I don't want to host Christmas dinner'

Don, I think it's often a little more complicated than that.

One relevant factor with my ex:
She didn't get on at all with her mum, so we didn't go to them for Christmas day (too much stress both ways); on the other hand she got on really well with her mother-in-law!  

Now my mum loved to cook, so we would often go there for Christmas, but I would 'sous chef' for her and my ex would also help at times.  We'd turn the whole cooking thing into a fun social gathering.  My ex would spend the rest of the time when she wasn't in the kitchen talking to my dad.  Sometimes my brother and sister-in-law would come back form Montreal, then my sister-in-law would join us in the kitchen.  This way we got the food prep done more quickly and we could leave the kitchen for significant periods of time.

When my mum passed, I and my ex would go to his place and cook for him.

So sort of the same, sort of not and sort of the other way round, depending on circumstance!

I am the cook in the house and my approach to Christmas lunch - usually Turkey or Goose - is to look it like a bigger, better version of our usual Sunday roast chicken. I enjoy it - particularly the eating at the end, and then the making of the stock from all the bones - and have been doing it since I was first married. However I can imagine that it could all seem rather daunting if it's not something you're used to doing, or have never done before.  Best way to learn is to just get stuck in and do it.  Look to a safe pair of hands for guidance - Delia Smith was a godsend for me when I was a young newlywed with a wife who didn't like cooking - and practice by doing Sunday lunch.  Bit by bit you get better and better at it, and it becomes like second nature after a while.

Myself and my wife's invitation to host my mother, father, brother and sister in law (like we did last year) was flatly refused. The excuse being that it is too much work and hassle for my wife. I would like to make it clear that I do as much as I can to help e.g. veg prep, table laying etc,. as well as cleaning the house on Christmas eve.

We thought that we had done well 12 months ago but obviously not. So on Tuesday it will be myself, my wife, our daughter and my father in law.

To be honest I have gone past the being snubbed stage and am actually looking forward to it!

Seasons Greetings to all.

Mike

I thoroughly endorse Richard's approach, just treat it as an everyday meal with a few extras. I had a vey similar birthing into Xmas lunch preparation, and Delia Smith was my go to chef for getting it right. These days The royal family won't let me get away with anything less than beef wellington roast veg. And yes the best bit is the sitting down with great food, great wine and great company. Deck the halls of Valhalla with boughs of holly. But it helps if a) it's not your first and b) you enjoy cooking. Thor hates it, so keeps the fire going, pulls the corks.

Richard Dane posted:

I am the cook in the house and my approach to Christmas lunch - usually Turkey or Goose - is to look it like a bigger, better version of our usual Sunday roast chicken. I enjoy it - particularly the eating at the end, and then the making of the stock from all the bones - and have been doing it since I was first married. However I can imagine that it could all seem rather daunting if it's not something you're used to doing, or have never done before.  Best way to learn is to just get stuck in and do it.  Look to a safe pair of hands for guidance - Delia Smith was a godsend for me when I was a young newlywed with a wife who didn't like cooking - and practice by doing Sunday lunch.  Bit by bit you get better and better at it, and it becomes like second nature after a while.

When is The Richard Dane cookbook coming out? Will we have to wait to next Xmas?

Have you checked that it's not already been published in instalments on the old 'Favourite Recipes' thread? 

Aha, of course not Huge...many thanks for the pointer. Great to meet you in April at HQ. Have a good Xmas, take care and keep us naimites  in our place in 2019.

xxx

Gaz

In my extended family it is variable, but one sister-in-law, with whom my wife is very close, herself insists on having Xmas dinner at her own home. So her two daughters, just in their thirties and living elsewhere with partners, have always gone there. This year, however, with one of them there was an, erm, debate and though they are doing the same this year she and fiance will be going to her in laws next year, much to her mother's chagrin. So whilst the daughter has always liked going 'home' for Christmas, there is at least as much pressure from her mother for her to do that. The other daughter has only been away from home a couple of years and gone back, this year will be the third time - but neither she nor her husband get on with his parents.

We celebrate on both Xmas Eve and Xmas Day, so when as often as transport and occasional other demands allow we have generally had Xmas eve supper at home, with our children, and occasionally one or other members of the family, and travelled to my sister-inlaw's for Xmas Day - she would not come to ours.

If I refer back to my own past, after I had left home even we tended to alternate between whose parents went to at Christmas, but every 3 or 4 years we wanted our own, so we didn't go to either (though at one time we lived close to mine so could have our own Xmas Day and join them for Xmas Eve. Later, after my father had died sometimes brothers' families and we would converge on my mother and between us cook dinner there (Xmas Eve or Day), other years she would go to one brother or another, usually with at least one other brother's family joining in.

So overall, my experience is mostly mixing it up, seeing Christmas as a time for families - but at the same time recognising that with extended families that can often mean having to make tricky choices, whether who to go to or deciding to stay at home, and then others have to make the tricky choice!  That makes it almost sound bad, but it really is fine as long as everyone recognises that there other family members involved with extended families, and accept alternation or similar - the problem only comes if (and it seems not uncommon!) you have get one who really wants it their own way.

And as far as the thirty-somethings on TV, very possibly things would change if they had childered themselves, because that is often when people start to want their own Christmas, to give their children that same magic. But I do find it odd if, as in the extract above, a couple habitually don't have Xmas together but go back to respective parents.

As for food, for Christmas (Day) dinner, when we are home for it we try to find something different from the norm during the year, either a different meat, or make it at least the most special presentation of it that we can. So variously it has been goose, venison, partridges, Chateaubriand, three-bird roast, Beef Wellington. This year we are at home and it will be surf and turf, with roast ribye beef and lobster. Christmas eve supper is another matter, no meat and using various traditional recipes as authentically as possible. It's supposed to be twelve courses, but we've never managed to do that many!

It all sounds a bit complicated IB..........

What wine will you be having with the Surf & Turf.......?

There will be a dozen of us at Xmas lunch this year, and a choice of turkey or beef. There are no wine aficionados, so a mixture of white (Piesporter to Chablis), Reds (Nuits St George, and Malbecs) Champaing & Proseco. (no finesse.........apologies to Rod and Eoink )

But we'll enjoy ourselves !

The wife and I are away for 3 nights starting tomorrow  (Christmas eve).SOD THE LOT OF THEM.Bah humbug.

We always host. This year, there will be 11 or 12 of us, including my nephew from Australia, whom I see far too infrequently.

Don Atkinson posted:

It all sounds a bit complicated IB..........

What wine will you be having with the Surf & Turf.......?

There will be a dozen of us at Xmas lunch this year, and a choice of turkey or beef. There are no wine aficionados, so a mixture of white (Piesporter to Chablis), Reds (Nuits St George, and Malbecs) Champaing & Proseco. (no finesse.........apologies to Rod and Eoink )

But we'll enjoy ourselves !

Not sure about the wine - there's a tempting Rioja in the "cellar" (1990 Faustino I), saying it is time it was drunk, though one son is not so keen on complex wines so might save it for later in the week (or the other son and I might just drink it between us!). At the other end of the scale more is a 2017 Portugese red from the Setubal area.

Enjoying the time is paramount! For us a relatively rare Christmas day with just the four of us, but different from the rest of the year, and we shall be sure to have a relaxed time enjoying each others' company. These days we tend to limit gift value, and try to find things that will make the recipient smile because it is unexpected yet something they like.  And most likely play some games - Mahjong for certain.

It really doesn't surprise me at all the young are taking their time growing up over everything not just Christmas.

Christmas in our house starts with opening our presents on Christmas Eve my other half is half German and it's a German tradition aparently though I suspect she might be pulling the wool over my eyes to get at presents and as we do not have children we do usually get to spoil each other and get quite drunk.

With all the presents opened Christmas day is a very laid back affair we get up late and will have a hair of the dog usually a cocktail I will then put the  lamb or beef in the oven and prep the dinner the smoked Gammon would have been baked on Christmas Eve I will then cook the dinner whilst my other half talks on the phone for hours after which because I have usually had one too many I will fall apart at the serving up stage and she will rescue me, team work.

After hosting Christmases and being hosted many times we then spent a few Christmas Days abroad in Goa, Thailand and Jamaica this would still be the case but after the last time which was perfect in my view we spent the day alone swimming and getting very drunk at a bar on Benaulim beach in South Goa which was pretty deserted (heaven) we got to annoy relatives by face timing them and then went to a very swanky hotel for a Christmas buffet dinner and dance all perfect but it wasn't Christmassy enough for some sadly.

So now we spend Christmas day just the two of us and then on Boxing Day our niece and nephew visit  with their partners and if I'm lucky I get to escape to the football this year is a bit special the Arsenal are playing Brighton a couple of miles away and I'm going with my big brother.

On the subject of adults being kids at Christmas my niece and nephew are 20 and 25 and whilst I'm at football they all plan on having a Frustration (the board game) tournament with prizes and winners medals! I know that it is as much for my other half and that the 'kids' to some degree indulge her,  they are very, very close and I wouldn't have it any other way.

We are a very different society today and some of our families are made up very differently then they where say 40 years ago. Family is the people that you love cherish and spend your life with and much of the time these are not blood relatives the idea of a huge and happy family Christmas with parents lots of siblings, in laws, children and grandchildren is not the reality for many of us. The most important thing is that you spend it with those you love and cherish and to also spare some thought and cash if you able to the many, many homeless at this time of year.

I find it sad to see hosting a family meal as stressful. I was a child in the 50s with both parents cooking. I was accepted in the kitchen with them and both grandmothers. The preparation for Christmas started with the clearing of the office where my uncle worked, the arrival of various vans driven by men my father controlled. With work connections everything for the feast was bought in bulk and sorted into the various orders.

The period from Christmas to New Year was a day by day rotation changed every year from our house to either grandparents, to aunts and uncles, five roast meals in a row. So prep was second nature and as Richard says, just an expansion of the Sunday roast lunch (I am sure however in those days, poultry was a treat, Christmas, Easter and perhaps a couple of times a year.)

However, this was just practice for the annual event, towards the end of the pantomime season one family hosted the excursion, grandad booked what seemed like the entire row at the Bristol Hippodrome and roast dinner, tea and supper were provided for up to 30 people.

Hard work, yes, one year my parents were only able to play host because of their one and only ever Premium Bond win. Washing up in the Belfast sink took at least an hour, the table was two 8 X 4 s of plywood fixed to the dining table with hidden clamps. Seating was two home made benches (scaffold planks tied to the dining chairs and covered by army surplus blankets). I would love those simple days again. The only reminder I have is the brown enamel one gallon tea pot...

My wife and I have hosted Christmas dinner at our house for the past 8 years, both of us were 23 at the first one. We made the mistake of having the biggest dining room table so no chance us escaping it and we have 9 of us each year!

all good fun tho!

Don't cross the sprouts on their bottom - like granny did, as it makes them too watery.

I saved a bit of money by putting last years Radio and Tv times Christmas holiday bumper guide away with the Christmas decorations.   Got it out now and still seems about right.

Crossing sprouts ???   we put ours on a week last Wednesday, a slow simmer & they'll be done by tomorrow, don't like them over done.   

Seriously,  we love family time at Christmas, its when everyone makes a little tiny bit more effort & cuddles time.  We love hosting or being hosted at.  Christmas started off over a week ago with the old grey creakies,  first some pints & raw meat with my brothers, followed fine  dining with mrs-b & her sisters,  then last saturday with all of "ours" all together in a big huddle.  Over Christmas & into the first days of January we all get to go to or entertain them all over again.  Finally the tree is down & we start planning for easter & then the summer events. 

Happy Holidays & good feasting to all & Be Lucky in 2019 

Crossing sprouts can be bad, makes them very vengeful later in the alimentary tract, and double crossing them makes them even worse!