Bloody French road system.

Dear Howard,

French roads are actually rather odd for us Brits, and I have twice driven on them between Dunkirque and Belguim [on the way to Poland, which meant driving through Holland and Germany as well], and it seemed to me that nothing substitutes for a good up to date Satnav.

The signs give too little clue and far too late to be helpfull.

ATB from George

PS: Also driven in Sweden and Norway, and that was simplicity itself without a Satnav, but then the roads where less busy ...

Interesting.  Many years ago, before my daughter was born and my son a young 'un, we motored down to the Southwest France, La Tranche area.  I purposely avoided their motorway system and travelled down the older roads.  I was very impressed at how straight they were and hardly any traffic.  On the way home we hurried along on the their motorway system.  Awful and boring.  I recommend their B roads.

Richard

George, no offence, but the road between Dunkirque and Belgium is about 10 miles, on a single highway

EJ

I know!

Been a passenger on others though!

ATB from George

Toutes Directions!

Allez!

The French method is to signpost the place that is at the end of the road, and the next place, irrespective of how small either may be. 

Thus, a road from Calais to Bordeaux might have "Saint Inglevert - Bordeaux" on it and completely fail to mention that it also passes through somewhere insignificant like Paris. 

They have only recently accepted that an arrow pointing vertically upwards can mean straight ahead, and these are gradually replacing the previous system which was to have an arrow pointing left if you were looking right, and an arrow pointing right if you were looking left. Quite how anyone ever thought that was useful I cannot fathom. The French for "straight ahead" is of course "tout droit" which means "right all the time", so perhaps understanding was never the intention.

Where I am there are still a number of junctions which feature "Priorité à Droite", a system of revenue generation developed by insurance companies in the early twentieth century. Lots of the more elderly drivers appear to believe this system is still universal, especially on the new-fangled (circa 1965) roundabout things, around which, incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable in France to park. 

The white lines that separate lanes on roads here are primarily used for having your wheels either side of, in an avoid-the-cracks-in-the-pavement kind of way. 

Indicating in France is a sign of weakness, and a French driver will only ever use their indicators if the exact timbre of the clicking noise happens to match the time signature of whichever Jacques Brel/Johnny Hallyday song they are listening to at the time. Which, in a Peugeot, is very infrequently indeed. Being primarily an electrical feature, the indicators in a Citroën are genuinely unlikely to work a lot of the time, so do have some sympathy there.

I have translated the entire text of a French Driving Examination for you:

"Good day. Tell me how arrogant you are."

"That question is beneath me."

"Here is your licence."

It is - yet another - public holiday in France today, which is nominally in celebration of some assumption or other made by the Virgin Mary. You know you're important when a conjecture of yours results in a whole country getting the day off.

Personally I think it is no co-incidence that August 15th is also Napoleon Bonaparte's birthday, and there are certainly a lot of short men waving their arms about I noticed this morning. 

Fortunately, the French are too lazy to drive on public holidays so my journey to work this morning was both more rapid and lunatic-free than usual.

I have just returned from a holiday in the Vendee and the whole experience of travelling from Caen to St Julien des Landes was a pleasure as as everything was extremely well signed; particularly longer distance destinations on the autoroutes and expressways.

The only issue I had was a new road scheme that did not appear on my Michelin local map whereby a new bypass had appeared around Coex. What used to be a crossroad was now a T junction and the old route forward blocked by carefully placed mounds of earth. Was there a sign indicating the original destination or even Deviation ? Non! Rien! One U turn later we found the roundabout marking the end of the bypass and the continuation of the old road......

That aside I like driving in France even if I do have to continually talk to myself to "Keep Right".

"STOP" signs which appear out of nowhere and are the one thing that everybody does obey religiously, braking from 70 km/h to stop in front of you, quicker than you can say "Jesus fkng Christ! I could barely see those 30 year old brake lights" even if they can see to the horizon and it is absolutely apparent  there is no other road user within miles.

Bits of pavement/kerb which jut out about 10 inches from the rest, if for no other reason than to try and take your wheel off.

I try not to speed in France but they have this habit of changing speed limits on open roads now and putting down a discrete grey speed camera just a few yards later...

However, that sinking feeling when you're queuing at the peage and you notice the policeman walking across the lanes, only to see him stop at yours never goes away.

But the worst, the very worst are the Swiss on french roads. Two speeds. 180 km/h right up my bum or stop. And they stop wherever and whenever they like. Overtaking lane of the autoroute? Fine. Busy intersection to look at the map. That's OK too. The lane out of the roadside picnic area, to sit in and have their picnic so that everyone else has to drive in the crap gathered at the side of the road? No problem. Seen all these and everyone was Swiss!

Best thing on French Roads? Whether it's autoroutes or other roads, there's regularly somewhere decent to stop and have a rest, break, food, drink whatever. The revenue generated does get re-invested into the roads and although they don't know how they work, finally roundabouts are replacing a lot of traffic lights.

I think the road signs in Belgium are crap,and i am from Belgium.

Best one we have ever come across was last year were 2 signs pointing to Ostende.

The  sign on the left hand side of the road said.....Ostende 15Km,the sign on the right hand side of the road(all of 10yds away) said.....Ostende 16Km, i kid you not.

Mista H

Wow! Width of belgian roads is 1 kilometer?

Coat on, patiently waiting for the storm...

PS. Thanks for the good laugh Rod. The original sound of the indicators of a 2CV is a must, you should try it ! Never to be bettered.