton of conflicting advice so you might as well have my tuppence for starters.
Passing on advice from my midwife cousin and some well-rested acquaintances, get this book http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0091882338/qid=1114600766/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_11_1/202-8866558-2385437

It’s tough, but do your absolute best to make sure that you and your wife stick as closely as possible to it’s routines and recommendations and you, your wife and your child will reap untold benefits. My wife has a libary of baby books and almost all of them belong in the bin apart from Chris Green’s Toddler Taming, and this one or the original whch we have used.

You need to be fairly organised, united, disciplined and really value a good night’s sleep if this book isn’t to incense you and drive you mad.

And this is her website, which apparently is useful
http://www.contentedbaby.com/index.htm

Basic advice is:
Get into a strict routine of sleeping and feeding and tempting though it is to let a baby sleep on through feeding time you’ll pay the price at 3am. The routine changes slightly over the first 6 months and then becomes engrained. The key is that it is your routine that your baby is following and not the other way round.

Avoid the dummy as it will fall out, the baby will wake and the cycle will continue thus. Your baby will always be able to find her thumb and will find it soothing in getting off to sleep.

Don’t have your baby in your bedroom and keep her room cool and pitch dark. Don’t be tempted to leave a light on for her. She will be aware of your presence and will frightened if you’re not there; a hard habit to break. The other problem is that baby’s are bloody noisy when they do go over so you get no sleep anyway.

Learn to know whether the crying is a baby in trouble or just a crying baby because they can’t do anyhting else. If you bolt into the room at every cry you’ll set a precedent. Have a quiet look but don’t go switching on bright lights and making a fuss as often she’ll find her thumb and roll right over. You’ll soon be fine to sit through mosy of these cryng episodes though you may well have to ply your wife with large gins and comfort her as her natural instinct will be to lunge upstairs. Your baby will be fine and will be all the better for this approach.

I’d also avoid having the monitor on a high volume asthmatic darth vader in a wind tunnel setting as you’ll both sit there, wide eyed, transfixed and hanging on every baby breath which is very tiring, not much fun and makes it impossible to listen to music.

We’ve had one using the dummy, in our bedroom and letting the baby sleep and feed when he wanted and whilst not a complete disaster it was pretty awful and almost every aspect of our life suffered. Many friends and colleagues report the same result. With our other children we have followed the strict routine outlined above and the difference was unbelievable with regular baby sleep, regular feeding, more placid baby temperament and barely any impact on our sleep patterns apart from still trying to remedy the trouble with our first born.

I’m sure that you’ll really enjoy this time with your baby. They learn really fast.

quote:

Every new baby should be taken immediately to a cranial osteopath to sooth out the trauma of birth and the anxiety that they are feeling.

How have me and my family survived by not seeing one of those. How much more new age crap can be invented?
Dummies/comforters can be taken away thumbs can't(well not easily).

Howard

You seem angry Howard. Would you like to talk to me about it?

Why on earth would you want to take your child's thumb or dummy away? Babys mature into toddlers and then young children and as their understanding grows so they no longer need the comfort of their thumb. That's why you don't see primary school children sucking thumbs or dummies.

We've tried using both and in retrospect I regret using the dummy, but each to their own.

I suppopse cuffing them from behind would stop them ?

quote:

Originally posted by bigmick:
..... in retrospect I regret using the dummy, but each to their own.

A good friend of mine recently told me how wonderful it was when his Son came waddling towards him last week arms outstreched burbling DDD'Daddy for the first time ever.

Fritz Von It must have been pretty moving innit

forgot a

quote:

Originally posted by Nime:

quote:

Originally posted by bigmick:
..... in retrospect I regret using the dummy, but each to their own.

It's true Nime, I was definitely calmer but looked ridiculous

Well try it in stereo; we had twins, boy and girl to deal with! Whilst being the first to state it’s each to their own, we opted for the more planned approach. The go with the flow was an absolute mess and the stress and grief it caused us was damaging our marriage. My wife was a health visitor at the time and helped mothers and families of all approaches so knew all the different angles. It took about 6-8 weeks to fully settle us all in and it was a bit traumatic at times with the leave them to cry for a few minutes at a time thing. However, very quickly, within 6-10 days the difference was dramatic - routine breast and/or bottle (my wife mixed both as she didn’t produce enough of her own milk) followed by bath etc and even music (not Tool) a bit in the evening, then off to bed and a few minutes of grizzling and short visits to them for reassurance then peace for us and them. We also never were that quiet at night on purpose, this is a big mistake. We could run a bath, listen to music, go into their rooms (once separated) and put clothes away or check on them with no problems. Some friends of ours were the opposite, go with the flow, baby knows best style. They’re lives were hell, we had to whisper when we were round for dinner I’m not joking and most nights they would drive them round in the car or walk the streets in the pushchair to get them to sleep. Not good for any of them. I don’t think there is the perfect approach but this worked for us and kept us sane, all the best BTW.
Martin
PS no dummies at all, it can slow speach development down and cause teeth and gum problems

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
A good friend of mine recently told me how wonderful it was when his Son came waddling towards him last week arms outstreched burbling DDD'Daddy for the first time ever.

Fritz Von It must have been pretty moving innit

Although apparently he's pretty advanced for his age, and only used a dummy for a short period of time during his early development

quote:

Originally posted by Martin D:
We also never were that quiet at night on purpose, this is a big mistake.

Seconded again and very important if you want to use your Naim system of an evening.

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
A good friend of mine recently told me how wonderful it was when his Son came waddling towards him last week arms outstreched burbling DDD'Daddy for the first time ever.

Fritz Von It must have been pretty moving innit

Although apparently he's pretty advanced for his age, and only used a dummy for a short period of time during his early development

This chap sleeps like a log along with soothing music I hear

That's a good mix old bean, I think mine were Bottle opener ? I'm off to see my friend again in the morning so it'll be interesting if his son has learn't any new words since my last visit, even at his age ?


Fritz Von I've never told a lie

Yes, Like Blair & Washington Lying isn't part of my nature, though I think my friends son could well play for Bayern one day if he's not carefull, innit ?


Fritz Von Never Mind eh

Thank you for all your advice, my wife and I have been going with the flow so far and I think that we should start to introduce some gentle routine if possible. Exactly how we do this I'm not sure but I will consult some of the books mentioned and see how it goes.

One of the interesting points at the moment is that during the day Thomas will fall to sleep easily after feeding but at night he is pretty miserable. The midwife says that at this young age this is normal as the mother's milk composition changes between day and night but this will change over the next few weeks when a routine should be easier to establish.

Brendan