Best Jokes (continues)

This is not a joke, this just happened.

I am sitting there bopping away to Art Pepper and I can't believe how good it is.  This is gotta be a favourite, so I touch the star on Tidal.  Screen blinks, no filled-in star...  Really?  Touch it again, and again....  Oh no, not the app playing up... I thought that was all in the past.  After a few more attempts I wonder why it says 'All Photos' at the top of the screen... Doh, I have just posted this album/screenshot on this forum... I was trying to 'favourite' the JPG!

It wasn't even the right track from the album. 

hungryhalibut posted:

On the subject of ducks:

What do you call a cat that’s swallowed a duck?

A duck filled fatty puss. 

One for the children....

...and I suspect to be found in Xmas crackers.  But then I quite like those lame but comfortable jokes   

A burglar breaks into a house one night and as he is about to steal a nice naim audio system he hears a voice in the dark say,

“Jesus is watching you”

Being scared, the burglar stops and listens.

After a few seconds he thinks the voice was his imagination and reaches for the naim audio system again.

But again he hears a voice saying; “Jesus is watching you”

In shock the burglar switches on his torch and shines it around the room to see where the voice is coming from.

In the corner of the room he sees a Parrot sitting in a cage, “Did you say that ?” asked the burglar.

"Yes, I did", said the parrot,  "because I only wanted to warn you that  Jesus is watching you”

"Oh yeah", said the burglar laughing, "and what’s your name" ?

”Moses” replied the parrot.

"Are you joking?" said the burglar, "what kind of people call their parrot Moses ?”

The parrot looked at him and said," the same kind of people who call their Rottweiler Jesus" !

tonym posted:

“He's making a list,
He's checking it twice,
He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice!”

Santa Claus is in contravention of article 4 of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679

Brexit 'May' be before December 25th and EU regs won't apply to the UK. Santa has a get out Claus in his contract; he 'May' not get the sack after all.

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her £5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

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