Have you made a Will ?
Posted by: mista h on 21 January 2014
SHMBO started on about this last nite,and TBH it ended a bit heated. We have been together almost 30years,but aint married,and on my part have no intention of doing so again.
It all got out of hand when she suggested we should both make a will before we get thrown off lifes conveyorbelt. The stumbling block came when i said i would leave everything to her if i pop off first,but she then tells me she has already promised her 2 houses to her daughter. That was almost end of conversation for me.
Anyone know how we stand if i was to stuff if? will she get everything as my common law wifey ?
What have you all done about making a will ??
Mista H
Mista h
Anyone know how we stand if i was to stuff if? will she get everything as my common law wifey ?
It depends - it's a bit complicated too - you should make a will
If you are not married and a partner dies intestate, then there are clear legal rules as to the dispopsal of the estate - which goes to blood relatives. If a partner has made a will, even if it excludes a long term partner or even a husband or wife, the wishes in that will are legally binding.
SHMBO started on about this last nite,and TBH it ended a bit heated. We have been together almost 30years,but aint married,and on my part have no intention of doing so again.
It all got out of hand when she suggested we should both make a will before we get thrown off lifes conveyorbelt. The stumbling block came when i said i would leave everything to her if i pop off first,but she then tells me she has already promised her 2 houses to her daughter. That was almost end of conversation for me.
Anyone know how we stand if i was to stuff if? will she get everything as my common law wifey ?
What have you all done about making a will ??
Mista H
Mista h
I have a bit of complicated arrangement with a wife and 2 stepkids. My nearest blood descendants are my two nephews (who I am on good terms with but don't see very often as they are on the other side of the world). We had to work carefully around the issues when we were doing the wills. It can be tricky.
We swung back and forth a bit, contemplating splitting things to the two sides of the family if one of us popped off, but in the end, we trust each other and agreed to the simplest arrangement of leaving everything to each other. The exceptions were a couple heirloom-type things (low value) that are bequeathed directly on each side. For example, my guitars go to my (musician) nephew directly as no-one on my wife's side would value them at all.
If you and she each know exactly what you want them why not write a simple individual Will to make that clear to all? Saves confusion now and afterwards.
I cannot see the logic in not making one.
If we were to expire together (or my wife died before me) a large part of my estate goes to specified charities as we have no dependents and I have little close family. I quite like having made that decision now and knowing it is in black and white. Any surviving distant family will spit feathers but hey ho-it is (was) my money.
I also have a Living Will stating what I do (and more pertinently do not) want in terms of medical treatment if I have lost the capacity to give consent as a consequence of dementia, brain injury etc. They are great to record intentions in advance and can help both families and doctors in these situations be guided not by hunch but by clearly recorded preferences.
Basically mine says that if I'm stuffed please switch off the lights, quietly shut the door and come back in a few days. Oh, and feel free to take any bits of my cooling anatomy and transplant them in others who need them.
Bruce
We were planning to leave all to members of the immediate family, but after what happened after the death of my wife's parents and the sale of their estate,we have now decided to leave all to selected charities as well.
If my nephew really wants to inherit my Naim(s), he's got to try a lot harder than he is!
I’ve decided to do the same as i did the last time i died, and leave all my estate to my next reincarnation to enjoy in my next life : )
Debs
but she then tells me she has already promised her 2 houses to her daughter.
Well that should tell you everything. It must hurt, but what can you do?
Where there's a will there's a lawyer
Far more often, where there's not a will, there's plenty of lawyers....
but she then tells me she has already promised her 2 houses to her daughter.
Well that should tell you everything. It must hurt, but what can you do?
I agree with her, she should leave her property to her daughter. Look at it from the daughters point of view, if her mother leaves her property to Mista H, there's no guarantee he will then pass it on to her.
If in the future my wife was not around, I would want to leave the property we acquired together to my children, not a future partner. Or, conversely, if I passed away, I'd want my wife to leave OUR property to OUR children, not her future partner.
She is being open about her intentions. A mate of mine lived with his common law wife for 30 years, she was about 15 years older, owned the home they lived in and passed away suddenly. After her death he discovered she'd made a will leaving the house to her sisters.
Good sensible post Fat Cat,and i can see where you are coming from. She made her will many years ago after splitting from her hubby and before we met.
The thing that niggles me is that if she pops off first all i get is an Essex Mansion(fcuk hall),if i snuff it first then Bingo she hits the jackpot. Bit of an inbalance me thinks.
Mista h
Mista - it sounds like you need to think about editing your will accordingly if you think that's unfair.
Tbh, it sounds like your issues are not really with making a will per se (that's just a way of codifying what you decide), but rather the underlying issues.
Alan,
please be careful, theres a risk you could develop some unhealthy thoughts that might affect your current status with your partners.
I'm sure that this simply needs a calm discussions between the two of you on what you wish for your estate when you leave this world.
If your partners wants to leave the 2 houses to her duaghter, thats her will. End of !
question is about the balance of the estate and what she feels she needs to leave to you as her long term partner. and visa versa. you may strike a balance that a similar percentage of your estate goes to someone other than her?
Its all a matter of who you want to benefit from your demise, and who you care about. but importantly don't let it taint your life while you are still here to enjoy it.
I'm sure there will be plently of opinions when youve gone. there usually are.
take care in the present life and live for yourself (maybe use it all and leave nothing) !!
paul
Will discussions can be 'entertaining'!
Mista, if she made her will before she met you, her intensions are not in the least surprising. Are you suggesting that you would be out on the street if she died first and the houses went to the daughters? Surely there is a discussion and a comprimise there. You get to live in the houses until you pass on?
I have two children in their late 20's from my first marriage and a 7yr old with my second wife. We wrote wills to make sure that the 7yr old is provided for if we both suddenly die. In having that discussion we had to acknowledge that we might not for some time so how do we leave something to all 'my' children. Not surprisingly or unreasonably Mrs Lutyens is more concerned about her/our protegy rather my/previous ones. Surely my ex wife can leave them something too, etc!
So open and frank discussions are needed and it is not necessarily about passing the wealth on to someone, it is about understanding how each of you will cope on your own first ....and then maybe passing it on. I also now realise that wills are pretty important if only to not let the chancellor get your money again! As i live in London, simply the value of the house we have owned for 12 years is more than the tax threshold!
(I would like to be as wise and serene as Debs but fear that the reincarnation route will be less successful that I would like!)
james
Paul
The Naim kit you purchased not long ago is now a year old and obsolete. Have you been a good boy and done as i suggested and taken it down to your local charity shop ?
mista h
Will discussions can be 'entertaining'!
Mista, if she made her will before she met you, her intensions are not in the least surprising. Are you suggesting that you would be out on the street if she died first and the houses went to the daughters? Surely there is a discussion and a comprimise there. You get to live in the houses until you pass on?
I have two children in their late 20's from my first marriage and a 7yr old with my second wife. We wrote wills to make sure that the 7yr old is provided for if we both suddenly die. In having that discussion we had to acknowledge that we might not for some time so how do we leave something to all 'my' children. Not surprisingly or unreasonably Mrs Lutyens is more concerned about her/our protegy rather my/previous ones. Surely my ex wife can leave them something too, etc!
So open and frank discussions are needed and it is not necessarily about passing the wealth on to someone, it is about understanding how each of you will cope on your own first ....and then maybe passing it on. I also now realise that wills are pretty important if only to not let the chancellor get your money again! As i live in London, simply the value of the house we have owned for 12 years is more than the tax threshold!
(I would like to be as wise and serene as Debs but fear that the reincarnation route will be less successful that I would like!)
james
James
You have got things all wrong. Not long after we met SHE MOVED IN WITH ME,her 2 houses have been left empty for 20+ years,i kid you not. I have told her umpteen times to either rent them both out or sell them. What has she done......nothing,they just sit there empty.
Mista h
Kind of getting off topic, but if I was with someone for 30 years and they died, then they left everything to their kids, I'd be pretty miffed. I would want to be left the whole lot and I'd see her kids got a good share. It's about trust. If the trust isn't there, I'd find it elsewhere.
Mista
Apologies. I clearly misread the situation. As others have said tho', without a will or other statement of intent neither of you have any claim on each others property.
We had a similar discussion. It came down to did I need her 'wealth' if she passed on or did she need mine if I passed. And then would it be better to off load some of it at that point. Ours was easier because we were married I admit.
Good luck!
james
Kind of getting off topic, but if I was with someone for 30 years and they died, then they left everything to their kids, I'd be pretty miffed. I would want to be left the whole lot and I'd see her kids got a good share. It's about trust. If the trust isn't there, I'd find it elsewhere.
Yep, that's the conclusion we came to. The risk was really that should my wife die, our kids (my stepkids) would move in full-time with their father, and then I'd perhaps be increasingly less inclined to leave them their fair share (or any) of the joint estate. Conversely, should I die, would my widow consider my nephews fairly now that she no longer had any connection (she hasn't even met them)? In the end, we decided to trust each other to make the right call.
I’ve decided to do the same as i did the last time i died, and leave all my estate to my next reincarnation to enjoy in my next life : )
Debs
I did that, but I came back as a newt. (I eventually got better though).
Paul
The Naim kit you purchased not long ago is now a year old and obsolete. Have you been a good boy and done as i suggested and taken it down to your local charity shop ?
mista h
In your dreams Alan.
Besides it would be best given to a good friend. How you fixed 
Sorry Paul,if it was current kit i would try and help you out and try and find a home for it,but old unwanted stuff nah.
Mista h
Kind of getting off topic, but if I was with someone for 30 years and they died, then they left everything to their kids, I'd be pretty miffed. I would want to be left the whole lot and I'd see her kids got a good share. It's about trust. If the trust isn't there, I'd find it elsewhere.
Yep, that's the conclusion we came to. The risk was really that should my wife die, our kids (my stepkids) would move in full-time with their father, and then I'd perhaps be increasingly less inclined to leave them their fair share (or any) of the joint estate. Conversely, should I die, would my widow consider my nephews fairly now that she no longer had any connection (she hasn't even met them)? In the end, we decided to trust each other to make the right call.
Winky
That sounds like a good idea at the moment, but the surviving partner may not be in a fit mental state to make the agreed decision. With all the miles you put in on the road, I'd expect you're physically very fit and will make it into old age, that's good news, but the bad news is your body may outlast your mind. If it goes that way, you may not even remember your nephews or step children. My dad passed away a couple of years ago aged 88, at times he didn't remember me or his grandchildren.
If I was in your position, I'd have a discussion along the lines of, if we die tomorrow in a road crash how would we like or wealth distributed, then make wills to ensure this will happen.